[dnanon]

Hi All, just wondered how we are all doing with our sons/partners and their addictions. Danman how many weeks/months is it now – hope you are still doing ok.

I still haven’t heard from my son, however, he took his daughter out for two days this week as it was her birthday. So that’s a definite positive step. He is also texting her too. I asked how he looked and she said he looks well, tanned and has put on a little weight. Again this all sound positive. I have decided not to bother contacting him as I know he is ok and he is unlikely to respond. All I can think is that he feels ashamed and guilty for how he has been with us. Hopefully in time he will get in touch with us.

Hope you are all ok and managing to cope. Stay strong xx

[hox]

I’m so glad that you are hearing something positive regarding your son. Are you keeping yourself well?

Still feeling quite strong here, husband still hasn’t moved out. Should have been three weeks ago. He didn’t wish me a happy birthday on the 21st which was either a good move from him or he had forgotten. He has only been out once over the last week and not with the ‘coke friends’ When I told him that he’d chosen coke over his wife I think it hurt him.

Stay strong.

[dnanon]

Yes thanks I am keeping well. I have started a new job which is keeping me busy and taking my mind off my son.

Glad you are staying strong. It must be really difficult but you have set your mind to it and sticking to it. My son never remembered any birthdays and even when reminded didn’t do anything. Apart from his daughter’s last week, which my husband kept reminding him about. I hope your husband is realising the choices he has made and how they have now affected his relationship with you and the consequences.

You take care x

[hox]

I think thats the way forward to keep busy, it does take your mind off things for a while focusing on the job. For me though after work its hard to get out the house. Anxiety and panic attacks are my problem. I plan, then all fails at the last hurdle, one day I will get over the finish line. I’m panicking writing this so I know its bad.

He still doesn’t realise that the coke has altered his mindset and blocks out our previous happy life and has actually admitted he does this. He’s a totally different person. Cold as ice mostly and on very rare occasions tearful with remorse.

He has not been out on the usual stuff, alcohol and coke but he is going out with other dodgy friends and relatives now and is up to no good. I’m waiting for that knock on the door one way or the other.

[dnanon]

I think it’s time you start focusing on yourself. Do you have friends or family who can encourage and support you in getting out of the house after work? What about joining a gym or evening class. Anything to take your mind off your home life. I can’t remember whether you have children so not sure what responsibilities you have.

[hox]

I am aiming to focus on myself. I wish I was high maintenance. We have no children. I haven’t told family, I have told a few friends part of whats happening but it’s hard telling folk when they knew how happy we were. I’d rather keep most to myself. I don’t go out as I don’t want people he knows (coke friends and dodgy relatives) to see me. I feel embarrassed and humiliated. It’s hard to explain and hopefully over time my head will sort itself out.

[danman83]

Sorry only just seen this DNAon.. well least its a start your son looking healthy.

I just hope he sees sence and comes to see you soon.

But ye i lapsed this sat. I went out and shouldnt of.. i didnt even want to. But im putting it behind me and moving foward.

Im absolutely gutted. Because i know i didnt even want it or wanted to go out

[dnanon]

Like you said put it behind you and move on and upwards. How’s the reading going …

[bluebell]

I am glad that your son is looking well and is making an effort with his daughter, that is positive and good to hear.

How, my heart goes out to you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Having kids has probably helped me as they are my reason for getting out of bed. Cocaine is the most evil drug. It steals away kind loving people and replaces them with utter arseholes. At the moment my ex is popping by ours quite a lot, funnily not spending time with the kids but with me. I think I may have made a royal cock up but at the time it seemed like a good idea.

Because he is such a liar and I was worried about his contact with the kids I told him what he does is his own business and I accept now that he has made his choice but he needs to tell me when he has used so that my kids don’t get the brunt of a massive comedown or worse still, he just falls asleep whilst being with them!

So he said ok. And now tells me while I sit there positively seething! He is now coming round all the time and I thought at first he wastrying to make amends, professing to not wanting to do it any more saying it hadruined his life. What about mine and the kids! So I thought he was serious about it but now I have worked out he is coming to see me on his come downs because he is lonely and feeling sorry for himself! Worse still, I think he wastrying to “convert” me as when I said I could never ever snort anything up my nose i’d feel like I was drowning, he looked at me completely straight faced and said “but you could rub it on your gums instead” He was deadly serious!!! ????????????

I am now angry at him but even angrier at myself! My 9 year old son asked me why we weren’t married as we are always together, and then I felt so bad as I was so busy hoping and wishing my lovely old husband was possibly there I never thought what effect it would have on my lovely boys! Although I have to say, my eldest son has ASD. What I love about him is he says things as they are such as when my husband first left “I don’t know why you are bothered about it mummy, it’s much better without him”. ????????????

Danny, don’t beat yourself up. Remember what Louise Clarke says, it’s not a relapse it’s a hiccup. You are still on track and you still want to change which is a place that none of the rest of our loved ones are xx

[dnanon]

Hi Bluebell, it’s easy for me to say but I think you need to knock your partner’s visits on the head. You don’t need to be there for him any more, especially if he is still using. I understand what you say about him seeing the kids though and wanting to make sure he is in a fit state to have them. Is there something you could be doing in the house whilst he could be with your children? He has got an absolute nerve suggesting you could rub cocaine into your gums! It’s obvious he isn’t interested in quitting. You have to think about what is best for yourself and your kids. Like you said your son said it’s better when he’s not there.

[hox]

Husband rubs it on his gums too.

[danman83]

Thanks bluebell, thats exactly what im thinking.

[louise1974]

Hi danman – you talk a lot of sense, your very open about your issues and that’s commendable I think you’ll master this – you’re stronger than you think just trust your instincts try and stay on the straight and narrow but if you deviate don’t beat yourself up it’s par for the course. I split up with my ex because he was a cocaine addict and I couldn’t cope with it but he was never as open as you seem – never admitted he had a problem, even when he was thousands of pounds in debt lost jobs because of it lost his ex wife because of it and his kids but no it was never a problem I had to go for my own sanity but you seem different you’re more tuned in to your own problem that’s why I think you’ll do this good luck danman, lou

[danman83]

Thank you louise..all at work this week.. on my night shift ive just felt down from it.. and if someone put it in front of me id say get that shit away from me!.

But this is my main problem and any advice will do.. me and my partner cheated on each other years ago. We was both para for abit and wouldnt want to go out. But she does now and we have been out a few times before new year. And thats when i get coke mainly. Sometimes in the house. But thats totally stopped. If she goes out i just cant stay in. But she doesnt really do. Ive asked her just help me till our hol in july and spend weekends together. So im 4 month off at least. But im worried if she goes out after that. I will want to. But im hoping ill be ok? My heads up my ass lol

[hox]

Dan, why do you feel the need to go out if your gf does? Is it the lure of the coke?

[danman83]

No its the thought i have to stay in.. and me worrying if shes gonna cheat. Ill be honest i am paranoid. Lol

[hox]

You have both put that episode away Dan. Start to trust.

[louise1974]

I understand what you’re saying Danman and thank you for your response it does really help me, honestly it does, do you and your GF live together? I worry if my partner is on a night out, which isn’t v often tbh – because he’s always skint – I always paid when we went

out even though he’s on a much better salary than me, but his wages don’t last long after the first week, for obvious reasons- he’s supposed to be going out tmw with work so I’m stressing about it already – get that head out your ass chic you’ll be fine your stronger than u think -lou

[danman83]

Yes we live togethee with 4 kids between us.. we are just a regular family.just spend it with the kids really.

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