[Alijay]

My partner of 18months has told me he is addicted to cocaine. All the time we’ve been together…he’s kept it a secret because he knows I’m very much against drugs.

I’m struggling …all our relationship has been a lie. I hadn’t realised ….I feel like a real idiot…I had money in the bank when we met… I am now in debt 13k. Ive helped him because I thought he was struggling because of his ex wife and the divorce etc.

He is so charming and great company and I feel like I’ve been hoodwinked.

I’m angry, sad, hurt…I just don’t understand why anyone wants to do it.

 

[Lozzy80]

I’m so sorry ???? this must have come as a huge shock but slowly you had the nagging feeling that it wasn’t right ..and now you know the full picturr and sadly the extent of issues it can cause …debts  rack up VERY quickly.

It does feel we were lied to, cheated. I am not sure when my husband became an addict …sorry to say I myself enjoyed drugs with him recreationally when we got together…I don’t recall him ever taking it too far though and we were both comfortable financially for a long time. So I don’t think he was an addict back then….something just changed,  a few years after his dad dying he seemed to have some sort of breakdown. Then the last 5-6 years have been a blur really , his drug use over shadowing everything else.

Has your partner said he wants to get help and change ? Even if you stay with him and he appears keen to change please set some very strict boundaries. I never lend my husband money now…it never gets repaid and way I see it is one of us has to stay financially afloat. He is in a lot of debt …over £30k for loans , repaying for a V long time with some debt solution agreement .. I lent him £1000s on top of this …so did family….so the true extent of how much £ has gone on cocaine I dread to think.

So keep your boundaries.. look after you…if your instincts are screaming out LEAVE then do it now before you get more entangled.. don’t look back , don’t stay with him out of pity. Don’t waste your life like I feel I have done xx

[mjdoubleu]

Hi Bewildered.

I am so sorry to hear why you have been going through. But rest assured you are not alone.

I found out in June that my wife has spent over 100k in the previous 18 months. On coke, gambling and god knows what else.

That’s not including the loans, credit cards and loan sharks that she had been dealing with.

We have 2 girls together which makes everything so much harder.

If it wasn’t for them I would have walked away months ago.

She left us after I confronted her about the money etc and only returned 6 weeks ago after she reached out to me one night and I found her in a right state. Packed up her stuff and brought her home.

Since then life is even harder than it was when she wasn’t here.

I had routines with the girls and was getting on with life. Tough treat it was.

But now I absolutely hate my life. My wife lies constantly. She cannot be trusted with the simplest of tasks at home and lets me do everything.

The only reasons why I put up with this is because of our girls and the fact that I still love my wife very much.

To be honest I don’t see a future with her and believe that she is only back home to screw me over.

However I have to keep going for the time being as I really want to help her find herself again and be the woman I fell in love with.

Every day is super tough. And I completely understand how you are feeling.

Once the trust is gone. What else is there??

Just be strong and focused on yourself.

And remember that you are not alone.

All the best

MJ

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

[thistim3]

18 months in, no children between you, lies, secrets, and 13k debt.  Be done and do yourself a favor.  He has showed you who and what he is capable of. Believe him – especially the parts that are tangible.  Save yourself! Not many win this battle. NOBODY is worth ruining your whole life over.

[Author]

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