[pat]

Hi, my gf is an occasional smoker of cannabis, she did smoke more before I met her, she’s smoking 13 years ago, she’s trying to quit and she also smokes cigarettes, it hurts me as she started to lie about that, she never told me she smokes I found out casually she said doesn’t want to do it anymore but she’s still smoking sometimes, what I don’t like is she liying because it makes me feel she will never quit. It is very hard for me as I never used any drugs, I feel I want to leave her but at the same time I want to support her, we’re not living together and I’ve lost trust. Don’t know what to do 🙁

[kel1]

She’s addicted so she can’t just stop like that. She would need to learn new coping strategies, understand the driving force behind why she smokes, unlearn all habits and behaviours and use her desire to wanting to stop with getting help. Professional help. She’s lying mostly because she is carrying shame, and most likely to please you. Try understanding from an addicts perspective as it’s not so easy to just stop. Maybe she should have come clean initially but to her that’s probably not going to go down so well on a first date etc.

You have a choice to leave and if you chose that then that’s ok but as long as you don’t add pressure by giving ultimatums – that doesn’t work and possibly her smoking will increase.

First off she could try to reduce the amount she smokes, see her GP for help with mood and sleep because that will be affected and then get some help from a drugs worker with the rest.

Best of luck to you both

[pat]

Hi, thanks for your reply. She doesn’t want to go to the gp because she’s scared losing her job and also she always says she’s “only an occasionally smoker” and maybe then won’t help because she’s not smoking every day. I think it’s an excuse but I really want her stopping 🙁 I know it’s an addiction but I think she doesn’t realise about it

[kel1]

Denial is only to common with addiction. Why would her GP tell her work? That doesn’t happen, it’s confidentiality unless she was going to be at risk to herself or harm others. GPs refer to drug services etc so they want to support and so if they told every employer noone would get clean. That is an excuse I agree.

Every other day or every day doesn’t matter. If she uses a substance to chill out, relax or blot out stuff then it’s problematic because it implies she can’t do all those things in a healthy way.

[Author]

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