[fla1986]

Hi Everyone

This is my first post on here but I have read a lot of the forum posts. My situation put briefly is this:

– been with boyfriend just under 2 years

– asked him if he did drugs when we met he said no but he had when younger

– noticed a lot of money troubles/lies/disappearing when drilled into it admitted he had been doing coke

– he said he would give it all up for a few months I think he may have but not sure

– all kicked off again recently and found out he’s been doing it again and also he has been spending money on webcamming sites

– I initially agreed to support him after he fully broke down and started cocaine anonymous meetings and then I found about the webcamning a week into him being clean.

It seems from many of the posts that no one seems to change, I guess I’m looking for beckon of light or just the cold truth that maybe I should be walking away now.

It’s so hard as 35 year old woman to walk away from someone that promises you the world, I feel like I’ve given two good years and I will likely end up alone and childless because of him and this relationship not being what I thought it was.

I just feel so low and also so ashamed and embarrassed. I feel I can’t tell anyone about the webcam thing and have only told two people about the coke, I just feel so sad 🙁

[fla1986]

Just to be clear the webcam activity is when high if not clear above

[pianoislife]

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your situation. I am coming from the other side (as in I have an addiction but am getting better).

I am a female and have taken coke before (my main problem is opiates though) and it did not “make” me do anything unfaithful etc. I’m sorry if that’s hard to take and I don’t know if men are different but I honestly see it as an excuse. I actually hate it when men blame their addictions for not being faithful.

You deserve so much better. Yes addiction is very hard but you’ve supported this man through a lot and to find out he’s been webcamming… it’s up to you what you do but please try and keep your head held high and remember you are not at fault whatsoever and I know it’s hard but you can start again and meet someone else if you wish.

Saying that, maybe someone else could provide a different perspective of their male partner being on coke?

Take care

[michelle.hourigan@live.ie]

Hi sorry to hear your situation. I am going through the same thing I am with my partner 5 years but even after 2 I could see signs of alcohol and drug abuse ..I thought he would change once we moved in together..he has tried get help but every few weeks he had a binge f alcohol and coke ..I know I have no future with this man .we can never get a mortgage he doesn’t have savings I accept our relationship is over..I am still here because I know if I leave him he has noone and will end up homeless or dead . I’m still here out of guilt but have decided I can’t do it any more ..on his sober days I love him but there are too few .he holds down a job but every day off he has he is drunk ..so we have no days out ..either he is hungover or has no money I am so lucky we don’t have kids ..my advice to you is give him an utalimun now to get help and follow up on it don’t trust him to tell you he is changing .don’t waste 5 years like I have. I am 35 also and I’m a little scared of being alone but there will be a huge weight lifted off when I don’t need to worry wat I will come home to .we are both still young and will meet the right person. Take care

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