[jphillips]

My partner, of nearly 2 years has a serious cocaine addiction. I knew he took it and I knew it was perhaps more than recreational use. He works and earns quite well, but he constantly asks me for money, claiming his wages were wrong and he’s waiting for money to go in his bank, etc, the usual story! I’ve lent him over £1000 in the last 6 months or so and haven’t received it back, he pays a little, then borrows more! Whenever I’ve tried to sit down and talk to him about it, he point blank refuses. I’m terrified he’s going to take too much one day and equally terrified of who’s going to come knocking at my door. 

Not knowing much about his past, I spoke to his ex wife and she told me how he’d done a stint in rehab a while back, but relapsed, ran up more debt and slept with an alcoholic behind her back!

The final straw for me, was finding out he’d been on swingers sites for the last 5 months and slept with god knows who. I don’t want to turn my back on him, I love him, but I’m not sure I can help him. Especially because he doesn’t admit to having a problem and won’t talk about it. I threw him out and now he’s living in his work van. I feel awful and so guilty. I just want to tell him to come home, but that isn’t going to solve the problem for anyone.

Any advice you can give from your experience would be much appreciated. 

Thanks

[danman83]

Hope your ok. I’m in the same situation as your hubby. But I’m doing my best to quit. He needs to want to quit himself. There is no point in making him, it won’t work.

He needs to delete all dealers numbers. Quit drinking. Come off all social media. Delete every one’s numbers he has it with. And that’s just the start. I guess your in a hard situation. But do what’s best for you. Do you have any kids?

[jphillips]

Thanks DanMan83. I realise that I cannot force him to want to get clean, it’s got to come from him. GENUINELY. I really love him and don’t want to turn my back on him but I have 2 young children from my 1st marriage. He has 2 young children from his 1st marriage. I own my own house, car and have some decent savings and he knows all this. I’ll be damned if he’s going to lose it all through his addiction. He’s at his mums right now and he says that he wants to change, he’s lost enough blah blah blah. But I’m not convinced and hes got a hell of a long way to go to prove anything. And then there’s the sites where he’s been going behind my back! Is it all just too much and should I just cut my losses?!

Problem with deleting numbers, won8he just be able to go out and get it? He said he’s going to give his mum his bank card and she’ll control his money, which she has done before. But I’m worried he’ll just get tick so I’m not sure that’ll help either!!

[danman83]

Ye he could go out and just get it. I tend to lapse on Fridays every few week. So I bought a safe and give my gf my car keys and phone every fri and sat before 4 o’clock to lock it away. It’s just about cutting off as many ways as you can to how you get it. Me personally am trying my best to stop and come up with these ideas. So I guess it comes down to how much he wants it. And you are right, he can just go get it on tick. How often does he use

[jphillips]

Locking away phone and keys is a good idea. But don’t you get the craving any other day of the week? Thing is he uses his phone for work and it’s quite often at weekends so this would be near on impossible to do. I have no idea how much he uses if I’m honest because I’m very naive at reading the signs. I’ve never taken drugs so i have little to no knowledge of the signs. But I do know that he manages to blow his wages every week which is at least £150-£300 so its near enough every day I would hazard a guess. But again, it’s only a guess because he doesn’t and won’t tall about it.

I’ll be honest, I’m really at the stage now where I’m thinking of cutting my losses. He claims not to want to talk but I saw him back on his swinging site last night (bcoz I’m keeping tabs on him, not bcoz I’m on it, just to be clear!!) And I’m worth more than that and deserve better. I’m sure he does want more and better out of life, but at the moment I don’t think it’s enough to make him want to stop. Not being funny, but if your kids aren’t a good reason, then what is?? A bleating gf who as far as he can see is just nagging at him to quit, isn’t going to cut it!

May I ask why/how you started? Do you still take it? Is it bcoz people are in a bad place that they take it? Or can they he very happy in life, but just be addicted to it? I need to try and educate myself because what I know about addiction could be written on a postage stamp!

[danman83]

Yes I do about once every 2 week. May be 3 week. Start of the year I was 2 month. It started by just going out pubs and that. But then I stopped going out. But then I was already addicted so it stayed with me. I’ve watched a video we’re if u have it for once a month for 6 month your addicted. You don’t have to be having it everyday to be addicted to it. If you want to educate yourself. Watch a video on you tube. Search Louise Clarke crack cocaine part 1 2 3. This is a great vid and she helps you how to stop. And she’s helped lots of other addicts. I bought her book which is a great read

[beth1025]

Ok. I’m just going to say it – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! RUN!! He needs long term rehab (at least 90 days of in house rehab – even then, it takes an average of 3 rehab stints before it works – if it works). He knows he has a problem, takes money from you. Do some serious research about how addicts ruin families, drain finances, and why are you giving him money when you know he’s an addict? You are enabling him! You are a part of the problem. And you allow him around your kids? You are not married to this guy, he’s not the father of his kids, you’ll ruin your children’s lives. I am going to be straight up honest – you are enabling him, I question what kind of mom you are for allowing a known addict around your kids. “I love him’?!? Grow up!! I’m dealing with an addict who’s ripping my family apart. I’m doing my darnest to get this addict out of my family’s life. What this kid is doing to our family is absolutely normal. He will ruin you and your kids lives. Get real and get rid of him!

[georgie1410]

Totally agree with Beth1025. For your childrens sake please get rid of him.

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