[confused123]

My boyfriend is withdrawing from. Codeine.

I am 3 months pregnant I’m trying yo support him and give him space.

But he keeps changing his mind about our relationship.

I’m a wreck, I have another son who is 5, I’m trying to,be a mum, be a supportive girlfriend and trying not yo get too stressed for our unborn baby.

But it’s so hard, he keeps telling me his feelings have got less for me over the last 2 weeks, (from being caught out over the codeine, to the withdrawel and me doubting him)

Is this a usual reaction?

Should he be having these feelings

We are great in every other way.

He ends things then 10 minutes later says he doesn’t mean it and he’s sorry.

But he does stick to the fact that his feelings feel less lately.

What should I do?

I’m a mess x

[retroheadz]

Confused123,

I want you to know that your message is absolutely familiar and makes sense!

Many people in my circle of current and past Codeine addicts display this kind of behaviour, identical even. What’s important is YOU!!! Please take care and try not to stress because your baby is your priority for sure, nothing else. When my wife was pregnant I was going through one of many withdrawals and one minute I was lovely and the next I was packing my bag. Withdrawals make you act like someone else, basically you can’t control the monster inside that makes you want to take the pills. That said, please don’t take this the wrong way but try to trust him in portions and take what he says with caution because sneaky pill popping is the way addict work, and it’s a hard drug to kick. Depending on how much he’s been taking and how long for it would be quick of me to say that he may return to taking. Anyway, keep yourself calm and if he’s in the zone and threatening to leave and no longer thinks it will work then remember, it’s the cravings + physical and mental part of the drug. If he loves you he will either fight through it and beat the demons or seek professional help to get off the codeine. Take car of that bump!

[confused123]

Thankyou so much for that reply, I knew I was right in thinking it was the withdrawal but its nice to have some kind of confirmation.

He’s been taking them for about 2 months secretly until I found out he was ordering them online, then he said he didnt want to be on them as his tolerence was getting too high he was needing 6 30mg at a time which was starting to not work, then taking more to prevent getting another ‘headache’ I let him lie until he wanted to tell me.

He moved out and lasted 6 hours before he came home upset and wanting help to prevent this happening again.

I feel he needs the help from professionals to prevent this from happening again especially when we have our baby coming xx

He’s back to his old self today, bsck at work last night, colour in his face, laughing and joking.

He has an extremely addictive personality, has Ben aficted to codeine 5 years ago before we met, and found himself reliant on codeine again in March this year but stopped and took himself off it again with my help xx

[retroheadz]

Good!

Even is he feels like he doesn’t need it and it’s a load of nonsense try and get some help with addiction because relapse is common as he’s found out. Enjoy your new baby.x

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

So sorry to read your post and to see how hard this is for you especially being pregnant.

I work for a charity called Icarus Trust that provides support for the friends and families of addicts. If you would like some support for yourself please contact us and you can be put in touch wioth one of oue experienced trained people.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck with everything.

[confused123]

Back again unfortunately … we had our baby girl in February and she is amazing … not making much of a difference to how my partner feels about codeine, which I didnt think it would, having a baby doesnt change how you feel about things.

Boyfriend came clean that he cant deal with the cravings any longer so we came to an arrangement that he would start therapy which he does once a week and we pay for as he chose to go private … and would take codeine in codeine lictus form once a week, he is open and we work together.

Its absolutely heart wrenching knowing what he is doing that one day a week but I’m just thankful he doesnt lie to me anymore.

So today he was rejected from.online pharmacy to have it delivered for monday, which just sent everything crazy, we were enjoying a lovely day, he was in good spirits.

Then the ‘I’m going out, to do what the hell I want’, ‘I’m not telling u where I’m going’

I’m learning and trying ny hardest not to bute, but my god it hurts.

Iv left him to it, hes gone to our room and hasnt gone out, alot is to hurt me I know.

I dont really know why iv wrote on here again, probably for someone to tell me it’s normal…. I dont know xxx

[retroheadz]

Confused123, Hi, I know this is difficult because I have suffered this for such a long time so please please don’t loose hope. Codeine and opiate in general are horrible and almost definitely difficult to let go of if you become addicted. Sometimes therapy only works if you are prepared to let go and that’s really not possible for most people. Taking codeine when you don’t need it is no different to taking any other illegal substance and that is the key! Your baby is the most important thing in both your lives but you partner has an addiction that is very difficult to quit and sadly with opiates you need to quit for good!!! And then try not to look back. Your story is so familiar that I can almost see what he is going through and know what your going through. He needs to think about a different approach to stopping the codeine and you also need help in dealing with the impact. I wish I could help but I would suggest that your try every possible option available to you from his and your doctors regardless of what your partner thinks because this won’t go away. Please take care. X

[confused123]

Thanks so much for replying.

Saturday he took 40 odd tablets and sunday 20 odd, flushed the remaining 20 as he said he had had too much and felt to out of it. This was also mixed with valium to help him sleep.

He decided from today, Monday, that he was going cold turkey and getting off it.

His parents have offered to pay for private rehab £8000 plus.

Said that if he cabt come off the codeine himself he will go to rehab…

Now, this afternoon he has said he wont ever go to rehab, and he does t wnat to stop taking it forever as he likes it and he wants to just have a treat I asked how often, he replied once a week!!!

I was infuriated, how can he think that it can work when its ended up him bingeing all weekend because he cant cope with the once a week.

I told him it cant work it will never work.

Theres no way out is there, unless he wants to get help then theres nothing any of us can do anymore.

His sex drive has gone, he doesnt compliment me, he doesnt laugh with me, iv lost him in this codeine cloud.

Can I ask are u still using? And if so what did u do or not do, what helped or didnt help xx

[retroheadz]

Morning Confused123, I know what you are going through PLEASE believe me. I have to say that this won’t go away and the fact that he has made it clear he doesn’t want to stop is standard for a codeine user and to be honest taking it makes you feel numb to emotional pain more than physical pain. He’s basically hooked and is not ready to stop at the moment so don’t offer the rehab as an option as your money will be lost. Flushing the tabs is also a “wanting to stop” motion but when the urge to take comes it just makes you wish you didn’t! Anyway, the addiction can only get worse unless you take action and change your approach. I’m not sure what that is but he needs to know you don’t want to live like this. The only thing you have on your side is that he’s not a veteran at this and he’s not had long at it so he’s definitely got a chance at beating it but HE needs to want it bad!!! For the sake of you and that little baby. Don’t give him options other than the one that is available to him which is do you want to quit? If yes then that’s the time to get help and if not then your going to live with his escalating addiction for many years.. sad but true. And the answer to your question is yes I’m still taking and have been for 20yrs plus. Quit several times and cried a 1000 times, I have a bad back but that’s just an excuse. I know many people that take codeine in large quantities and most of them are successful family driven people like myself but also have this nasty addiction that can ruin your life. I’m sorry, please make him stop whatever it takes x

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