[ambaj24]

Hi I’m new here but basically feel I have nowhere to turn. My partner we’ve been together for about a year now and at first it was great but one time we stayed at a hotel and he started using cocine . And then every other week he got it . He acted fine on it but now he still takes even though time and time again I’ve begged him to stop we live at my parents and he brings it into the house it’s usually when I’m asleep he’ll sit up and hide it from me and do it without me knowing to me waking up and he’s walking around the bedroom paranoid . Flashing his light on his phone getting his camera out thinking someone’s done something to him starts opening doors acting like a crazy person and like a switch goes in his brain . My mum and dad don’t know he has done it but if he even hears a noise he goes out and starts getting aprnaoid and I’m sitting there getting scared wondering if he’s gonna wake my parents up if they knew he would be out the door. He had a marriage and a child before me but it broke down and has nowhere or family other here just me . I have begged him to stop he promises me the next day he will then a few weeks or months later bang he does it again same thing I don’t know how much more I can take . Or what to do because I love him so much and he says he loves me but he never accepts he has a problem which I know he does because it’s not normal to sit there On a Monday night in bed and do coke on your own . He says it’s stress but I just need help or advise

[fayzey]

Hi Ambaj, really sorry to hear you are going through this – it’s so awful watching someone you love do this to themselves. It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend thinks he has a problem yet which would be the first step to getting himself sorted. I would read some of the other posts on here and that will give you some insight into how it generally goes having a relationship with an addict which isn’t positive unfortunately. Having said that some do get themselves clean and recover, I know a few that have and now happy, but only once they admit they have a problem with it and make some real effort to stop – it’s not easy at all. You need to protect yourself in the meantime.

I would suggest he calls cocaine anonymous and gets some help. And set some boundaries – if he wants to do it he should go somewhere else maybe so it’s not around you and your family. You say his marriage has broken down and I wonder if that was to do with drugs?

And on the stress point – coke makes you extremely anxious and paranoid and like you’re a terrible person, so it’s a vicious circle of then having to do more to block that horrible niggling feeling out temporarily, only for it to come back worse than ever.

Take care of yourself xx

[ambaj24]

Thank you update he took again last night was awake all night with him . He was supposed to take me to a bike thing today but I had to cance due to him taking and now being unable to . I’ve told him I don’t want to speak to him and cried because he lied to me when I asked him yesterday if he took he kept saying no what’s the problem bang he’s done it again. I don’t know where else to turn we’ve had many conversations and I think your right until he realises him self but nothing is working . I think I need to be mean and not nice anymore to finally get him to realise?

[sew26]

Hi Ambaj,

I’ve been living with the consequences of my partners addiction for over 2 years now. I have tried every angle, love, patience, anger nothing has worked.

But from my own experience I would say that anger has been the worst way to go. Your boyfriend whether he can admit it right now or not will be feeling a lot of guilt & shame. Anger, fighting and nastiness between you will only serve to push him further into himself and feel more of that shame and guilt.

That’s not to say that you should let him away with it. You have to set boundaries for yourself, not him. You cannot control his actions and will drive yourself crazy trying.

You’ve said that he takes in the house and you dont want him to do that. Start there. You can communicate with him that you are not comfortable with him using in your home and asking him not to do it. If he continues to do that you have to decide on what the consequence is asking him to leave would be a good start. You don’t have to tell him what the consequence would be, but try to hold firm on your boundaries.

Life with an addict is very very hard. I truly know what it’s like to love and hate someone at the same time. But I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone else.

Don’t close yourself off from friend and family, find some support, the more you do that the more isolated you will feel and you will become more dependent on him to fill most of your needs.

You are also not responsible for him having no one else. Please take care of yourself first and reach out if I you want to talk

Sending Love,

S x

[ambaj24]

Thank you so much this is it I told him last time not to and he has again . He has nowhere to go if I kick him out or he does but thinks I don’t love him want to be with him so I feel bad and tell him I do and he promises he will change . He has net he won’t admit to me he has a problem but lied when I asked him if he took it yesterday and 15 mins later is of his head on it . Thank you so much I have only spoken to one person and you on here about it as have none to turn to . His cousin actually knows how he gets and said he had a problem now he don’t talk to her as he thinks we all wanted him out the house when he acted crazy on it and keeps telling me he should just go and end it and kill himself

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