[myfamily]

Hi i joined this group as i can see other people experiencing similar things. My partner has been suffering with a cocaine and alcohol addiction over the years. I had a baby a few years back and he lost his job shortly after due to cocaine and alcohol use. I left him for a bit as i felt let down. But i love him so much and we have children, so i decided to give him another chance. Over the past few years he has been taking lots of drugs. He doesn’t live with me as he works shift patterns and i only have a small flat. I have done everything to keep my family together. He has got really good at hiding his addiction. He lets me down constantly and i have had to be a single parent for the majority of the time. He has assured me he is getting better and i started to believe him. He got into trouble at christmas with the police and i had to christmas alone. He called me after christmas and told me had a one night stand and the person had a baby. He said he was on drink and drugs and it meant nothing. I found out who the person was and contacted them directly. She confirmed it was one night. This happened when my baby was 9 months old. I am heart broken because he has hid the one night stand from me for 2 years. He didn’t know about the baby until christmas last year. He will see the baby and be a dad. He has told me he will change and get better but now he is ignoring me for days at a time. He told me to move on and meet someone else. Why do i love him so much. I am reading other posts about peoples partners visiting escorts and i don’t know what to do. I feel like i am on a hamster wheel and i cant get off.

[thistim3]

My family;  Awful that you have this situation.  It’s so hard when children are involved.  Right now, without further delay, seek some support for yourself and your baby.  He has told you to move on without him, and you really need to.  It will be easier on you and your child in the long run if you do.  Try to find a group support for single mothers and even a Nar-Anon group.  I found both through a local church years ago that helped me in so many ways.  You can find so many resources in your area.  You have it better than some here – that he has left.  It is so difficult to have a relationship with an actively using addict.  Not safe for you or your baby to be in that situation.  It’s not a life you want.  It’s much worse than being abandoned by someone that you love.  The lies, disappearing, stealing, no financial stability, cheating, criminal behavior, and in some cases – violence, etc.  The person that you thought that you loved, doesn’t exist anymore, because the drugs transform them into someone who doesn’t care anymore.  Not about themselves, their spouses, their parents, even their own children.  It is horrific to watch it happen – while you are looking right at them.  So scary. A real life horror show.  It is traumatic.  Look at it for what it really is.  You need to, and your child needs for you to.  It’s the only way to a better life for you and your child.  Many think that if the addict stops using – then all returns back to normal.  Not entirely true.  The addict has also traumatized themselves and in most cases have permanently damaged themselves mentally and even physically.  Many continue for years with struggling through debilitating relapses, treatment, rehabs, and  financial situations.  Traumatizing for children brought up while this goes on through their lifetimes.  Not many success stories in here, but you can make your story one of them.  I pray that you will.

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