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So it’s nearly 4am and for the second night I’m in bed and my boyfriend is downstairs awake. I know he’s done cocaine. He thinks I can’t tell but who would still be up now. It’s obvious he just can’t sleep because of it. He was up all night last night and slept all day. I feel like I’m single. I can’t seem to break myself out of his cycle. I have never taken drugs but I can completely understand his situation but the broken promises and the debt I’m now in because of this. I am now depressed. I had counselling as I thought it would help me to help him but I can’t afford that anymore. He tells me he will get help and writes these lists to say he’s helping himself but nothing happens and it just gets worse again.
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Hey, I’m in a similar situation to yourself. Constant cycle but mine is 3 weeks cycle. The remorse kicks in days later and promises about that’s it kick the habit but then 3 weeks later it starts again.
I’ve tried a few things even making appointments but they weren’t kept.
I really feel for you. Is he lying about when he’s doing it and hiding it? Either way I think it’s a convo when he’s not high to say this is make or break. That’s the convo I’ll be having shortly. Good luck
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Hi kindred. Im like your bf and its quite sad being downstairs on your own doing it. I thought it was just me like this. But the more i learn and see. There are alot like him and me. Its a disease at the end of the day and i hate the stuff.
Ive lapsed twice this year.. once after 2 month the next after 6 week. Im absolutly gutted. But im back sorting myself out now.
Your bf needs to delete all coke dealers out of his phone. All friends that take the stuff. Stay away from alcohol as this triggers it. Ive done so much to stop and it works. Its just these little triggers that set the lapse off. Does he want to quit?
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No matter what you say or do if he wants to continue he will, drug addiction is so hard to understand – i was in your situation and until he wants to stop then there is nothing you can do. its heartbreaking, coke tears families apart, you end up insane and mentally ill yourself – if he really wanted to stop youd see active steps towards trying to get better – he needs to go to the doctors and beg for help. My bf did and hes been clean since Jan.
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Hi Kindred,
I’m so sorry to read how your boyfriend’s drug habit is making you feel depressed. I know it’s really hard to deal with and it’s such a shame about your counselling having to end.
If you would like to talk to us at The Icarus Trust please get in touch. We are a charity set up in order to offer support to people like you who are coping with the impact of a partner’s addiction. You could be put in touch with one of our experienced and trained people and talking with them might help you.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.
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Thank you very much. And i hope your bf sorts himself out.. If there is one thing i could do.. to promote the dangers of coke and how to stop. My advice would be. Dont ever try it. And avoid it at all cost. Its a horrible and addictive drug. That plays tricks on you. Good luck
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I’m too in this situation I don’t know what to do, and it’s not something I can openly talk to people about
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I really do think if hes not willing to sort himself or do his best to try, i know what id do..
Just think if hes still the same in 5 10 years time.. and your with him. How would you feel?
I wish i could change the past.
Its your choice tho.
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You would think with him having no one he would make it work with you and settle down.
Im going to be honest.. but hes taking the piss out of you. I take it.. its your house and your worried him being homeless?
Do you have kids together?
I seriously would say you have one more chance or thats it. Its your life tho. But it sounds like hes using you or taking advantage of you.. what time will he get in?
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Hey so I’ve been constantly in this cycle. And I’ve decided enough is enough!!
He’s vile and on a downward spiral out of control!
So I’m stepping back I’ve given all I can!
Hadn’t seen him since Wednesday I’ve had a few messages but they’re just vile nonsense!
Last night he was quiet then about 10pm tried to pick a row over message to engage in convo. I know he’s been on it just by the way his messages. He’s a different person jackal and Hyde!
4am I woke up to two missed calls me being me worried called him back he was just silent on the phone I tried talking to him for 8mins asking where he was was he ok. Nothing then he hung up.
Obvs mind does overtime called and called him till 5am.
So I called to the house called the bell then remembered I had spare keys. Found him in bed he was alive so I left.
Then vile messages have started again how dare i break in?!
It’s time I start thinking and caring about ME! He’s in a vicious cycle and he has no remorse, no apology he’s been like this constantly for over a week!
What I’m saying it’s super hard and I hear you! But if he’s not going to change then you can’t help guide your wasting your breath! Also it’s impacting your health anxiety and depression. No one should make you or I feel like that. It’s not healthy. Standing back last night I’ve noticed I’ve isolated myself because of the situation. And that’s not good either.
I’ve always lived life and crazy thrown anyone who stopped that to the side! BUT this person has a hold on my heart that no one has before and it’s hard. So I know how you feel but it’ll strip you of your self esteem.
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I fee exactly the same. I can sit here doing cocaine without a care for my partner upstairs. Trust us he isn’t doing it deliberately to upset you. We’re creatures of habit, that we can’t escape. Your boyfriend sounds exactly like I feel. And behaves exactly like myself. My own gf never realised how I was behaving though, I have/had an urge to get caught. I want her to know. To the point when I told her. I literally grabbed her in the middle of the night one night and told her what I had been doing. I woke her up at 3am thinking if I shared this problem then that would be it. She still thinks I’m clean. I love coke more than anything. It’s weird. More than my own family. It beholds me when I think about it. I can’t get the feeling out of my head. And I must do it. I’ve been a meeting once and could talk. So this I guess is my confession. My cry for help. Does anyone want to chat? Now she thinks I am clean. I still can not control my addiction. It’s unbearable. I’ve read books and watched tv programs about people with addiction and it’s unreal. It’s a real problem. Bigger than cancer I think. We just don’t get the same press. We dont anything deliberately. Please can someone chat?
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I guess the meeting didn’t feel right for me. A bit too religious and righteous. Maybe thought I was too good for it. Or couldn’t commit to it? I know they are meant to be the best way of getting clean but I guess it’s admitting that I have a problem and I guess I’m struggling to do that again. Especially after been given an ultimatum off the missus. I’m scared to lose everything.
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Hi Kindredcoyote
i think youd benefit from speaking to a counsellor that specialises in this – I did and it helped me understand.
The thing is, when they tell you they want to stop and make promises they do mean it at the time, but the addiction takes over.. again and again and again.
If i am completely honest, I wouldn’t start a family with someone with a cocaine addiction as this is an awful vicious cycle that will continue to repeat itself and when kids are in the middle its awful, they will end up hurting too, like you are now.
if he doesn’t physically go and get help I would walk away as nothing will change, you’ll drive yourself insane.. you will end up ill, like many of us on here.
Cocaine comes first, its their safety blanket, threatening giving ultimatums doesn’t work – believe me i have tried.
Its hard to accept and understand but its the sad truth, once it really gets them and they dont even really want to stop you cannot do anything accept sit and watch them self destruct and get left with absolutely nothing or walk away and you will find happiness.
J Betty is right – its a disease, most of the time incurable – well they say its incurable and it can only be ‘managed’ but not sure on that really, but i do know it takes a hell of a lot to stop, and by the sounds of it your partner is in deep.
Literally if he isn’t willing to go beg his GP for help or whatever you cant do nothing – its horrible to accept but that will come first, no matter what.
Lots of people on here have made the choice to walk away, i would say read through some threads as i found them so helpful, it makes you realise how bad this really can get.
HE needs to want to stop you wanting him to will never work.
I wish you well.. you deserve happiness. xx
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Thanks btw kindred it’s good to be listened to
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Hey mate ive been like you for years. But im doing my best to stop. Ive lasped twice this year. I cant stand the stuff. Download an app called pocket rehab.. its were addicts and ex talk and help each other out?
What are you doing to stop?
How much and when do you use?
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Currently it’s been once a week at the weekend. One or two grams. So not a massive amount but it’s enough to ruin my whole weekend. I can go through periods of weeks or even months without it. I just seem to slip back into a habit. It’s usually hand in hand with alcohol.
Currently doing nothing more than relying on willpower, which clearly isn’t enough.
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Hi my husband has a bad problem with coke. I think it’s amazing how you have tried to stop. He has little interest only when he feels ill afterwards. I have beeb supportive in the the past but am sick of how lonely my life has become with him. Either off his head or sleeping. I wonder if your app might help? He won’t do anything to help himself & ive told him I’m waiting until he is really ill as nothing else seems to scare him. How did you start to help yourself?
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I’m dealing with the same stuff. I’m exhausted..by the time I catch up on the norm after his every 3 week binge it’s right back to the same old thing. I gave up on it all but am stuck dealing until I can move out. If only he would respect my peace i would be able to get one step ahead of leaving even faster. If I fall asleep or separate myself from his using it becomes dangerous for me. I hate this disease in more ways then I could say. Glad I found this chat
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I have been in a few bad relationships and have ended them. Been single for a while now and hear it from friends all the time about being picky. I don’t feel picky, I feel like I don’t want to end up with the same kind of relationship that I’ve been in before.My last relationship ended the moment i walked in on him in the old ladies bed naked,thanks to”hackingloop6@ gm ail.c o m”for earlier hacking his phone and gained me remote access to his phone activities,on that day i located their venue through GPS tracker,and ugh it all ended.
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I’m so glad I came across this site. I feel like I’m going crazy..why does it bother me so much..why do I let my partners cocaine addiction get to me so much…why do I take him back when deep down I know he’s not going to stop.. I have absolutely no one I can talk to about this.
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I’ve always read the threads and discussions on this page and others like it. Made an account today with the intention of helping myself or at the very least helping someone else understand there not the only one.
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Recognize this is an old thread but is on of the few that I can maybe relate to from the users point of view. Hope someone wouldn’t mind hearing or talking.
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Hi kindredcyote I have just read your shout out and you are not alone as you can see from all the replies you have had on here we are all here to talk about our issues with our partners and loved ones. My husband is a cocaine addict and yes like your story he is often wide awake up all night long never coming to bed and I have spent many nights full of tears alone and confused but soon realised that I needed to talk to someone so I came here to Adfam and this has helped me through some very lonely times. With the cocaine also my husband follow a with alchole so and it’s a battle.I have tried talking to him when he is sober and all the promises that are promised by him never follow through it’s one big lie time after time and financial problems with his selfish habits. The only way you get through this is by getting him to seek outside help which I am going to try with my husband but its easier said than done and sadly they have to be the ones to accept it and work with that battle. Just remember that you are not alone Adfam forum is full of people who battle this on a daily basis. Message me anytime if you need to talk things through sometimes we need others to just talk through challenging situations. Hang in there
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Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve been scouring the internet for any sort of site I could find people to relate to & validate my concerns & make me feel less crazy. My boyfriend has the same issue & after having some enlightening psychedelic experiences, he was doing great, had less of a craving (still has never considered professional help). His car ended up getting STOLEN, so right after this is when he started using heavily again (although he never completely stopped). He found himself another car (an older car, but a car nonetheless). It happened gradually, but he was communicating with me where he was & wasn’t being irritable or awful toward me like he’d been before. He wasn’t disappearing for days or weeks at a time. The past 2 weeks has been rapidly getting worse & now last night he said he was getting beer with his brother & his brother got home a few hours later, according to social media. After asking his brother’s girlfriend (she’s somewhat aware of our issues) I found that he had left before midnight. It’s now 10:08 in the morning. I feel like I’m going crazy. My mental health has plummeted all over again over the last couple of weeks. He just got paid yesterday. He has blown his half of our rent on coke & gambling before. I’m terrified. I feel so stupid for being here still. I’m trying desperately to save enough money to move out (for months now), but I can’t catch up. I feel so alone. Thank you to anyone who has said anything on this thread. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to physically read other people’s stories & know for a fact that I am not alone.
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Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though ???? We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.
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Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though 🙁
We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.
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Not sure if this thread is still live but it really resonates with me. My bf of three years does coke regularly, and like so many of you have said, it goes in cycles. He doesn’t want to quit though 🙁
We have broken up previously partly due to it – he cheated on me with a girl that he did coke with. I keep thinking he will change but am I just deluding myself? He’s a different person when he’s on coke and I hate it. Plus he does it when his kids are in the house which I think is absolutely disgusting. He drinks a lot and gambles, so I guess it’s all part of the addiction. I don’t want to break up with him – if I give him an ultimatum I think he would choose the drugs. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of starting an argument but every time he does coke it just makes me so sad and disappointed – and lonely because it’s something I don’t want to do. I feel like he resents me because he’s promised not to do it when I’m with him, but then I feel like he’d rather be doing it than with me.
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Hi my boyfriend has been hiding coke and i found it and he got mad when i did and said iam always snooping on him i cant get pass it or put it behind me or not let it bother me that he is using
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Do not underestimate coke addiction. It’s awful. It leads to a hyper-sensitive life where the person is constantly looking for the next high without contemplating the consequences.
No excuses. We all have choices. The coke addict is selfish. The coke addict will have no real understanding of the pain caused,
I have the most beautiful wife and family. I have no reason to behave like this.
I’m listening to your stories and my heart hurts thinking of your pain.
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Hi,
My boyfriend does it too… he’s very affectionate and a whole different person when he does it and shares his fears and inner feelings with me is this normal?
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My boyfriend does it and it’s financially and emotionally affecting our relationship
He quit his job as he says it wasn’t for him . He’s never been out of work whilst been with him
I’ve paid the bills etc and given him money to get petrol cigs and even to get the stuff to keep him happy and not miserable if I don’t
Last night it came to a head when he asked for more money of me to get some more and I’ve just said I’ve had enough and it’s time we called it a day
Again he hasn’t many places he could go but I’m getting to the point I just don’t want him in my house
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My boyfriend does it and it’s financially and emotionally affecting our relationship
He quit his job as he says it wasn’t for him . He’s never been out of work whilst been with him
I’ve paid the bills etc and given him money to get petrol cigs and even to get the stuff to keep him happy and not miserable if I don’t
Last night it came to a head when he asked for more money of me to get some more and I’ve just said I’ve had enough and it’s time we called it a day
Again he hasn’t many places he could go but I’m getting to the point I just don’t want him in my house
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I’m so sorry to hear about all of your stories but also glad it is not just me.
My bf of 10 years has been using on and off for 4 years. I found out just before Christmas and he said he’d stop but I’m fairly sure he’s still using. It’s so hard but if he’s not going to be honest I feel like I can’t help him.
I bought cocaine tests online and he won’t do them, I feel like thats a massive red flag. I don’t feel nice asking him to do them but if he’s denying using and I think he is, I don’t see another way. If he keeps saying no I think I have to leave. We own a house together but luckily I can go to my parents.
I feel awful abandoning him when I can see he is struggling (he is also on anti depressants). But me being miserable is also not going to help him…
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If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it.
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Thank you, I appreciate your reply.
I feel a lot of responsibility for him and therefore a lot of guilt in leaving when he so evidently needs support. I am also of course so sad because there are many brilliant things about him that I would miss. He’s had a very tough upbringing that’s lead him here.
Was your ex partner okay when you left or did you have to cut ties completely? I hope you don’t mind me asking.
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Nicole – try to put yourself forward 4 years – is this distrust maintainable? , can you build a family around this ? It sounds awful and cold – but this is your life and it depends how you want it to go .
I’m having issues of the same it’s dam hard . Sending strength and hugs xxx
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Thanks so much. He’s admitted he’s still using but we’ve spoken to the GP now and hes on meds for his mood (low mood is a trigger for use) and we’re seeking therapy. I’m giving him a chance but absolutely I don’t want to be here in 4 years if nothing changes.
Thanks so much for the support and I’m sending you the same x
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Hello everyone,
I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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Hello everyone,
I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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Hi Betsy!
You are in the right place. It’s great that he wants to get help and that he has been honest with you about it.
My partner has been using in secret for five years now, and is currently working hard at sobriety.
Some things that have helped is attending CA meetings, individual counselling and some podcasts and books on addiction.
He has also completely changed his routine to include more exercise and not drinking or being in a setting that he would have used in.
It isn’t easy to love someone who has lied, but only you can say whether you want to move forward with him or not.
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I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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I feel so sad reading all of your messages 🙁 I have no hope.
My boyfriend of 6 years told me he’s been using cocaine frequently for about a year now, I didn’t have a clue it was happening. Things weren’t great between us because he didn’t seem to care about much, now I realise why.
I feel so hurt and lied to, I feel helpless and hopeless. He realises it’s a big problem hence he told me. He also wants to do everything to stop and is willing to get professional help. Can anyone provide me with some hope? 🙁
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Hi Betsy
Hope you’re alright. I know it probably is alot to take in know and you have every right to feel the way you do.
I think it’s a brave thing he has done coming clean to you. It says a few things. 1 he obviously is remorseful and wants to stop and knows its an issue, 2 he trusts you, as believe me, this is probably the biggest secret he has and one that he is most ashamed about. It also says he very much loves and cares for you and wants you to know what’s going on in the hope of saving your relationship.
What’s important know is communication and support. If possible, try to find out why he has been doing it. If you can, try to avoid demanding exact details like dates when’s how much etc and then trying to peice together exact nights and using it against him for example “so whilst I was out having dinner with friends that night and you said you was doing this… In fact you was doing that” that will make him close up and not want to talk.
No one wants to become addicted and its important to know that although you feel betrayed, he never did any of this to hurt you. This drug can take a grip of the most decent man and make them do things they never thought they would.
If you have a friend you can trust to talk to this about maybe talk to them about the feelings you have like the anger etc as directing that at him straight away will effect how honest he is with you.
If he is stopping then he is about to go through a pretty tough mental battle and he will already feel the guilt and shame himself without having someone telling him that he is this and that.
That being said I’m not suggesting you walk on egg shells and don’t address the issues it has caused in your relationship but give him the chance to get clean and his head back on straight first so he can be himself when rebuilding with you.
Alot of people turn back to drugs as a coping mechanism and sadly a lot of the time it’s hard to break the cycle when dealing with the consequences of your actions making you feel so worthless and guilty.
I’m giving this advice on the pretence he is a good man. If however you find that you’re being taken advantage of and he continues to use it while lying to you about it my advice would be for your own well being to step back until he sorts himself out. Many partners go through hell with partners for years lying about using and it can turn people crazy constantly trying to catch the other out.
Hope this helps and I wish you both well x
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You are in a better spot than I was, as I didn’t know what the hell was going on. He kept all of it from me and kept me guessing.
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Hi I can’t believe how many people going through same things 4 years ago I met my partner didn’t realise how bad the addiction was at first knew he liked going out partying drinking. Fast forward and the last year has been hell we have a daughter nearly 2 he’s been to counselling that seemed to help but last few weeks again disappearing for weekends, no remorse no explanation where he’s been looks ill no interest in his daughter I’m stopping all contact by the way as he doesn’t live with me. But today again found out he’s been sniffing and drinking all day the lies he tells are horrendous when will this end and what do I do to stop this miserable life
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It’s heartbreaking
It’s also them self medicating emotional pain
Only it makes it worse like putting foundation on really horrible skin
(When it wears off the skin looks worse)
The opposite of addiction is connection
I don’t know the answer
Feel so sorry for him and even sorrier for myself
I have to believe things will get better ????????????
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Hello, I’m really happy I came across this site. I thought for 7 years I was the only one with the same feelings towards this drug. My now ex boyfriend has an addiction to this. Does it everyday. Maybe will have one day when he’s off it. Loves the combination of Xanax, cocaine and alcohol. My personal experience, we have had a lot of cheating and night outs and binges all from his part. Disappears at night comes home at 4-5 A.M. I had the courage to finally break free and kicked him out after taking all that for 7 years. We broke up for like 6 months where in those six months he promised he changed and hadn’t done it and saved money. I decided to give him a chance and let me see what he was all about.
He was back for about a total of 2 weeks, in which he had NO money, did coke 10 days out of those 14 days (in which he didn’t do that for 4 days due to him getting the flu and felt bad). I started to be bitchy again because I saw it was all a lie. After having a two day binge on the cocaine,Xanax and alcohol, he decided to look me in the eyes and tell me “ I think we can both agree we tried and it doesn’t even work out. You don’t even want to have sex with me. I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore, I have fallen in love with someone else.”
Pain from thinking he would change was all I felt but relieved because I didn’t have to make the decision for him.
My experience, they never change and will only drag you until they find the next victim.
Keep away. Break free.
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Thanks, JamesB, your words help immensely. I’ve been struggling with it all over again after almost 40 years. He confessed to cocaine, cleaned up, things got better, we moved on. We hadn’t even talked about it – for decades. He became a loving husband and father, and then recently I found out that he had cheated on me numerous times during those difficult years – and, it all just slammed back into me. All those so hard days and nights, he was awful and I couldn’t figure it out. I have never even seen him use it – ever. He deserves forgiveness, and I believe that he feels ashamed of what happened all those years ago. And, if he could change it – he would. However, I don’t believe that you can heal from some things. If your child or parent passes away, you’re not gonna heal. That will always hurt. It can’t be changed – as your loved one is not coming back. He can’t change what he did. The best hope is acceptance, be realistic. Then make your decisions. Most are not going to win this battle.
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Hey guys! I’m new here… little background: I knew he was using a couple times a week mostly with friends… I said I don’t wanna know it don’t see it and if it doesn’t affect our relationship I’m ok with it as it’s not my body and I haven’t seen any mood swings or signs… then he moved 15 hrs away with me from his friends who has been doing it with and I don’t drink smoke and have any friends around here who would gave him access… I know his friend is sending him a tiny bit every few weeks or so.. and I can tell when he using it he is a lot more sexual and upbeat. He basically stopped drinking barely smoke cigarettes and only smokes pot and when he has is I think he does it a tiny bit every other day or so.. I can hear it.. no crash no staying up late what would bother me, going to work, acting normal and actually super affectionate and very sweet like when I met him. He is actually sweeter when he is on it then when he is going through some withdrawals.. it happened once in every months that he is absolutely turned away from me, depressed, non talkative, non responsive to me no affection altough I can tell he is trying to at least act like friends or roommates… I can’t tell if it’s just depression, something upsets him and he isn’t ready to talk or it’s withdrawal… I have a feeling he is trying to kick the habit some as he is able stop smoking for days or week and only drink a couple drink if we go out to eat… I’m so confused and hurt when he all of the sudden out of the blue changes his behavior to cold and basically ignoring me…is anyone in My situation when he ignores plans and withdraw from you and being a total different person the a couple days later everything is back to normal when he snorts it again here and there..
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