[lucy19]

I believe my partner has mental health issues, depression and alcohol and drug addiction.

He can be the most amazing man but he can also be pure nasty. We’ve been together 13 years , the issues have been there from the start in all honesty. I’ve covered for him time and again with family and friends. I can see that look they give me, pity and embarrassment. Majority of his anger tends to be towards me which I’d rather that than towards our now adult children or strangers. Im ashamed to say but I’ve found myself sucked into the drinking and drug taking at times. Also feel ashamed to say but recreational we’ve had some great times. But then he’ll just go on these benders, he’ll drink while he’s at work. He reckons he needs to as his job is stressful, it’s no more than anyone elses and it disgusts me especially if he drives home sometimes very drunk. He accusses me of cheating, lying I’ve done neither. He’s verbally abusive and has said some pretty awful things about everyone at some point. He’s nasty about my daughter to me, never says things to the kids. He’s on one of these benders today and he’s truly vile. I can feel my anxiety going through the roof. He’s drank for the last 4 days, progressively more and more. There’s been lots of issues in life and he will blame every issue on why he behaves this way. When he’s in one of these moods he tells me how much he hates me, that he’s leaving etc. It’s the same vicious circle everytime. He’ll come out of the bender ,will rarely say sorry but he is remorcful. I used to get upset, still do at times but mostly I hate him when he’s like this. I hate that he’s ruining our family. I hate myself for being weak and at times joining in with him just because on those days he shows me love and we have sex, probably the only time we do. I’ve wondered at times if he’s having an affair of sorts aswell, he’s always making comments about other woman but calls me a fat c..t.

I know I should leave him but I love our family unit and I don’t won’t it destroyed

[onetree20]

I feel broken too. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. We have 2 kids under 10. His drinking has got worse over the past 4 years. He drinks until he falls a sleep and don’t remember a thing the next day. It’s not every day. But when he drinks he’s like a different person. He says the most hurtful things to me. Because everything is my fault. It’s effecting his whole life. But he won’t get help no matter what I say. Now he wants to leave me. I feel so hurt. Like me and the kids are not worth getting better for. Lots of people have told me to leave him. But it’s not so easy is it. Especially as I love him. Although I don’t like who he is anymore.

[lucy19]

Really feel for you as your situation sounds as desperate as mine ☹️

Other people judge and don’t understand why we stay, I’m the same still in love with him. Since I wrote my post my situation has esculated and spiraled. Myself and grown up son confronted him about his drinking and behaviours. It’s back fired on me and a few weeks back he decided he no longer loves me and wants out of our relationship. I then found out he’s been involved with another woman at some level, he swears no more than friends but as he’s lied so much I no longer trust him. I’ve begged and pleaded but he’s made his mind up that he does have issues but he can’t tackle them with me in his life. Therefor he’s decided to leave me and family at end of month. Me and my kids have also got to move now as we can’t afford our current home without his income. I’ve ended up on antidepressants myself because of everything he’s put me through. We’re barely communicating right now and it’s really sad as I no longer have any idea who he is. I don’t believe he will change when he’s moved out ,he just doesn’t want to hear me telling him he has issues, because he knows this to be true but is too scared to deal with it. I really hope for your and kids sake that you have a better ending than me and mine xx

[kel1]

Ah Lucy I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. I was with my partner for 22years and something similar happened to me (and our two girls). If you click on my name you can read my story. I’m six months down the line, and although I’m heartbroken, I’ve got alot stronger. I’ve had all the “not in love” and ” don’t want this anymore” but the Truth is I don’t think these men know what they want. I’d not listen to all that noise and definitely don’t blame yourself, like I did, as that caused me to have a break down in the end. I was in a bad place, but as cliche as it sounds it does get better gradually day by day.

It’s really scary but what helped me was trying to focus one day at a time. I know that’s easier said than done but when everything is so up in the air and our lives spin out of control, especially with some big changes ahead it’s easy to get caught up with anxiety and sadness.

I’m here if you need to talk.

Sending you hugs ❤️

[onetree20]

Lucy19 I’m so sorry to hear that. I Don’t even know what to say. I can’t even imagine the way you must be feeling right now. When you love someone it’s so much harder. It’s so hard to be strong. I have people telling me I deserve better. Just like I’m sure you do too. But I think there’s always that hope that the person we know and love is still there and will come back to us one day. My husband left for 3 weeks before lock down. He didn’t talk to me whilst he was gone and acted like I was the worst person in the world. I felt so lost and heart broken. But he said all the right things and I took him back. It’s not got any better. In some ways it’s got worse. I just keep hoping things will change.

I hope you and your children are ok. It’s such a shit situation for you all. Sending you a virtual hug xxx

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