[loulou03]

Hi, my partner of 3 years has been abusing alcohol and cocaine for years, I wasn’t aware until it became apparent when we moved in together when we fell pregnant and bought our house. He is funny, good looking (in my opinion), sporty, great job. I fell in love with him very quickly. I was eventually finding hidden empty bottles, he was staying up all hours, going through my phone (no reason to be paranoid) accusing me of ridiculous things, acting strange at times, months and months later I started finding empty and occasionally full bags of cocaine. After some highs and lows in our relationship due to arguments about this he finally broke down and admitted everything, although he then denied he even said it the next day, but then admitted again, he started seeing a counsellor but this was Short lived though and things got worse. I have a little boy from a previous relationship who really loves him and they get on well and I we now have a 1 year old together and a larger mortgage I could handle on my own. He doesn’t drink everyday as he spends one evening pissed and when I’ve gone to bed gets off his face on coke, the next day is spent getting over it. I often find white powder on the floor where he sits, I go crazy as our baby is crawling all over now as as baby’s do, puts everything he gets his hands on in his mouth. Anyway back to present day…. He now has a medical to get his licence back, ( yes he’s been done for failing to provide a sample) it’s a CDT test and measures a protein in the liver that moves iron round the body. After some research we’ve come to the conclusion he needs to be t total until the test in 28 days. He’s been 4 days without alcohol or coke and he is so irritable, sweating at night with nightmares. He’s still managing work. He’s messaged me this morning saying he hates himself so that’s the lack of dopamine kicking in. How do i support him? he’s miserable. Still in denial it’s the drink and coke doing this, he’s convinced himself it’s the stress of not having his license. I’m sure it’s that aswel but being forced to give up his favourite hobby :—( isn’t helping. How long will this go on for? Any advice? I want to sit him down after this 28 days and say see, you’ve done it! Don’t do it again!! and end this nightmare and get my man back. Any advice would help!!

[loulou03]

This ment to say… a mortgage I COULDNT handle on my own! I do not want to end the relationship but being stuck financially makes it harder to leave if I make that choice. Sorry for the long post

[paw_x]

Hi Loulou,

I am in a similar situation to you in that it’s not quite as simple to just leave my partner as we’ve taken on a new house in the last year and he’s now admitted relapsing several times after many years of sobriety. However, mines has fully admitted what he’s done, knows he has a problem, and is now at NA meetings every day along with support from mental health. I did ask him to leave the family home as us being around each other during this time doesn’t help, I certainly needed space and time to heal and he needs to feel the consequences of what he’s done and what he might lose. He’s now at his parents house and trying his very best.

It doesn’t sound like your partner has realised his issues and part of that might be that he hasn’t really had any consequences for his own actions. While I might send my partner support it’s not without reminding him of the trauma he’s caused his family and that we might never recover from this. He lied to us all to put his addiction first, he cost us thousands, and the stress he put me through is horrific. Addicts will continue to manipulate you until they can’t get away with it anymore, he needs to know that this isn’t acceptable and that he needs to change. He won’t get there without first accepting he has a problem and so you need to put in place boundaries and put your foot down. You really need to put yourself and your child first. It’s up to him to fix his problem but it’s not up to you to look after him while he does that if he’s not safe to be in the house – it might do you both good for a bit of space if it helps him realise what he’s doing.

Good luck x

[eddie123]

There is an excellent charity that I know can support you – they have a remote family support group, and also provide free treatment for addicts struggling with addiction issues. To read more about them and receive the help please see link https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

you can fill in the referral form on their website.

They also support addicts, and provide free rehab to them if they are ready for help, all the info is on their website!

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