[paw_x]

Hi Aimz,

I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said, especially the not wanting to give up on the life you’ve built for yourself. I found myself thinking, what if I let go after trying so hard to fix him, and then a few months later he manages to stay sober finally and he settles down with some other girl who reaps the benefits and gets the man I knew was in there all along? But it’s mental to think like that – put yourself through hell for years with no guarantee he’ll change, just because you’ve spent time building a life with this person.

You won’t be able to change him. He needs to do that. I supported my partner for a year through relapses and slips and did everything I seen online – support them, don’t upset them as they feel bad enough, etc. It didn’t work and I was lied to constantly. What has worked a little was him losing his job and me finally kicking him out of the house so he couldn’t just keep pretending to himself his addiction wasn’t a problem. And even at that, he’s had issues balancing recovery and done stupid things and made a mess of things at times – so he won’t be coming home anytime soon. You need to find your own peace as much as you can try, you will drive yourself insane trying to fix someone who you can’t control. Your partner currently can’t control his addiction so there’s zero chance you can.

Tell him to get to CA meetings and to immerse himself in recovery, but focus on yourself and rebuilding your life. He seems a long way off of even accepting he has a problem and you don’t deserve to be put through this anymore. You’ll end up a shell of your former self if you keep going through this while he does whatever he likes and disrespects you. Good luck x

[Author]

Posts