[tokiwartooth]

I feel like it’s best for you to leave him. Even if you want to mend the relationship later. This has been a crazy difficult struggle for you and you don’t sound happy. He’s leaning on you, you said you’re working and taking care of him. That just allows him to continue this behavior. Stepping away, even if short term, may be the best thing for both of you. You should know I’m not an expert and actually just joined this site seeking help myself. But that’s my opinion. Best of luck, you’re in a difficult situation.

[fayzey]

Hi Cat93, so sorry to hear that, what a shame he started using as soon as he came off the meds – my partner has been tapering down for about 2 years now, he’s still on a low dose but has recently relapsed with coke/maybe crack but no opiates I don’t think as he’s still taking his bupronorphine – i feel exactly like you, it’s been a long draining journey and if it wasn’t for the fact we have kids I wouldn’t still be with him – I don’t know what to do either so maybe not the best person for advice lol but I totally get how you’re feeling – he’s got his routine drug test for his prescriber tomorrow so he’s been detoxing since Wednesday sleeping and being grumpy/rude – hoping he doesn’t get straight back on it after his appointment but if he does I think that’s it I can’t cope anymore…. Maybe they could put your partner back on it…..did he come off too quick? I find the constant lying the worst thing xx

[jamesb]

Hi Cat, I hope you’re okay.

Your partner is very lucky to have had you stand by him through everything and it really says alot about how loving and selfless of a person you are.

I normally post here giving advice and help people understand their partners addiction and in some ways it may seem I’m sticking up for them but I normally try to just make people understand that addicts aren’t always bad people and that it is an illness that no one sets out to fall victim to.

In your case however, you have been with him for so long and been through the process many times already so I’m sure you know all of that.

Deep down your boyfriend doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s probably hates the way his addiction effects your life and your own well being but like all addicted people, he will have this thing inside him that he battles that occasionally he falls victims to and relapses. If he wasn’t ashamed he wouldn’t make the excuse like it was only a little etc.

I too slipped into addiction from occasional use when I lost my parents both within a year of eachother and like you said about your partner, Cocaine was how I dealt with it. Well more so didn’t deal with it. I used it to make me numb.

At first yes that was true, I was using cocaine as a coping mechanism but soon the reality was I was losing my loss as an excuse to justify the fact I was addicted and just wanted to keep doing coke.

No amount of drugs will bring back anyone and all it does no matter what the drug is, is delay the greiving process and cause a whole world of pain for both yourself and everyone around you along the way.

My partner eventually left me. And if I’m honest she didn’t leave “me” she left the person who I’d become. She left a guy who she couldn’t count on anymore a guy who kept promising no more but always did again. A guy who made excuses, lied and was trying to blame everyone one and everything else for his failings.

Im now not that guy any more, I’m clean and honest and that’s why I come on here so much because what I know about what addiction does to a person and their family.

My advice to you as hard as it is, is to move on with your life and focus on yourself. You don’t deserve to be living an unhappy life because of someone else’s problems. You have done more than most and I applaud you for it but at some point you have to say enough is enough and focus your energy back into living a life that is fulfilling and make you happy.

Im not saying cut him off completely if you don’t want to but you must set clear boundaries and try to stick to them.

Deep down he will still be a good loving guy and I feel after years of you supporting him, he has to now prove to you he is worth all that love and support and earn the right to have you in his life by really taking control of his addiction.

I once had to ask myself, “if she (my partner) was a friend of mine and her boyfriend was treating her the way I am, what you’d I say to her? I’d tell her to run a mile!)

I used to blame her for everything and make it her fault saying she didn’t love me and that she never believed me but in fact I couldn’t tell you any reason why I really deserved her to give me the time of day.

I’ve had to earn that right back and I’m still doing it now.

You’re a great person and you deserve to be happy. Don’t feel guilt for putting yourself first.

If he deserves your love he will prove to you that he does and I really hope he can do that because I know deep down that’s all you want.

Hope that made some kind of sense.

I’m always here if you want to talk.

Take care.

James x

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