[AaronRyan20]

I dated a man for about ten months. He was the man I loved and did so much for. Things felt real, it meant a lot to me and I had dreams with him.

At the early onset, I knew he had a drinking problem. in his own words – he said on a good weekend he would finish a bottle of whiskey and some bottle of wine. He said I made him a better man – before having me in life , his life was just about having fun over the weekend and then flying over in the mines to work during the week and then repeat. We started spending weekends together and he started to drink less. ( or at least in front of me). Then came the cocaine snort. We were out on a day trip with his friends and that’s when I first saw it. I was angry but was told its one a blue moon thing. Time flew and we became closer than ever. His drinking caused us to fight. After the fight he was never the same. became distant – would not tell me he loves me only respond back every time I would say it. Started spending weekends with his friends than me. Saturday would be day drinking , he’d come in the night not knowing what time it was. Sundays started becoming write off in bed. He is a very high functioning and is filthy rich (from his dad ) and he had a decent job himself at the mines. Kept saying he’s top of the food chain and some drinks over the weekend to unwind and a line of coke would not hurt anyone.

Fast forward – the friends of his who I always dreaded came over to stay at my place. He was day drinking again and had coke with his friends. That’s why I dreaded them. I started saying something at dinner that did not make sense to me . I said you are lying and he had never lied to me before. I checked his phone to realise he’s been spending time with his ex in the mining town. When confronted – kept saying ‘I’d never cheat on you’ . when I made him see the messages he didn’t know how to react and stangulated me. I was left at the hospital.

Next day he called off the relationship saying we are not bringing the best in each other. I tried going back to him but he even refused to see me. He seems to have moved on as I see him in the city with his new boyfriends. This has caused me lots of hurt to a point I have stopped stepping out of the house as I don’t want to see him. i get reminded of the nicest man I met in my life until he wasn’t. I am now seeking therapy and on anti depressants. I was always baffled how he just changed In one day and called the relationship off. I started speaking about it to friends who helped me understand that he was an addict of coke. The more I read the more the ref flags in the past started making sense. runny noses, trips to the toilets, being the fun drunk, bloating about his money when drunk – it was all coke. I just didn’t know 🙁

It all has now started to make sense. That it’s the cocaine which is doing all of this to him. How he easily moved on when he almost killed me. The man is said he always loved and wanted nothing else but to spend time together. I still have lot of hurt in me , lot of longing , lots of love that died. Its been 4 months and I am making progress. But seeing him in the city or hearing about him brings me so much pain.

This website has been really good . I hear stories and its so devastating. I am hoping to get some reassurance from this group – that while it hurts now. He has done me a favour to break up with me . That life would have been so miserable if i continued.

He is rich and high functioning, and even strangulating a guy didn’t make him hit the rock bottom. I feel that he would have this amazing life being on alcohol and cocaine with his boy friends. And here i am – broken to pieces and trying to get my life together. I am well travelled , have my life together and never in my life ever thought i’d be abused, cheated on and trying to get out of depression.

 

 

[thistim3]

Scary and disturbing are also words to describe your experience, because of the violence from your addict.  Awful what you are going through.  Hugs.  The drastic personality change is also what I experienced with my addict.  It is not uncommon in these stories.  It truly is a real life horror movie.  This is trauma that takes time to recover from.  Coming here is a good choice as we also have experienced this trauma.  Nar-Anon group meetings helped me so much.  I felt so isolated until then as I couldn’t talk about it with my family, friends, coworkers.  One of the women that I met there ‘Jane’ had a crack addicted boyfriend.  She had horrible experiences with him for over 20 years.  One day her addict boyfriend went to a rehab across town and finally cleaned up.  He met another women while at the rehab and quickly married her.  Jane never even got an engagement ring after all those years waiting for him to clean up and propose to her. She wanted to have children with him.  Jane is in her sixties now, never married, never had any children.  Her addict actually blamed her for his addiction even though she never used any street drugs! She still talks about it all like it just happened yesterday.  Hopefully you will continue to take care of yourself and find a healthy way through and past what has happened.

[bluestar]

AaronRyan20 – so sorry to hear what you went through, I went through similar thing myself and still grieving right now. He started becoming distant and gave up on our relationship about 6 months ago. I still can’t believe it, how he just seemed to change into a different person, I even question if I was the one with problem because it seems like I’m the only one who thought he’s changed. His family didn’t seem to think so. And now he’s with another person – looking so happy in pictures. I know he’s definitely using, yet seeing how he’s performing well at work and looking so happy with this new person – again make me question myself so much. Like you this forum has helped me so much in giving me reassurance that he’s doing me a favor by leaving me, but there are still some days when I can’t help but wonder how did all these just happened. Sorry I’m just ranting but I guess we can only try our best to take good care of ourselves. 🙁

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