[crystalvision]

Sorry, you are going through this. It really sounds like you need to figure out how to leave this man. I understand how you feel, his behaviour will make you go psycho. Its becoming dangerous if there is now physical violence.

Cocaine makes them paranoid, mine was the same, accusing me of cheating and hiding men in my house etc. That paranoia can turn to violence too, as he may believe his own delusions so much he could attack you.

If you feel like you can’t go on, then you don’t have to.

[mummy24]

I’m just so weak I can’t bare when he crys and tells me he’s sorry and he won’t do it again. He has stayed sober since that post but he has now got a lock on his phone which I discovered. On Saturday he was about to go out to a shop I just had a feeling he was going to get cocaine. I told him straight if that was his plan to go elsewhere and do it. He went nuts shouting that I was a control freak and that I’ve got issues. He came back and he was sober and woke up in the morning expecting him to be out of it but he wasn’t. I just knew he was hiding something though so tried to look at his phone in the middle of the night and he has fingerprint lock on his messages. I told him this is totally unacceptable to me and this is a clear indication to me of his deceit and I just can’t stop thinking he is cheating which I’ve never thought before. I’m feeling very drained today like I don’t know how to get out of this. I’m too tired, I just want to run away by myself. I don’t feel like I can be a mum at the moment, I just feel like a total disaster and the kids would be better of without me messing there life’s up

[fullmoon]

Reading your post and its a scarily accurate description of how my partner behaves. You are not alone in this though it feels that way and you are not a bad mum. Sending you hugs.

[crystalvision]

Hey I hope you are ok. It’s not you who is messing things up its him.

The lies and worry turn you into a paranoid wreck. Its understandable.

I walked away from mine a few weeks ago and I’m struggling but I’m doing my best to let go.

The way I saw it I thought maybe losing me might make him realize but it didnt work that way.

He is happily taking drugs still and hasnt even contacted me. I don’t think he will now.

It sounds as though violence between you two is escalating and that’s not good.

Honestly until he decides he wants help there is nothing you can do you will just be fighting an endless struggle.

Go somewhere with the kids or tell him he has to go. Keep it calm and civil. Give him a time frame to get help. See what he does. You might not like the result but at least you will know.

[mummy24]

Thank you for your reply.

I think that is what I’m so scared of is him letting me go I’m clinging onto him to be the man I met.

I have been through a very bad brake up previous to this and was left with my 2 oldest kids to bring up. I am so scared of being in that situation again.

I just want my life back

[hox-26]

I have been waiting for two years for my wonderful loving husband to come back.

Cocaine ruins lives, we were so happy, he was my soul mate and put me on a pedestal. I knew that he had used cocaine a few years after we got married but he told me it did nothing for him.

Then he starts moving in different circles. Going out drinking. He was the one that always made sure his mates got home and he never lied telling me they all took cocaine regularly.

Then he gets caught up with the wrong sort of people and was making bad decisions. Ended up getting arrested. Whilst waiting for his trial to go to court he went off the rails. He was taking cocaine, getting drunk and staying out all night. He wasn’t going to work and was constantly telling me he had the flu. Not so, he was on the coke and this changed him, he had no patience, was evil tongued, accused me of wanting someone else. He constantly lied and he never had the need before we were so close.

He was not bothered when I had hospital appointments even though before he would always be there for me every time.

He no longer loves me, he left me and now he is in prison.

I’m still waiting for the monster to disappear. He has made me ill and nothing matters to him. He has left me with his debts to sort.

I want my lovely life back and the man I love.

[danman83]

Hope you ok hox?

[hox-26]

Not too bad Danman. I have my good days and bad days, today was a bad one but I’m getting there.

I see so many people on here with the same ‘stories’ but I am further down the line and it doesn’t get any better with my ‘husband’

I’m glad that you are seeing how the demon is trying to entice you, it gives me a good insight.

[danman83]

I was thinking the exact same the other day – reading other peoples stories. They all have a similar pattern. Just some are lot worse.

[hox-26]

Yeah, definitely a similar pattern. Loving couples with normal, lovely lives being taken over by the devil. Wreaking havoc with emotions and becoming loveless and self absorbed. Luckily I didn’t get any violent outbursts during this journey into hell.

Danman there is a wonderful weekend ahead enjoy it.

[crystalvision]

He might let you go if you decide to leave him and give him the ultimatum.

It depends how far down the road he is.

Still I think it’s a chance you should take even if it hurts. As he is becoming abusive to you and you cant let that go on.

It will hurt if it doesn’t go how you want but it’ll get better in time and ultimately it’s really something you have no control over.

I’m still in limbo with mine in a way but theres been no contact in almost a month now, its pretty obvious what his choice was.

Life goes on I suppose.

Sorry you’re going through this.

[Author]

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