[sybill02]

I’m not sure I can make this short, but I’ll try. I have been caring for my niece for the last 3 years. My sister, a mother of 3 has been a pills/heroin addict for 15+ years. She is supposedly a recovering addict but I believe still relies on Kratom. We can’t be sure because she is also a pathological liar and to this day still lies about working etc. In 2018 she moved out of state with her youngest kids and their father who is also an alcoholic/substance abuser and physical abuser. My sister refused to give custody because she would have to admit abandonment and she doesn’t believe that is what she did. My niece has been a part of our family because the substance abuse started when she was 2 and we have always tried to keep her involved since it was the only way to know she was okay. Gaining custody of her was impossible back then because they didn’t consider her mother unfit and my sister refused to give her up. Her father wasn’t present until she was around 11 and she had to go live with him because of an issue with her mother and the boyfriend. He was an alcoholic, party guy and if it wasn’t for the girlfriends he had, my niece wouldn’t have been taken care of then either. She lived with him off and on for 4 years (flip-flopping between his house and my parents). In 2018 when my sister moved out of state, my parents (whom my niece adored) moved out of state also and 2 months later her father died of a heroin overdose. So 3 major events in the span of 4 months. I never knew her father was an addict. I always thought he was just an alcoholic absent father.

My niece is a great student, is applying to colleges, and participates in sports. I tried to get her into counseling when everything happened and she refused to go. Now 3 years later, I think maybe I should have forced her to go. I worry that she has some severe emotional damage and my biggest question is should I force/recommend that she see a therapist now. I believe she has blocked most of her childhood and doesn’t have much recollection of some of the stuff she has been through, which is probably a good thing. She is also very non-confrontational and has been since she was a young child. She WILL NOT speak her mind or opinion on anything that bothers her, hurts her feelings and at 18 years old, she sometimes has the mind of a young teen. If you discipline (talking not physical) her or are upset with her (not doing chores etc.), she cries.

I guess I’m looking for guidance on any other family members that have teens that have experienced such loss. I know she is 18 and I can’t force her to do anything but I can probably convince her if necessary.

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