[lnsigman]

My husband and I are high school sweet hearts. We both starting using pills while he was a senior in high school and I was a new graduate. It quickly turned into us using herion which lasted about 3 years and until we were homeless and had lost everything but our three dogs. Enough was enough so thankfully we were able to move into my parents basement and we started taking suboxene which we have now been h free for 6 years.

One day I noticed my boyfriend at the time wasnt himself, our 2 female dogs had both just had a litter of puppies and I was trying to do all kinds of things at once while he was around less and less. One morning I had this gut feeling I would find whatver he was using and I did, it was the one drug we had never touched, Meth. I told him if he was going to use meth he would have to loose me. Of course it didnt work out that way.

He left me to pee in cups because I could not go upstairs without him because the dogs and their pups would literally tear my parents pipes down, i couldnt shower and my mom would bring me food and sit it outside our door because there isnt a staircase to the basement just an outside door he would stay gone for up to 14 days while ignoring me knowing I could do nothing more than try to call and text.

I found out he was doing things with a much older man to get money for the meth he needed but he would treat me like absolute crap when on the phone with him and I would speak, before I knew for sure about this he asked me to go meet him to get $100 for work because my at that time boyfriend was going out of town and would need money to eat.

One day a puppy died and because I couldn’t leave the basement and he promised he would be back to bury him I had to message every person i thought he may be with until I begged the guy who said he was at his house to make him come bury my puppy and i guess my bf wasn’t in a rush because the friend offered to just come do it for me. I also was in no postion to feed these dogs which I lost close to 80 lbs giving them every bit of food i could ( yea my husband has always kept a job) he tried to take them to the animal shelter and they wouldn’t accept them but little did they know that it was the only option. they were listed on every single site we could think of but it felt like the world was trying to show me just how cruel meth is. I would sit there at night crying seconds away from ending my life, when my mom would pop in my head. I would call him and leave him messages letting him know that I didn’t want to do this anymore. He did not care, for years he only came to me when he was cold and no one else wanted him around because I was always there.

He always chose that guy over me, time and time again. I still to this day wonder if he is truly gay and I am just his way of keeping his secret from the world and his family.

One day I had literally had enough I was numb and to some degree I still am, I feel nothing anymore for any reason, I packed his stuff and told him once he decided to come back he was taking what he had and was never to speak to again even if he was to get off meth I didn’t want to hear from him. That day i guess he knew i was serious and he put it down and hasn’t looked back its been almost 2 years and since then we have become newlyweds. I love him but I’m also mad as hell and I dont know what else to do so I found this forum.

If anything is confusing I can go into more detail, I just wanted to rush and put my story out there to see if anyone can help me to forgive him.

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