[anon99]

Hi, my boyfriend has been addicted to coke now for I think nearly 10 months, he thinks I don’t know when he does it but I can tell straight away. I’ve asked him about it and it’s the same thing over and over again. He does it, is up all night, in bed all day, then feels shit, then blames me or anyone else for how he is. Then another day he’ll ask for my help and gets upset. Then it just repeats itself. He went doctors a few weeks ago and they gave him a prescription for anti depressants, which he never went and got. He promised he’d phone a Councellor and that still hasn’t happened. And now again this week I know his been doing it. Up all night and asleep in the day. He keeps letting me down when we’re meant to see each other and then gets angry if I ask about it. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

[bt1978]

Hey welcome and thanks for he post. A quick flick through igh here and you will see lots of people in the same boat as you, so first off you are not alone with this.

It seems like you already know that your partner is an addict. What you describe is standard typical addict behaviour, denial, blame, wanting help but not really doing anything about it. One thing I will say is that at least he is getting upset and making some sounds about getting help – many don’t even get that far so it reads like there is part of him that seems to know there is an issue deep down.

From Your perspective there isn’t a great deal you can do other than decide what approach you want to take with this.

[anon99]

So it’s a few weeks later, and it’s been up and down, his parents now know and have said they’ll support him aswell as me. But a few days after nothing has happened. He has been locked in his room at home for two days I’ve hardly heard from him. He text me late last night after I finished work saying his sorry and his ashamed. I woke up this morning and he hasn’t gone to work again. I’ve taken the day off and come to his house where he lives with parents. They are both working so unable to help. He has spoken to a doctor and she’s given him a addiction number.

He said he’ll ring them later but he has fallen asleep, he was up all night doing coke again. I’m lost of what to do.

[dot]

This was me back in March after 10 years of use.

Typical behaviour stuck in a cycle. If he wants to stop he needs to write a plan out.

Get active. To do this he needs to go a week without use. Plenty of fruit juice and multi vitamins.

The next 10 weeks of his life will be held his behaviour will be erratic. The depression gets worse and anxiety goes through the roof.

If he’s adamant about doing it you need to get him active and he needs to want to stop. If he has debts with dealers make him pay them but you pass the money over so he doesn’t pick anymore up.

It’s hard to do it really is but the cycle needs breaking.

If he can get to 14 days with no use it becomes so easy to do but in all honesty what your telling me he isn’t ready to stop yet so you need to make a decision. Only he can help himself no one can drag him out it’s all on him.

[icarus-trust]

Hi

Thanks for posting. I’m sorry that you are struggling with your boyfriend’s cocaine habit. It is very tough for you. As Dot says he will need to help himself when he is ready to. There is help for you now though, if you would like it.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We help support people like yourself who are affected by the addiction of a partner or family member. We have trained and experienced people you could talk with if you would like to get in touch. Maybe that would help you feel less lost and ab;le to see a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps.

[Author]

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