[ab17]

I wondered if anyone can offer any advice. I don’t know where else to turn, this is my first time writing anything like this sorry for the long post. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 15 years. We are both 27. We have a 4 year old child together. About a year ago he told me he is addicted to cocaine and has been taking it since he was 18. He also came clean about his finances, he has around £5000 debt, none of which he is paying back. Since I found out I was pregnant we have been very on and off since he would disappear at weekends and wasn’t helping me financially. When he came clean about everything he said he was going to stop and about 6 months ago it looked like things had really changed so he moved in with me and I gave up some benefits for childcare and the CSA he paid me. Now fast forward 6 months, I’m at my wits end, I work full time and pay for everything, mortgage, bills even Christmas and birthdays. It’s all me and I’m so drained. He makes up excuses every payday which is just lies, saying he hasn’t been paid yet or he was so overdrawn he hasn’t got anything to give me. He broke down after lying about his wages for 2 months after I confronted him saying this is enough to say when he gets paid he has been keeps all his money for cocaine or he owes to others for cocaine. I’ve tried to be supportive since I found out, I found groups he could go to and tried to encourage him back to the gym as a hobby but I almost don’t care he is struggling with this addiction anymore when I have no saving left and a child to support. I’m so angry he is putting his habit above us I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m snapping at him which I know isn’t helping but I don’t know how else to handle the situation when I am so angry. He is taking cocaine every other day and spending his entire wages on it. He has told me if he doesn’t give me money his next payday he will willingly leave. He went to the doctors last week who said they would rather not prescribe anti depressants before he tried natural methods such as the gym and suggested some apps to use for the cocaine addiction, he then disappeared the next night to take cocaine at his friends. I seriously need some advice from others? Am I kidding myself this will ever change?

[kel1]

It sounds like you’re going through it a bit and I’m sorry to hear this. I hear this time and time again, and I am also going through a similar situation myself. Unfortunately he sounds as though he is on it pretty bad if he is using every other day. To be honest he has to want to stop, and engage in a recovery programme (CA meetings etc). It’s such an addictive drug I’m afraid he would need a lot of determination and motivation, but that drug is literally the devil as it’s pull is so strong.

I don’t think any of us deserve this sort of treatment, which means you deserve better. You must be so exhausted with it all.

He probably needs to hit rock bottom, and to be fair that may not even be losing his family – addicts are selfish and nothing comes before the cocaine.

Cut your losses and run for the hills

[Author]

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