[ash03]

So i’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I honestly love him so much. We are in college together (both 18) and it’s going really well however he used to have a past I don’t like. I know he loves me so much so i’m not really afraid of him cheating but he used to smoke heavily and do drugs (coke). I have expressed that I don’t like it and as far as I know he hasn’t done it since I told him but every time he goes out with his mates I feel sick to my stomach, thinking he’s going to do it. This could be due to him recently vaping behind my back, thinking I didn’t know (which I did) and drinking heavily throughout the day, even before 9am and at college. I’m finding it really hard to find the trust at the moment which is why I think i’m so scared when he’s out and i’m not there. The feeling I get is so horrible. I’m going away quite a lot in summer and I honestly don’t know how i’m going to cope with this feeling. If anyone knows how to help or has any similar experiences please please reply to this so I don’t feel alone in this.

Thank you <3

[miked80]

Hi Ash,

It’s so easy to feel alone – if you read the other threads you’ll find that’s all too common for anyone who’s partnered up with an addict. So you’re far from alone.

I have the same worries every time my boyfriend is out. Especially around payday. I totally get where you’re coming from. Vaping in and of itself isn’t so bad, but the fact he’s doing it behind your back is. Even then, I’m far more worried about the drinking. Maybe it’s a reaction to the withdrawal from coke, but it sounds more like he’s replaced one addiction with another.

I’m not sure I can tell you anything that will magically give you a sense of trust and security. What I can advise is that you set boundaries between you and his problematic behaviours – the heavy drinking, the day drinking, etc. Just so you’re not feeling the guilt that you’ve enabled it or let it happen. At the end of the day, though, he’s only going to change because he wants to for him – it never really works out when they change for someone else.

[ash03]

Thank you for your response. I agree that the vaping isn’t too bad, it was just the lying. He has come clean now and is trying to get off but it isn’t changing the fact I have no trust. As exams are happening I feel like it’s helping the situation as he isn’t going out, but I feel like once exams are done and it’s summer it’ll be so much worse. The drinking is bad at the moment and will get worse from here. There have been many incidents where he’s lied to me about drinking saying he hasn’t had anything and then i hear from someone he has. It’s the lying that is the worst. I think part of it is his friends who are bad influences. He hasn’t done drugs since I told him I didn’t like it. But like I said, when i’m on holiday and he’s going out with his mates what’s stopping him from doing it? and I will have no idea. I’ve realised that he’s the only one that can change himself and meanwhile I need to figure out how to not feel sick and horrible every time this happens but have no idea how to stop it.

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