[DanH]

<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px 0px 3px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 28px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span style=”font-size: 17px; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I have a bf of nearly 11 years.</span><span style=”font-size: 17px; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”> </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>When we got together he told me about his past (mum alcoholic) he was also in the marines (went in at 17). We got together in 2012, I was 23, him 20. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>We moved in together in 2014. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>This is when I realised he’s very troubled. In the sense of suffering with bouts of depression, putting a lot on me such as neediness etc… </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Last July I found out he had a secret addiction, I prodded and he confessed. He said for the past 2 years he started doing cocaine regularly when ever he drinks.</span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Just for context he used to go out of a weekend with friends to the pub, I knew he would sometimes do coke. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>So when covid hit he then started drinking in the house and sneaking out and buying cocaine. And it just spiralled.</span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>We tried to make it work, however after a few weeks I had no trust so ended the relationship. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>A month later when I was asleep he went through my WhatsApp messages, he was convinced I was seeing someone else which I wasn’t. He came across my family WhatsApp group where we spoke about him and I would vent of everything he was doing to which my mum and sisters would agree that it was bad etc…  </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>This caused him much distress to the point he woke me up in a panic.</span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>This was a traumatic night but ultimately the next day I agreed to give him another chance (looking back a lot of it was guilt on my part and felt I owed him a chance). </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Things were ok at first I saw him making changes like going to CA. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>This lasted about a month then over time things went back to normal with him drinking and doing drugs. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>A month ago I told him I wasn’t happy and couldn’t see a future. We never spoke all that day but in the night he was crying and told me he took a handful of sleeping tablets. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I then called his step mum and dad and they came over to help and was on the phone to 111. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>He was ok but it was a scary experience for everyone. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>After this I started to suffer with my mental health as I felt hopeless. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Me and his sister spoke to him about rehab and agreed it is what could help. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Two weeks later he got a place at a military rehab which is a 12 week program. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>He’s been gone 2 weeks and he’s started asking me if I still love him and still want to be with him. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I’m finding it hard to answer, I just don’t know what I want anymore. I am worried this may sound selfish but I want advice. </span></p>
<p class=”p2″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I am 35 this year, I want kids. I’m scared of waiting for him to come out of rehab then him be ok for a while but then relapse and be stuck in this loop for years and then I’ve sacrificed having a family. </span></p>
<p class=”p3″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-align: left;”><span class=”s2″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>But then he may come out of rehab and be fine but then I’m also aware I will always been to be a support and I also don’t know if I want that?? </span></p>

[DanH]

to anyone who has saw this post, I will post again from my laptop

I typed this up in my notes application on my phone then copy and pasted, and it seems to have copied in loads of coding so is unreadable.

Cannot delete the post for some reason!

[Author]

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