[popsxx]

Long story short I’ve know my boyfriend took cocaine before I got with him. I put it down to a social thing and didn’t have a problem as everyone does it now. Anyway as time passed it started to become clear he was doing it more than I thought. We had a talk and he agreed he was taking it too much and agreed to cut down. Now I’m 4 month pregnant and he’s changed into a completely different person going out all of the time, turning his phone off, ignorning me and getting himself into so much debt. He’s admitted he’s got a problem and made an appointment for the doctors but he’s not doing anything about it it’s just getting worse. I’ve tried everything to get him to open up and cut down but nothing working. I’m so stressed with everything and not enjoying my pregnancy at all because of it. Is there anyone in a similar situation I can talk to or even going through what my boyfriend is so I can get a better understanding.

[danman83]

Hey there.. hope your ok.. im in the same situation as your bf.. long story short… lol

Ive been having coke for 8 to 9 years. Ive got 3 kids and 1 step daughter. And im still with my gf.

I was 1st having it going out.. then started on my own in the house a bit because it stayed with me when i stopped going out.

Im doing my very best to quit as i hate the stuff now. Im having it about once a month. May be longer. I decided enough was enough when it started to make me suicidal and depressed. The come downs off coke are the worst feelings ive ever had. All for the sake of a good hours buzz.

There is a lot your bf can do to stop or cut down.. but he really has to want to quit. He needs to quit alcohol as this is a main trigger to get coke. Stay away from coke friends, family. And change his life totally around. how much is he having and spending?

[danman83]

Try watching louise clarke on you tube crack cocaine part 1, 2 3. She is an expert in this and will give you a real great insight to what it does. And how to quit.. there are a lot of sacrifices you have to make, and it is hard as i struggle from time to time. Its the biggest addiction going now in the uk. Your bf is a an addict and he has to admit it. And get help.

I had 8 councilling sessions and i quit for 3 month. Then lapsed. You think you are ok after a couple of month.. but believe me you are not! Cocaine is a sneaky sly drug. That plays mind games on you.. you start arguments, argue with your self in your head just so its an excuse to go get it.

If his behaviour is like this its his brain wanting it.. its like a devil and angel on your shoulder.

I guess you have already said.. do this for the baby.. the money can go on the baby than coke.. but no matter how much he knows this.. coke will win.

My kids get everything they need. But i feel so guilty when i have put that stuff up my nose, instead of spending it on them.

To help me stop. I listen to cocaine recovery stories on podcast and you tube, these help a lot. And ive took up.reading.. i go to the gym.

[danman83]

Theres a thing called triggers.. if you have not heard of it.. he needs to avoid these… say he picks up coke on asda car park.. avoid going past there as it makes him want to get coke.. id sit him down and lay some rules now.and say its making you ill and could effect the baby. If u need out im always here. Good luck

[popsxx]

Thank you for responding, it sounds like your doing well and are on the right path thats all that matters its baby steps.

He’s spending a lot, as in like hundreds on it and he will also sit on his own and have it once has has it he won’t stop until it’s all gone It doesnt matter if its through the week or weekends. In the past I’ve taken it off him and flushed it away and he’s begged me for ‘1 more go’ before i get rid, it’s horrible to see someone beg for something like that. I don’t know how much he’s having now and how often because he’s no longer living with me. I thought not having him living with me would open his eyes but he’s taken advantage of the situation. I’m scared of bringing this baby up on my own and it’s killing me knowing that’s more than likely going to happen but I can’t have my baby around him when he’s doing it. When he’s on a come down he’s very aggressive and abusive and he’s putting me through hell. He’s constantly lying, trying to manipulate me, avoiding me and turning things round on me. He doesn’t need a drink to have it he would rather be on his own with his sniff and weed but he also priorities his friends who take it as well. I just feel pushed out and left feeling unwanted. I just want him to open his eyes and see how good things can be but he’s constantly making things worse. I’ve tried all sorts of different approaches with him and nothing seems to work. It seems he realises and feels guilty at the time of me talking to him and gives me all empty promises and false hope that things will be good afain then goes straight back to doing it.

[danman83]

Believe me him living on his own he will just get worse and be having it a lot more.

I can imagine what ever you decide its going to be really hard for you, you either stay with him and hope he does stop.. which he really needs to make a lot of sacrifices. Or like you said be on your own and scared. Its not fair on you with being pregnant and the emotions you go through.

All i can suggest if you want to make it work say its either the coke or you and the baby, or at least he puts in the effort that he wants to stop. Or you do it alone. Which believe me it will be hard at 1st. But in the long run. You will be a lot happier. Have you got family to help you?

[popsxx]

It’s made things a lot worse him not living with me and it’s like hes stuck in a vicious cycle now because when he is with me I know He’s thinking about that and every opportunity he gets to go out and have it he takes with both hands and happily leaves me. I’ve not seen him now for over a week, i was meant to see him last night to talk but when it come to coming round he was late. I rang him and his phone was off and I’ve still not heard from him. I don’t know what to do for the best, I love him and he’s the best person ever off it but it’s not just ruining his life it’s ruining mine too. Yes my family know the situation and they all support me and will support me with whatever decision I make. His family also support me. I’m just lost in what to do for the best

[danman83]

Its sounds like you are not even together.

The thing is when the baby is born and if he still is like this, theres going to be a point when you need him and it will be a lot because ive got 3 kids and its hard work, especially with a baby. Its going to be really hard and upsetting for you if his phone is off or he has done a dissapearing act, and continues to. Imagine if you want him there for the birth and his phone is off.

Plz dont think im being negative or trying to upset you or out. But with you being pregnant just be careful and think of yourself and the baby before anyone else.

[popsxx]

It feels like we’re not together any more. That’s how much this has taken over. No I don’t see you being negative at all, if anything talking to you is helpful. This is our first baby and I don’t think he realises how hard it is being pregnant with your first child also how hard it is to bring a child up. I think he’s in a world of his own I would love to be in his head for the day to know what he’s thinking and feeling. It’s confusing always telling me one thing and doing another

[huddle]

Hi I’ve been reading your posts and the wise words of support you have received from Danman83, You must think of yourself and your beautiful baby. Only your bf can make the choice to seek the help he so desperate needs. It’s heartbreaking because he is well aware he’ll soon be a Dad but that’s still not enough for him. That’s the power of addiction. My own 39 yr old son visited out of the blue today wanting food cigs and money. I gave him a meal but refused the other. He is still begging on the streets for drug money even though he gets more in benefits than I do and I work full time. He admits to crack and weed. Every addict is someone’s baby. Look after you and your baby. Sounds like you have a good support network. Try not to worry and stress but I know it’s easier said than done. Please take care.

[danman83]

I remember when my ex was pregnant with my 1st born. I was only 19. Coke wasnt in my life then. But i was there all the all the time and i loved every minute of it. I dont get how some people can just not seem intrested.

He might be a lot worse on it than you think?? What do you want to do now though?

[popsxx]

That’s how I thought he would be. He was so excited when I first told him and now he’s a completely different person! Neither do I, i thought things would change and he would grow up but he’s clearly doing the opposite.

It’s possible but what approach do I take? It’s all new to me and I’m constantly treading on egg shells around him. I don’t know what to do for the best

[danman83]

My advice is.. and its your life so do what you feel is best for you, so dont be saying.. im not taking any advice off him lol

So you could either.. if you still want to be with him, move him back in on the condition he cleans his act up, stays away from bad people and help you and the baby. Your going to need rest when the baby is born and help with night feeds and so on. It really is draining.

He cant go awol and have his phone off. And he gets help for the coke.

Im only saying this because if you want to be with him and not living together, it will be a lot harder for you and he will just be on that stuff most of the time.

Or just go it alone, if hes not prepared to get his act together. Which will be hard for you. But it will just make you ill. Most women on here will tell you get out now while you can who have partners on coke. And they are right. But time is a great healer.

But i hope you sort it what ever happens.

[popsxx]

Sorry for the late reply I’ve been trying to work through stuff. I decided to leave him and carry on by myself as I couldn’t see things changing and his attitude towards me was disgusting. Something I don’t need whilst going through the stress and being pregnant.

Anyways within the past week we have been chatting and met up a few times and he’s told me he’s not touched anything for 3 weeks which I didn’t really believe but went along with it. I come to his house last night to find a couple of empty packets lying around. When I asked him about them he come up with a quick excuse and brushed it off. I didn’t push as I knew he was lying but was hoping he would come clean eventually. I’ve been talking to him all today and he’s been very snappy and short which I only know too well, he’s craving it. Tonight I’ve been on his phone (which I know is wrong of me) but it all confirms it, the last time he took it (which I know of) was Saturday and I’m assuming that’s what the empty packets were. I’m just back to square one again just as I begin to try I just get knocked down again. I’m just confused because I don’t know why he’s clinging on to me. I’ve told him I can’t put myself and the baby through this if it carrys on and he’s lying to keep me in his life I just don’t understand why because it all comes out in the end the more time I spend with him he can’t hide it. He even had me apologize to him on Saturday because I was paranoid about him talking it and he reassured me he wasn’t and he understands that I’m hurt because he’s made me this way. I just don’t know if he sees it as a game. I’m just struggling to understand

[georgia26]

I’m sorry you’re going through this honestly, I cant imagine being pregnant and dealing with that. He is manipulating you – he will want you by the way, but he will want that too, and he will say anything that you want to hear, and he will manipulate and lie – regardless of you putting it all on the line he will do it again. The rude snappiness you’re definitely right is the come down/ cravings – its an emotional relapse.

I know its so hard to understand, i used to question myself and blame myself, it drove me mad.

I dont think he will see it as a game, its an addiction after all – its a disease and it physically takes hold of you, the sad/frustrating this is, a lot of people don’t get clean and they ruin everything and choose the coke (kids/marriages/businesses) coke has actually been chosen over it all?? its so hard to accept.

if you take him back, he will do it again – hes getting no help, hes not willing to actually take action and change, believe me, you will be in this exact position next month, the month after.. all will be going well, youll get your hopes up and bam itll all come crashing down.

for your own sanity and stress – i would take a step back, which i know is hard (as youre pregnant) but honestly do it for yourself, as it will make you ill.

he will say anything to make you think hes giving it all up but just remember it isnt that easy – you cant just give it up when youre an addict! he will say hes getting help etc he will beg and make promises – ive been there, and you wanna believe them because you love them.

unless he really truly gets help and hits rock bottom – he wont change, he needs to WANT to change and go rehab/meetings and make HUGE changes

i know its not the advice you probably want to hear.. but i was you just not pregnant – it went on for years, dont do it to yourself or your child as you will be the one left picking up the pieces

xxxxxxx

[georgia26]

~Hi Pops

click on my username and see all my responses on this as i cant type it all out again as im in a meeting – ive given lots of advice on this, i was in your shoes (not pregnant though) if you click on my name itll bring up all my posts to people and stuff..

I am sorry you’re pregnant and going through this – the only thing i will say, unless he wants to stop he wont, not even you being pregnant will stop him – people choose coke over their kids, addictions are hard to understand when you’re not an addict yourself.

i would say run a mile but obviously its a bit complicated now youre pregnant 🙁 you can message me whenever though to chat.. he seems like hes really in deep. He will have to hit rock bottom to stop, like big time, lose everything to get the realisation wake up call as atm the addiciton will be in control so no matter what is on the line, the coke will come first – its hard to accept but its the truth xxx

[hox]

I too thought my ‘husbands’ cocaine use was recreational. As you say everyone does it now. (except for a few of us)

Before this it was once, twice a year max. It only, in my opinion takes a stressful situation like my ‘husbands’ trial for him to take it to the extreme. Drinking to excess, sniffing and making himself really ill. It made him feel depressed which he certainly had never been before, he was such a happy contented bloke. Always smiling.

No more though, his choosing to use coke and this causing paranoia have ruined our happy lives. I’m now left to cope.

Your boyfriend has to want to stop himself, only he can do this. You really need to take care of yourself through your pregnancy without the stress because it will make you ill.

Hopefully he will come to his senses and all can be made well. Until he does look after yourself.

[seanpaxson]

Try out Ibogaine, its natural and will be of great help to cut his addiction.

In the modern world, ibogaine is becoming popular as an effective treatment of addiction and withdrawal symptoms. It has been used to help people addicted to substances such as opioids, cocaine, amphetamines and alcohol.

Amazing story about micro dosing Ibogaine. Wave bye bye to your habit, no muss, no fuss…

wickr; changshung for more details….

[danman83]

Ive downloader that wickr but were do i go from there??

[z123]

I’ve had to leave my partner because of it and give up on him as it wasnt nice for me or my kids. I only found out about his cocaine use 10 months ago as he knows I don’t agree with drugs esp because we have kids. I tried to help him and offered him money from our home to go into private rehab but he wouldn’t take it and said that money was the kids future but now I’ve stopped contact with kids he’s taking half the equity from house now anyway. He took car off us also. I’m going through lawyers and said he can have contact if he does a six month hair follicle drug test and his kids want that too but he said he’s taking me to court which means he is not willing to do the test so that tells me he is still using. He said he’s not touched it in 7 weeks but he had been taking it for 8 years so I know he will go back to it as he has never wanted any professional intervention. I’ve had all the abuse and anger from him alo when he’s on come downs, he’s told me he’s tried to kill himself, he’s admitted to driving my kids about in some states, he’s told me he resents me and had thoughts about harming me. I wanted nothing more than him to get better and get back to his old self and was willing to go through it with him but the lies and deception just grew and grew and I had to think of my own sanity and more importantly how I was raising my children and what was right for them. The person I once knew has completely gone

[popsxx]

I’ve decided to do the same and leave him for good this time. Tonight was the final straw, I don’t know why but every time he does it im always surprised, upset and hurt. He told me he didn’t want to see me tonight due to being tired which I got my back up straight away then to find out at 4pm that he was sat by himself doing it. The best of it is He’s recently started accusing me of cheating on him which is definatly linked with the drug taking ect. He has an appointment this week with his doctor but has told me he doesn’t want to go and that he can do it by himself. That to me says it all, that he’s happy doing what he’s doing and won’t change for anyone. He’s also told me previously that he will kill himself whilst on drugs and even sat on the bed with me with a knife threatening to slit his own wrists obviously didn’t do it but I don’t know what his gain was from it. I need some of your strength as the only reason I’ve gone back in the past is because I’m soft and always see the best in people. I’m starting to question is this the real him and he’s hid it so well for so long and now I’m pregnant and have some sort of long term connection with him it’s okay being himself because I can’t do anything about it.

[rani123]

Popsxx

Please hear me out and don’t be sooo hurt what I’m going to say about your husband ….he is an addict and he ain’t going to change not even for the sake of the baby … Iv been through the same with my ex husband , I don’t want to give you fake hope that yeah yeah do this that the other and your husband will change because he won’t . Clearly he is not doing nothing about it …it’s just going to get worse for you and your baby , I’m only concerned about your health and your baby’s welfare.

My ex husband used to accuse me of cheating all the time and he was always paranoid when he was sniffing cocaine , I tried everything in my power to understand him and help him but nothing worked .

I even got him a very high pay job with my family members long hours and hard work so he would be away from his addict friends and keep himself busy and tire him out after a long hard shift but that didn’t work either because he argued he needed a treat for working soo hard and he would just turn to alcohol and drugs then wake up next morning fighting with me arguing moaning about petty things .. I no longer was that patient wife who was going to stay quiet and tolerate any more of his abuse so I would argue back and kick him out . Get rid of him and watch how happy you will be .

[popsxx]

It’s got to the point now where nothing surprises me. I’ve known deep down for a while that he won’t change and it will only get worse (which it has) but I’ve been lying to myself hoping things will get better for me and the baby.

The work situation with your husband, my boyfriend used that excuse too when he was working long hours. He will always find a reason or excuse to do what he does. Every Friday he would come in with a few beers and couple of bags and over explain why he’s doing it.

Now he’s not living with me he’s doing it even more and he will deny it the next day saying I’m being paranoid and that he’s not touched anything, getting into my head and making me second guess myself all the time. That’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past as well thinking it must be me imagining it or maybe I have over reacted and what if what he’s saying is the truth when in fact the majority of the time I was right and It all comes out in the end.

[kindredcoyote]

Please just put yourself first, you’ve not been soft, you’ve been in a manipulative situation and have been trying to make the best of it.

You said you have a lot of support from family so even if it’s hard you will have what you need from them. Don’t try to figure him out – which part of him is the real him etc. You know the facts already and that is that cocaine comes first and until he gets real help and wants to stop it always will. Focus on you and the baby and not what he needs or might need or what you want him to do. He will only do what he wants to do. The only thing you can control is what you do. I wish you all the best. Use the support offered through the Icarus Trust.

[z123]

Pops, the man I once knew has now gone. He can’t see it and his family can’t see it. He tells everyone he’s fallen out of love with me, maybe he has but I know that’s due to him doing cocaine as he was cheating on me also and living with a lot of guilt. He tells me different, he’s sat drying to em about his guilt and how he does feel he’s fell out of love with me but still loves me. Now I know theres a diff and he’s said we done nothing together and he got bored so he buried his head in the sand and took coke. He’s also told me he just followed the sheep and became addicted. Our relationship was fine until he took coke, we had our ups and downs like anyone else but we worked through stuff. But I’m like you, I wonder if I ever knew him and my life was all just full of lies as he always liked to drink in the pubs. I’ve been blamed for lots of things and yes it’s hurtful but the way he’s acted with me is not normal, if he’s fell out of love with me then just walk away and be decent knowing he’s hurt me and done wrong by cheating and doing coke, but no he’s still so evil and nasty to me and that’s because he’s still using or has been really damaged by his long term use as he said he’s not used in two months.

I know I done nothing wrong to him in life, if anything I was wrong to allow him so much freedom as he got his luxuries while I was at home with the kids, little did I know he was using coke and cheating, I just thought he was out with his mates drinking which I didn’t mind because he worked hard. But those long hours at work may have been a woman?

I am broken hearted, some days are harder than others as we were together 17 years when he disclosed to me about his drug use. I’m not a silly person and I know I need to put my kids needs first before my feelings for him, at first I didn’t do that because I tried to help him but he continued to use and cheat. I’m still getting a bad time from him as going through courts about kids and house, can’t wait until everything is over so I can finally move on and start meeting other people again, not that I need a relationship because my kids come first, I just mean to be me again and not tied to the kitchen sink and house work all the time.

You don’t want that around your child, he has to stop for himself because he wants too, your child won’t make him stop. You won’t make him stop. He has to want it and even if he does, it’s hard. I hope he does and if he does then I do suggest couples therapy also afterwards. A baby coming along is a big stressor as it is, don’t allow anymore than you need to, you need to protect yourself and your baby xx

[abcdefg]

Wow, your situation is so similar to mine.

It’s hard to let you of some one you once loved but I think they will never come back, no matter how hard we try to get them back

[rani123]

Danman83

[rani123]

I’m going through the same

[danman83]

What you mean rani?

[rani123]

Sorry danman I was going to type something but god knows what I got side tracked . I love reading your comments because they really have helped me a lot as I have gathered from your posts that you are a cocaine users and have had help and are still doing your best to come off it and come clean .

I think you know exactly what the user addict is going through and what on the other hand you can understand what their loved ones are experiencing.

I’m not a user nor do I drink , but my ex husband had pawned in his wedding ring for money and

Our wedding anniversary present Which i gifted him (Tag watch ) Can you tell me please do you think I meant nothing to him and our marriage meant nothing for him that he got soo desperate for drugs that he actually dropped soo low and did that .

By the way I was married to him at the time when he pawned it in and I did not come to know about it until one day I noticed it was missing on him and when I questioned him he got very frustrated and defensive accusing me of behaving like a mother to him always pestering him to wear it etc and questioning him .. then he had many excuses where he must have misplaced it.. even to the extent that he swore on every single member of his family’s life to convince me he wasn’t lying then a few weeks down the line I find the documents of the pawned items.

It totally broke me .. he could actually do that and lie to me not that it was a first …

Anyway what I want to know does an addict have no sentimental values for items like that before their drug habit. ???????????????

He cried and cried to me later and told me how much he regretted it and apologised but it means shit to me .

He accused me of putting him down all the time for not helping financially and put the blame on me that he did it for us to raise money on a day when we were low ..

I don’t think so because I worked full time and always had my own money when he was the loser with no job just scrounging off other people to get by ….

sorry I’m getting a bit carried away now ..,

[danman83]

I guess rani.. it depends on the person and how bad you are an addict. Im lapsing roughly once a month. I only use on the friday once a month. But after 1 bag i tend to get 2 more maybe 1. . Even tho im having it once a month im an addict.

Anyways.. i wouldnt dream of doing what your hubby does..selling sentimental things. But then again.. how much is he using? If its everyday and hes running out of money.. he is going to sell things. It doesnt matter who you are, what your morals are.. coke will make you do stupid shit. And its all regrets the next day . When i have done stupid things on it.. its not me and i wouldnt dream of doing it soba. I just wish i never took the stuff.

But im back reading some new books now keeping me occupied.

[rani123]

I wouldn’t trust him at all .. Iv left my ex husband and Iv been told he is still using and abusing drugs but that’s something he would never admit to me if I had questioned him on because he used to make excuses to go stay at his parents house few days to getaway from me just to do it and I would find out by the tone of his voice over the phone but he would deny it and say I’m paranoid and I’m this that the other .

He would make me feel guilty that I’m selfish and I’m not understanding that he has I’ll parents he needs to take care of so he had no choice but to stop there for a few nights. But that was not the case at all I could track him on find my iPhone which he didn’t know of at the time and that would tell me a different story .

He would be parked up in his car a few streets away from his parents house with his friends who also have an addiction to drugs and drink and they would be at it till early hours of the morning .

Sniffing cocaine drinking alcohol .

So plz don’t let him make you feel guilty or manipulate you in anyway .

My ex in laws lived an hour drive from us so my ex husband would use that as a get away from me. I work full time so he knew I couldn’t stay nights with him at his parents house .

He took everything from me to feed his drug habit . I did everything in my power to give him a comfortable life . I would do anything to please him and made him my number 1 priority. I spoilt him rotten with expensive designer gifts because he had lost his job and couldn’t continue his lavish lifestyle.

I guess I felt sorry for him so I would buy him what he needed.

NEVER AGAIN.

[rani123]

Drug addicts will always put their drug before everything.

Weather it was a funeral or a wedding or any occasion it was just another excuse for my ex husband to have a sniff and a drink .

He would use every excuse in the world to sniff .

I loved it when he was on his backside like a loser pennyless depressed and rattling . That gave me some peace knowing now he will put a stop to it and think hard about it .

. yesss it worked but for only a few days until he managed to get hold of some money or drugs .

If we went away somewhere far out of the city to a different city he would even find a dealers number and get hold of cocaine and weed .

There is no life with an cocaine Addict …maybe if it was just weed and no alcohol and cocaine I would have stayed with him and some What managed to get him off it … but where there is Cocaine involved nooo chance … God help him.

It’s a killer …torture for all the loved ones of the addict .

My ex was very abusive and violent towards me with the come down of it . He was evil . I could av killed him myself .

[rani123]

Put your kids 1st please forget him he is not worth it .

You will make yourself ill … don’t let him drag you down with him .

He ain’t going to change unless he wants too.

Your kids need their mum ,

I’m going through similar stuff like you and have been through with all the lies manipulation the verbal abuse

[rani123]

Do you think he is sleeping around with other women.

[danman83]

I dont know the answer to that.. i dont know the guy. Im not gonna lie it could make u cheat.. but so does alcohol.

Are u still with him? Does he stay out at night and come back the next day?

[rani123]

Yes we are having a lot of problems and arguments over finance …and due to the stress of losing the house I stopped giving him money and I kicked him out and then he went out with his lads for a night out and ended up staying there till early hours of the morning . His phone was off due to his battery … he did call me twice from a private number just to let me know he was alright and after that I didn’t hear nothing till later on in the afternoon.

But I stopped answering his calls for 3 days then I told him I Was back with my ex that just sent him straight back on cocaine. I just said it to get him back for going out on a bender I guess.

Oh and I told him I was still in love with my ex and I guess maybe that’s why he went out with his lads.

He is an attention seeker who always wants compliments and it’s his way or no way. I stopped all contact with him for 3 days. He couldn’t contact me either . Then finally we got talking and he was really happy I called him and he told me he was missing me and wanted to see me. He got ready to come spend the weekend with me but I wasn’t ready for him and at the last minute I called it off which he said it really hurt him and he felt rejected and wanted to get away from me.

So he stayed out all night again and this time just didn’t answer my calls at all. I kept ringing him because I was paranoid he was with a woman at a house ..because I tracked his location.

He rang me for 30 secs and told me he was with lads . I could hear his friends in the background but he lied told me he was on his way home but his location was showing me he was still at that same house and after that he didn’t answer any of my calls.

His location was back at his home address later that morning.

This baffled my head …

For few days I kept an eye out for his location whenever I could to see if he would go back there. But I didn’t see him there.

After I spoke to him on the phone he was really nasty to me told me he had moved on and didn’t want to be with me no more . Nasty words were exchanged and hung up .

Maybe the fact he crnt contact me because I blocked him to get some space from him I discovered he had a few secret social media accounts.

That baffled with my head .. maybe he was finding women to meet on there I didn’t understand why he would keep them a secret from me. so I confronted him and he denied everything he just kept banging on about how I hurt him by mentioning my ex … he was demanding answers from me but I wouldn’t answer him so he told me he wasn’t going to answer any of my questions. I know when he is lying ,

I was worried sick about the house he was at the other night so I mentioned it to him and again he denied it , that got me more angry towards him but I handled it well.

You see the thing is he knows I can see his location he ain’t dumb , if he wanted he got turn it off but he left it on .

(Bear in mind he can’t contact me as I had changed my number and he was convinced I was seeing someone else )

I thought if I come clean to him about my lies then so will he ..but he just kept denying having anything to do with the house I located him and denied cheating on me, so I told him I seen his location that’s how I knew.

Anyway few hours later we had no contact and again he has popped up on location outside that same house. I rang him straight away. He knew it was me so he turned his phone off.

After a few hours of him driving around everywhere with his location on him knowing I could track him he allowed it …

Then he was seen outside his own house where we both spoke for a few mins and he I confronted him again and he totally denied going out anywhere claiming he was home all this time , obviously I didn’t believe him then half an hour later he seen outside that house.

I rang him out of desperation to know who he is with …but he cut the call off and a few minutes later picked up my call when he was away from the address so I was left baffled.

He was really sweet loving towards me and we spoke for a while then I cut off ….

When I don’t ring him he seems to land outside that same house and as soon as I call him he won’t answer the 1st few rings until he is away from that address.

He is baffling with my head..

Who is it in that house he keeps going back to . Is he cheating on me . Has he really moved on .

And then I don’t call him for a few hours and he seems all happy to hear from me .. ramen he crnt call me .

Can someone please shed some light what’s the f is going on here.

[rani123]

His ex girlfriends have told me in the past he has played these kind of games with them too but there were times where he was actually seeing other women behind their back too ..

Which he would always Deny and go through any extent proving his innocence, even though he would be lying to them

I don’t what the hell is going on . Cocaine and alcohol have ruined everything between us .

He makes me feel bad later saying he was teaching me a lesson for hurting him and how much it got to him the thought of me being with my ex. But he still denies everything about being at that address claiming he has never Heard of that street In his life.

I don’t believe him . My heart starts poundering when I see his location him outside there.

Either he has got a new women in his life who lives there or he is mind playing games with me.

Or it could be he has a friend who lives there. But then who is going on these long drives with .. it’s really killing me inside ,

It all started on the Friday night when he was to come see me and I let him down .. before that I had never seen his location outside that house.

Now he seems to be going there a lot .

[rani123]

Because of the level of stress it caused me I got rid of his tracker completely so now I won’t know where he is. Which is good and bad.

[georgia26]

i dont think coke makes you so off of your face you cheat… it makes you a selfish arse thats for sure but if you really loved someone and was happy i dont think you could cheat, youre still aware of your actions..

Rani you need to get rid honestly, he will never change! he clearly dont want help at all – you cant make someone do something, especially when theyre an addict youre wasting your time.. x

[danman83]

Gods honest truth this relationship does not sound its working 1 bit. If you have trackers on each other or just him theres no trust. Which i can understand.

And if my gf told me shes loves her ex still and is back with him… id prob go on a bender as well lol and probably try and get you back. Im just being honest here. But you also dont deserve the shit you get from him. Me personally id leave and start a fresh if i was you. It sounds like it will never end .

[slc1993]

Hey, I could really do with some advice.

Long storey short my boyfriend has been addicted to cocaine for 3yr now and uses it everyday, his body has become dependant on the drug. I don’t use this drug at all as it doesn’t agree with me so it’s having a huge strain on our relationship, we don’t sleep in the same bed because he’s up all night, we are lucky if we have sex once or twice a month he has chosen to sneak off and watch porn nearly every night and I can’t help but frustrated by this all. I don’t have a go at him I just want to help him.

He got worse when he started selling the stuff because he would make his money back and sniff all the profits which means he has a constant flow of the stuff without having to pay it.

He’s admitted to having a problem and had his last hit at 12pm and had literally slept since then it’s now 3:20am I know it’s early but I can’t sleep at the norm as I’m currently tapering off codeine tablets and just dropped to 4 a day so my sleeping hasn’t been good for a few weeks.

I’m just worried about him and I don’t know how to help I know when he wakes up he’s going to want to get some and make excuses for it.

How does this drug actually effect the body and what damage can it do from using pretty much every day for the past 3yr? It’s starting to feel normal that he does it it’s that much of a problem please help x

[georgia26]

Hi Slc1993

His body wont physically be dependent on it? my mums other half was on it everyday for 12 years and hes in recovery at the moment – if your boyfriend stopped tomorrow, he would feel shit and would crave it but it wouldnt kill him, it isnt like heroin your body doesnt come dependent, he will be physically addicted though and his nose will probably be decaying from the coke.

I will be honest there is nothing you personally can do to help – he needs to want to help himself, if he doesnt then this will continue..

he needs to go to the doctors and seek proper help, they may offer rehab if they see hes serious enough – if hes half arsed about it and does want to stop but dont want to go and seek help then he wont stop.

there will be no positive outcome in this if he continues this, your life will be ruined by this, if thats your DOB 1993 youre 1 year younger than me so basically the same age, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you.

The life youre living at the moment is no life it will start affecting you mentally.

he will give you all the promises in the world but nothing will change if he isnt 100% wanting to stop and make a change.

it will take him to hit rock bottom before he does.

my honest advice to you would be if he doesnt want to stop (and he will say he wants to but i mean 100% show commitment in stopping) then i would walk away from him as this will be your whole life… it tears everything in its path apart, kids, marriages, families, jobs, relationships

he will wake up and the excuses will come, he will tell you hes body is dependant on it – dont be fooled by that as its not true if he stopped tomorrow and never did it again he would be ok, just mentally unwell probably.

Good luck to you.. x

[danman83]

Hope your alright? … i can not think of anything worse than selling coke and having it.. no wonder hes having it all the time. He needs to stop selling it and now if he wants to quit. Im lapsing roughly once a month on coke and i hate the stuff and i am doing my best to quit..

One of the main effect and this is why i want to quit is phycological. Coming down off coke it makes you feel suicidal.. the thoughts that go through my head sometimes are horrendous. Everything is a negative thought, and this is to do with dopamine in the brain.. have you heard of this? And what it does?

I know at least 5 people that was on cocaine when they commited suicide. If i went out this weekend it takes me about 5 days to recover from it.. but i guess everyone is different..

Physically.. well if hes having it everyday his nose can give way.. plus his sex drive with you… but he wants to watch porn.. which is what it does to a few people.

Ive never been to the stage were its everyday im using and i hope i never. But he needs stop now! My cousin and his cousin have both had strokes from it.. both 36 years old.

My advice now.. are you seriously happy?

If you want to stay with him.. bin all his shit right now. Or let him pay who he owes 1st then bin it and tell him your leaving if he doesnt and he gets help straight away.

Its going nowere your relationship.. it sounds like groundhog day everyday with him… i think you need leave and be happy. Its not doing you anygood.

I think he needs rehab with having it neally everyday for 3 year. But this is my advice.. do whats best for you..and no 1 else.. have you any children??

Feel free to ask me anything.

[slc1993]

Danman, so sorry I didn’t realise you had replied to my message! Thank you, you’ve given me some really good advice there, I will let you know how he gets on and ask you any questions I’m unsure about hun! As of yet he’s still using, not as much it’s every couple days instead of everyday but this is still a lot, I can see he really wants to stop but Its got a grip of him, all I can do is stand by him and help as much as I can xx

[danman83]

I tried hypnosis last week, ive not used yet. And tbh i feel alot mentally stronger. But i guess ill have wait a few weeks to see if it has worked

[margo]

Hi. You have been so helpful on here giving lots of advice to others I’m hoping you have some time to help me? I’m in a similar situation as the original message of this thread but the baby is born and my boyfriend hasn’t changed and I don’t think he will, not now at least.. what worries me is that he has been abusive and violent and I’m scared he would do something to harm me/my baby if I break up with him. Once when drunk and provably Hight too he threatened he would have killed me if I didn’t put him down as the dad on the birth certificate. He said he has nothing to lose and he would have stabbed me.. because he is a bit crazy I cannot stop wondering if he truly meant he’d do that.. and I do not know how to get rid of him in the best possible way. Thank you

[barbzx]

Hey Danman83, you really sound like you understand on the side of addict! My boyfriend, I’ve realised is definitely addicted heavily. He’s lying about the amour he does and owes out a lot of money for it. He goes off to his mums for a couple nights here and there and although he suit calls me I know when he’s on y and he does often disappear for a couples of hours at a time and will then contact me obsessively, accusing me of being unfaithful and telling me how much he loves me….he’s a few years younger than me so

I know he’s got some growing up to do. He also suffers with depression and is diagnosed with ADHD but I have both of those too. So we understand each other on that level and have a strong connection but when he’s on the hunt for coke or craving it nothing gets in his way. He also sells it so that he can make free profit to sniff…..I’d love hear more from you and your experiences and advice. I want to understand the mind of the addict so that I feel less angry and personally attacked. I know he doesn’t mean some of the things he has said to me and others but it is very hurtful when someone you love so much turns on you.

[slc1993]

Georgia26 Thank you very much for you straight to the point honest reply! That’s what I need and you’ve given me some great advice thank you.

I’m going to sit down with tomorrow and a proper talk about everything and se did he is genuinely serious about wanting to quit and if he can. I’m glad your mums other half is on the mend hun. Thank you again x

Yeah I’m 25 this has been going on for three years it’s mice to get this advice off someone who unfortunately been through similar circumstances at the same age! I’m glad

[slc1993]

I didn’t mean glad you have had to go through that hun sorry my phones not working properly seen a few mistakes in my reply haha x

[z123]

Danman83 – looking for advice!!

My ex said he’s not touched cocaine for 2 months as I’m asking him for drug test through lawyers for sake of kids.

He was bad on it, using every wknd and taking all diff prescription drugs during the week. His behaviours have been up and down as if he’s still using but I also know that if he’s trying to come off it he’ll also been up and down. He had been usingfor 8 years so do you think it’s possible for him to just stop? He’s not having any help to do it apart from doing it in his own. He is still up and down with personality and moods and smashed my window the other day saying to my mum he was going to get into the house and change the locks and throw my stuff in the street even although he’s renting a flat. He was annoyed that I put something on social media thanking a guy for an invite which was my friends brother offering me and my kids to go with them for a camping trip.

Any advice on what you think about his drug use would be useful – thanks in advance x

[danman83]

Well ive had it for 8 to 10 year on and off.. and 3 month i stopped for at ome point. 2 month this year at the start. So it is possible just to stop. With any drug.. addicts who use for 20 plus years.. just stop and quit so its not impossible.. but.. just make sure he is not having it.. some people get them drug test kits.. why dont u use them on him.

[z123]

I’ve asked for a hair follicle test through lawyers and he has to prove he’s 6 month off it danman, after that I will still bring him back for testing over and over until my kids are 16

[sophielouise]

Popsxxx….

My story is the same as yours but my boyfriend took it for the first time about 6 months of us being together he tried it with his friend and ever since every weekend he was doing it phones would go off he wouldnt come home until the next day, said he was sleeping it off at a “mates” I got pregnant he promised to changed but by that point he was doing it 2 3 times a week and becoming a person I never thought he would. Even whilst I was in hospital for a week after having him he went out sniffing the crap. Nearly three years later of stress heart ache and so much pain his finally admitted to him self that he needs help after becoming in over 7k dedt with the stuff. But to be honest as much as I’m trying to help him I’m not faithful it’s going to work. But I’m trying to get him to all meeting websites and everything I can it’s just up to him now I guess. I want a better life for me and my children just Hoping he changes this time

[georgia26]

Slc1993:

I was just naive at one point, my other half was on and off of it for a year, i was put through hell.. my mums OH is just an example of a long term user coming off of it straight away, it wont make him seriously ill like cold turkey or nothing!

its the hardest thing ever, it made me mentally unwell i think, obsessing over it, over thinking, crying, begging – it was hell, i was blaming myself as well, ugh even looking back on it is horrible..

I think you have to just walk away from someone who dont want to be helped, as there isnt anything you can do, if they want to use, they will, nothing you say/do will stop them and i mean nothing at all.

my BF is having addiction counselling at the mo – he was self medicating his anxiety, its a long story but i have had the same issues youre having, the difference being my partner hit rock bottom and finally got help and is doing all he can to avoid drugs.

considering your BF is on it daily and not sleeping with you etc – do you really want to be in that? i know you love him but sometimes love just isnt enough. He wont change if he doesnt want to – it isnt as easy as just quitting either.. its a disease after all and you need to think this will be your life and youre so young you dont have no real ties to him, its horrible but if he dont want to be helped i really would walk… you dont deserve that as itll ruin your life too xxx

[slc1993]

Georgia26 Sounds like you have definitely had your fair share of shit going on with this stuff! Which is why I’m taking your advice.

Iv been close to walking away a lot iv also recently found out that he was sleeping with his ex for a year and a half and I feel soooo stupid for sticking around I think the only reason I have is because 1. Obviously I love him 2. He lost his mam not long ago 3. I really want him to get better but honestly I don’t know if he is.

I’m giving him one last chance to try and prove he can get better he seems adamant at the moment he hasn’t been ha any for just over 3 days now so I suppose it’s just a wait and see situation.

Thank you so much for the advice thou because you have given me insight from both sides so I know what to do if this doesn’t get any better! And I’m glad your other half is doing all he can to get better hun! Honestly thank you so much for getting back in touch with me your messages have helped me massively! Xxx

[rainbows]

Just saw your post and wanted to say that I was where you are now. I found out when I was 6 months pregnant. He told me had a coke problem. Begged me for help. So I stayed. Only he lied for months about getting help and then he told me it was crack not coke that he had a problem with.

I developed pregnancy complications because of what he was putting me through. I did the entire pregnancy by myself too. He abused me the entire way way through. Even came to the hospital high when I was in labour. He arrived hours after I called him and left the minute I gave birth. He disappeared for a 3 days shortly after and told me he wanted to kill himself.

Long story short, 14 months later nothing had improved. In fact things got worse in terms of his abusive behaviour. He has left me with tens of thousands of pounds with of debt and a baby he has never contributed towards financially. On top of that he was never around to help or be a family as was always out getting high or in bed until the afternoon recovering.

I’ve lost count of how many times he has promised to get help. All lies. So many lies. About everything. He was stealing from me while I slept and his manipulation knows no bounds. He would say literally anything to get the money or to get away with not being found out. Even asking him to move out didnt help. The relationship is now over and he has lost everything. His baby, his home, his car and me. Managed to hold onto this job so far. Time will tell if this is enough to make him get help. He tells me he is taking me to court to get access to our baby, so I guess i will find out at some point if he is clean or not but even if he manages a couple of months I would be amazed if he stayed clean…

It is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through. I really hope you and your baby are doing ok. If he wants you both in his life my advice would be to let him prove it to you. I was drug testing him every 3 days. Of course he was failing. That is when everything fell apart because he couldn’t keep up the lies anymore. He has to want to get clean more than anything else and he will probably have to loose everything to get there.

[margo]

Hi Rainbows, I’m really sorry to read your story. I hope you are doing better now with your ex out if your life.

[slc1993]

Hi Rainbows, thank you for that message and so sorry to hear what you’ve been put through and still dealing with! You’ve done the rite thing thou for you Andy your baby you get to point where you can tell if it’s going to get any better or wether your just doing loops! It didn’t matter how many I spoke to my other half he would just tell me what I wanted to hear and carry on as of me and my feeling don’t matter!

I lost the baby hun he left me to go to hospital by myself while he spent the day and night with his ex! I didn’t know at the time, there’s just no need for any of it!

I hope your doing ok and managing to get back on your feet! Love is a funny old thing crazy what i makes you do xx

[georgia26]

Slc1993 – sorry to hear about you losing your baby, and as for your boyfriend being with his ex, you need to get rid, now you have no ties get rid of him, he wont change honestly. run a mile!

look after yourself and your own mental health xxxxxxxx

[rainbows]

I’m so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to do to you, leaving you to go to the hospital alone

[slc1993]

Thank you all for the advice and kind words it really does mean a lot! I’m sorry to hear about your son it’s so easy to get on the road to destruction by so hard to get off but it is possible for everyone to do if they really want to! I wish you and you son all the best! You’ve got to give a bit of tough love now and again, how long has been an addict? Is he wanting to get clean? X

[slc1993]

Danman I’ve heard about hypnosis I might give this a try see if it helps, got nothing to loose, thank you for your advice xx

[popsxx]

Thank you all for help and advice it’s been really helpful. Bit of a late reply as I’ve been trying to concentrate on everything. Bit of an update as to where I’m at. My boyfriend has calmed down a lot with taking cocaine he now only takes it once a week on a weekend and only gets a small bag. He’s a lot more open with me about how he feels and his urges to have it which I appreciate as he’s not lying about it. Some of the stuff is obviously hard to hear but I would rather hear it then be lied to. My biggest concern now is when baby arrives what will he do then? He’s told me he won’t do it in the same house as the baby or around the baby and he’s hoping to not do it at all by the time baby’s born but I have a worry that this is going to be another bad stressful situation I’m going to have to face. I’ve come to terms he’s an addict and that he craves it and I’ve sort of aloud him to do it once a week as there’s nothing I can do to stop him but the worry is always there when baby’s here he will just continue. It seems like when one thing gets resolved, another one crops up. We’re both in a better situation as a couple and like I said I can accept the once a week but it’s not going to be just the 2 of us for ever and it’s a big worry.

[daisy12]

Absolutely heart breaking reading all these stories and frightening so many of you/us are going through similar experiences. Massive cuddle to you all! Was in a 2yr relationship.

I lost a baby too, I’ve put that down to stress and worry, was very early weeks, constant worrying about mood swings and abuse. I was sent home whilst loosing had to go back for bloods to hosi and he ended up in the pub all day/night (obvs bender) so had to go back to hosi on my own for blood to check HGC levels until I could have a scan later that week. He only got intouch just before the scan. I felt so alone and let down as he wasn’t there to support. Made excuse he couldn’t deal with it. But obvs it was more an excuse to go score.

Lots of other Stuff verbal

Abuse, constant accusations, routing through things to try and find evidence of cheating, constantly questioning as if to trip me up . Nasty verbal names both vocal and texts. Then can be the kindest person when not on it!

I think it was a 3 wk cycle but progressively my gut is telling me it’s every weekend pretty much over the past 3months. There’s no excuse I see it to ramp usage up. He used to go on bender when he got stressed. But he has nothing to stress over. Life is what I perceive good for him?! But I know he struggles and he’s used for 20 years or more! But I think he hid it well and only when the arguments were a pattern every 3 weeks and then ramped you to weekly! He also heavily drinks 3/4 to a bottle of vodka a night…. I think this is substituting one for another hasn’t always drank like that but has the past 6 months. His behaviour and mood swings are erractic. When he’s simmering off it he can snap at the slightest thing! He says he has bad anxiety and worse the morning after drinking so why drink??

Empty promises, curb drinking for two days and then back to the same old. Paints me a dream happy ever after and then spoils with constant arguing, leaving ignoring abusing for days on end and then he’s sorry!

It’s over… well he’s finsihed it cause I called out he needs help. Said I’d be here all the way through and love the bones of him. He said he’s done. Which shocked me and I’m heart broken.

[joemily]

I’ve been in your situation minus the pregnancy. My boyfriend is an addict. He used to say he just took it socially etc and that he’d stop when we got together, long story short I found out he was an addict a few months into our relationship. Dealing with it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I think I’ve reached the end and I’m going to leave but it’s so hard. I really sympathise with what you’re going through and all I can say is you need to put yourself and your baby first, addicts are selfish and he needs to really want to give up and get help, nothing you say or do will make him make that decision I’m afraid. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point. Keep chatting on here, the support is great x

[margo]

Hi, I was in a similar situation like you, I met someone and soon when I got pregnant i realised he has a serious drug addiction and it’s also the cocaine. I was so naive to hope he’d change when he would promise again and again that he would and do nothing to actually stop using it like stop seeing his friends, go to see a doctor. So if I could turn back time I’d leave him before the baby is born. Please trust me I know you may not think so right now but once the baby is born you will really really not care much about this guy or think how you’ll bring the baby without a dad like I did. And if he is not changing and he can be abusive etc imagine what environment that’ll create for the newborn. Do it now so that by the time the baby is here you are a bit recovered from this relationship. It will be a lot more difficult to leave him with a newborn because the baby is going to change your world completely for the better. I wish I did that… now he’s still in our lives claiming He wants the baby and me and does nothing for both of us only making things worse.. and now I want to break up with him so much but I’m scared for my safety and what if he steals my baby… please do it now if you can – it’ll be the best thing for you and your baby. If he changes fine you can consider giving him a chance to be there but if he doesn’t you’ll save yourself a lot of health.. good luck and take care, congratulations on your pregnancy, it is the best thing ever, you will see.

[mumtobe]

My boyfriend is the same, we’ve only been together for 13 months, I had no idea he was so bad until I fell pregnant and stopped taking cocaine with him, that how we met through partying. I fell pregnant 4 months after meeting him, he never really wanted this baby or me in that matter because he wanted he’s ex back but he stayed with me & now I know what she put up with for 11 years! But he’s mum said he was never this bad like he is now. He lets me down all the time and doesn’t care to see me even if he’s sober! He spends loads on drugs, what should have been a happy time for us has been the worst for me,he’s horrible to me all the time. I’m due the baby in a week and told him for the last 2 weeks not to take nothing incase I go into labour and he’s still doing it. He’s not a everyday user, if we have arguments he can do about 3 weeks without talking to me even though I text first he still Blanks me even though most of the arguments are he’s fault ????

[popsxx]

Hi everyone hope you are well. I have had my baby and he’s 7 weeks old he’s perfect! The dad on the other hand hasn’t changed. He’s in and out of baby’s life when it suits him, messing around with plans swapping and changing days, times ect so I’ve told him I don’t want him to have anything to do with baby any more it’s hurting me seeing him in and out of his life like that and I’ve also told him I don’t want him near baby whilst taking coke (which is at least once a week). He’s gone worse since my original post doing things to try and spite me ane being horrible to me it’s like it’s a big game to him and he gets some sort of thrill from it he’s really not a nice person when he’s like this. I give him the benefit of the doubt when baby was born and for the first 2 weeks he was the perfect partner and dad but it didn’t last long. He went straight back into his old ways coming in drunk and off it on cocaine at 1 o’clock in the morning, turning his phone off, using excuses not to stay with me and the baby and now 7 weeks later he’s turned against me not only taking the drug but being awful to me. I know everyone has said I should of left him whilst pregnant ect but it’s easier said then done. He’s my first love and I still love him even though he’s put me through shit. I’m so hurt this isn’t the life I dreamt of. He’s now not seen the baby for over a week and we was meant to meet up today for a meal and to talk but once again he’s let us down and he’s in the pub. I feel like a mug all the time I’m always the one making the effort it’s like he doesn’t care about us but when I ask he says he does. I just don’t know what to do anymore

[billie10]

Hi there, I’ve just read your story and I’m in the exact same position literally. I’m 6 months pregnant now and my partner has done the exact same things you’ve named. He lost his dad in June so it all spiralled from then and that was also when I fell pregnant.

I’ve had to move back in with my parents and he is so up and down with what he wants .

Says he wants to still work on our relationship and be a family but then I don’t hear from him for days.

He’s living by himself atm and he says he hasn’t taken drugs in months, such a lie, I know exactly when he’s on it.

I was just wondering where you two are at right now? Because I don’t know what to do

[janisepeterson5]

My ex had the same issues. I tried to help and support him but there was no way I could stop him from taking drugs so we broke up soon after that. So I understand completely how you feel. Are you sure he is ready to change for everything you have had these years? In case you need a pause in your relationship, check out Wickedlist.

[sharpey50]

I’m sitting her reading these stories and looking at the man I love downing wine this Xmas ruined all the prep in creating a lovely dinner for him to be drunk by 3 and unable to eat he is a cocaine user and when he is high he changes I am accused of sleeping with all sorts when he is high I am quite lost in the fact I can go put for a couple of hours with my mum he is home with my boys and when I get back at 10pm he has called in and used I ask him why and his response I’m bored – is this normal

[mumtobe]

I’m in the same position, has your situation improved?

[lins81]

My partner of 5 years has become so detached to me I feel like a lodger walking on egg shells, we have 2 kids together 3 years old and 1 years old, I googled all his symptoms and came out cocaine, we had a lovely family day out Saturday (for a change) and for some reason he said I’m going for a shower so I gave him 5 mins then crept upstairs and caught red handed snorting coke, I’m in complete shock and crying yet he turned it all around on me, we are in our 40s and he owns his own business which has always done well yet the last 6 months he’s had no money, not wanting to do anything, sleeping all day but in his office all night, we used to be so close(sex every day) yet we have had it once in 6 months, I asked him if he’s having an affair as well as he clearly don’t want me plus last month he had cold sores on his lips yet we haven’t kissed for months and he became abusive and angry, he’s denying everything saying it’s just at weekends but I hear him sniffing and blowing his nose every night, I asked him out right how long has this been going on and he said about 2 years, I feel like such a mug how did I not realise ??? I love him so much but don’t know what to do next as I don’t think he wants to change his ways

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