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Just looking for reassurance

I dated this guy for 3 months. It felt too good to be true.

I noticed he went out every weekend and would sometimes be out till really early in the morning.

When I asked about what he got upto on nights out he’d evade the subject.

Never tell me much.

He never let be with him on a night out with him and his friends.

But when he was with me things felt amazing. He told he he’d never had a girlfriend before. He’s 30

We broke up once because I was upset and he anytime there was signs of me being upset with him he’d switch off and just say he couldn’t continue.

This time round I felt myself falling for him. But he told me a few weeks in he would drugs on nights out. He mentioned cocaine but wouldn’t tell be exactly what else. And said it was only every now and then.

I knew that was a lie.

After he told me he was letting his behaviour become more apparent. There was a whole day I didn’t hear from him on a Sunday.

He told me he’d get shakes during the week.

We went on a walk and I got upset and he called me bizzare for getting upset and said he needed to think about things and so did I.

I had only been in his apartment once. And that weekend I decided to end things

I went by and his flatmates tried to say he didn’t live there. I then got into the building and his flatmate said he wasn’t in. But when he opened the door all I heard was my ex slurring. I was scared

I text him, rang, refused to leave until he gave me answers.

It took him 45 minutes to finally open the door and he was charming. He tried to say he was asleep but I knew it was a lie.

He tried to say it was concerning that I came round. That his flatmates were worried about him and that he was worried that I would show up like that.

I was exclusive with this person. I held my own and maintained I had every right to show up if I wanted to speak to him.

I kept telling him how crazy it was what I saw and heard. And he changed the subject to what was going on between us and that he was confused

At that point I told him I was done.

After I told him I was done, he again became a different person. Things didn’t end great and I told him to block me and I blocked him.

Since then, I don’t know how to process my emotions. I’m hurt, upset, angry and confused

I feel like I never even knew who he was? That everything that happened between us was a big fat lie.

I get angry. And then sometimes I want to reach out and just check he’s okay even.

But I know the fact that he lied for so long. I’m better off staying away

I guess I’m writing this on this forum, so people can help me process my grief? Give me reassurance? Advice?

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