[betsybee]

So I thought I knew him, knew a bit about his personality, some of his traits, what he did when things got tough.

I thought I knew where he went…, ‘he was working late, he was meeting a friend’, or ‘he was overwhelmed and needed space’.

None of that is true or was true. The Man I married is an addict and our future has been jeopardised by the untruths he has lived by and convinced me of.

I feel like a nobody, a listless, pointless standbye that was too blind to even see that her life was a myth.

I had been through something similar before and he knew and he offered love and safety when we met years ago, him knowing that, only intensified his reasons to hide all the drug use and the financial consequences. All our savings are gone and money for a mortgage.

My husband has broken down and is staying at his parents, I am left in limbo and uncertainty now to face everything, to face all this hurt and betrayal alone, I have no parents and no siblings. He has left me and my son desolate with the added heartbreaking worry of not wanting him to damage his body anymore with substance abuse.

[mammyessex]

Hi lovely you are not alone on here I’ve been left alone with my children for 8 months by my husband of 24 years , I too had no idea he was a coke addict he’s left us with nothing I know how gut wrenching it is I’m still in shock you and your son come first now I’ve only just started doing this and it helps a little my world still doesn’t feel like I’m in it to be honest I had no say in this and it hurts a lot x stay in touch ????

[betsybee]

Thank you so much for your reply Mammyessex, I can feel your hurt in your message, especially with the understanding I have for being alone with your 8 month old. We build our lives around the people we love and as you put it so perfectly, we had no say in this, it feels like someone else, a stranger even, has taken control of the decisions we could have made or would want to have made if given the choice. It truly does leave you absolutely powerless. I don’t know if you feel the resentment at times that I feel, I don’t want to hinder his possible recovery, so I’m keeping that separate from when we have to communicate, as best I can but truthfully I know I have to work through all the hurt and pain and all the lies for myself and for my son. All this whilst trying not to feel too guilty about not being ready to face him completely yet or forgive. Is that the same for you or have you reached a different point?

You are right, we are not alone and that brings great comfort to me as this is the very first time I’ve interacted with someone who understands the alienation and loneliness of these absolutley devastating and tragic circumstances experiencing it in real time. I do now realise though, that there are more people in this difficult position.

I am learning more and more about the gaslighting and manipulation, him starting arguments I thought were my fault, so he could go and use. The creeping feeling of humiliation when considering what other people, his friends and other parents must think now it has all fallen apart. My life got smaller and smaller, I must find my confidence again now and like you said, start to put myself and son first. ????

[mammyessex]

Hun when you look back loads will make sense it does with me it’s an absolutely horrendous thing to go through we’ve been lied to and blind sided by the one person we trusted the most x

You sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders which is amazing because I was in denial for too long which didn’t help x

I’ve read up loads on enabling etc it all makes sense , non of this is our fault tho we are living with the consequences of it daily x please come on here to vent or for advise it really does help x take care my lovely x

[betsybee]

Xx

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