[nylanoo]

Hi everyone first time posting, long time reader of everyone’s posts, taken a lot to get myself to post

My husband was using coke for a year without me knowing, lots of tell tale signs of something but I didn’t really know what it was, I found signs it was coke and he denied it and then a few months later I found it again, I had just had a baby in that year and was all over the place emotionally and mentally with that and lockdown. There was lots of lies and lots of mental torture due to the paranoia, the come downs etc. Now my trust is very very low and I don’t even know if I will ever trust him again, he seems like he’s trying to be a better person but there is constant arguments because I’m so paranoid and overthink every little thing he does. Does anyone feel like they have been able to regain that trust again

[lookingforhope]

Hi Nylanoo

I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I found out this year that my partner has been abusing cocaine in secret for 5 years. I genuinely had no idea

I am little by little starting to trust him again, but he has had to work really hard at being transparent for any of that to work.

There are moments when he slips back into addictive behaviours but I am starting to trust myself more. When I see something I don’t like, I say it then and there. I categorically refuse to be gaslit anymore into thinking it’s all in my head.

I would also say that it’s super important to look after yourself and consider your needs and boundaries now.

Coming on here has massively helped me accept what has happened in the past and educate myself.

I hope that helps 🙂

[username1234]

Hi, just joined as in similar situation. My husband is addicted to cannabis and has been lying on and off for 15 years. Over summer we had counselling and I basically removed all control and restrictions in a bid to regain trust. Anything goes, just be open with me. It’s only been a couple of months and I caught him secretly smoking when he thought I was at work. There wasn’t even any need to be deceitful. I’m in so much pain thinking about ending it but I can’t cope with the deceit any more. He has never accepted he has an addiction, he doesn’t see anything wrong with smoking cannabis (but still decided to start hide that fact he was smoking morning spliffs).

[icarus-trust]

Hi

Thanks for posting. I’m sorry that you are having a difficult time due to your husband’s coke use. I’m glad that you have found this forum so that you can see that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

If you would like anymore help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family. If you contact us one of our trained and experienced Family Friends will be in touch and talking with them may help you to answer your questions and find out what other help is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[Author]

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