[straightup]

I live with my Bipolar 1 alcoholic sister. Anyone in a similar situation is familiar with the following/variables of this cycle:

*Denial.

*Teatment resistance (BP1). Not addressed.

*Untreated BP1episodes can be a significant trigger (and a widely recognised link to) alcohol abuse.

*I understand the only alcohol related medication treatment suitable for her is Antabuse, which she stops then resumes. Carousel.

My history, efforts, understanding:

*Health issues impacting my work/income has me ‘put’. Currently housebound.

*Have had counselling for 3 of the 4 years I’ve lived with her/condition to ‘best’ address etc.

*Had every imaginable discussion (and argument) with her about ‘everything’……we know everyone is responsible for dealing with and addressing their problems whatever that may/not entail.

*Joined forums for siblings of alcoholics.

*Researched and read a library’s worth to better my understanding etc.

*Have long passed enabling her.

*Have set boundaries, not ultimatums!

*I no longer acknowledge her – stress generated from her increasingly disturbing behaviour has affected my health – seems to have inflamed my auto-immune and arthritis. Treatment for my health is my lot, my resonsibility, which I continue to seek and better through east and west methods. It’s been an especially long struggle since Dec ’19.

*Am well aware alcoholism is a progressive disease. The worst manic build-up (COVID19) and relapse to date lasting 10 weeks. 2 weeks later, another relapse. Tenterhooks.

Given the realities of reaching and maintaining sobriety plus most probable untreated BP1, I’ll be living with her issues in years to come. She won’t budge. I like to think my increasingly fractured relationship with her will improve. I accept the possibility it may not. I am well aware that it’s up to me to redirect my energy, to improve/better how I do and will live with this. I’m aware that my shutting off has become a normality, that for the timebeing, this seems to work ‘best’ for me. I last spoke to her a month ago and explained why I’ve been doing this.

How else may I better how I deal with this? I am open to and welcome different takes/perspectives.

[robb]

My partner is alcohol dependent And it feels like it doesn’t Matter what you do they’ll find a reason to argue.

Mention alcohol and it flares up a argument, done mention alcohol and it flares up a argument because it shows you don’t care.

Mention anything to do with detox, Health issues she has due to alcoholism & etc will result in arguments. Don’t mention the health issues and your back to arguments because you don’t care, when you do mention it again she just say am not ready to tell you and she’ll tell you laters.

Throw in lies and the constant shitty comments from her.

But of course we’ll never understand each person’s reason to drink, but as you say if anyone knows anything am welcome to hear it too.

Your not a lone straight up.

[straightup]

Robb,

Your response brings re-assurance. Much appreciated! I’m working on improving my detachment factor. Have a long way to go. Moving out is a realistic option for her. All the more grating. I guess that goes in the ‘no accountability’, text-book alcoholic thinking factor. It’s a shitty coaster all-round. That said, I’m thinking it’s gotta be worse for a spouse.

Break a leg Robb.

You’re not alone.

StraightUp.

[robb]

If you want to read what it’s been like with my partner, I’ve written a post about the 8 years together. Just click my name, and look for “my life experiences”.

She’s said it herself, that she’ll rather push all the people she cares about away so she doesn’t hurt any more. Full well knowing she can’t cope without her family or friends by her side.

[Author]

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