Hi Fbc83,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am really sorry to read how you are feeling.
If you think that it might help please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for the people who’s lives are affected by the addiction of a family member or friend.
If you feel that it would be helpful to talk, one of our trained and experienced people would be available for you to speak to. Maybe that would help you to make some sense of what is happening.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.