[danman83]

It sounds like hes made his choice what he likes more. Im doing my best to stop coke. I hate the stuff and im lapsing once every 3 or 4 weeks. Maybe you should do whats the best for you and the kids now. I would.

[z123]

Yes that’s what he’s been doing, he’ll relapse after few weeks. He honestly is like a changed person and he hates me so much. It’s like there’s a demon inside him.

I hope you keep looking forward and do your best to stay off it and I wish you the best with it

[danman83]

Thanks. I wouldnt take any more crap off him tho.

[b8988]

Hi there. Your story could have been identical to mine. My husband is now in recovery from all drugs, 5 months clean. His personality is back to pre drug days, although for this to happen it had to take lots of fights, stopping, starting etc. He had to get to a point where his life was getting worse by continuing his drug use.

Everything you said was my life and worse. My husband told me he didn’t love me or the kids as he had no feelings for anyone. I thought he was having a midlife crisis, turns out it was a hidden 5 year coke addiction. I’d been with my hubby 16 years, we were so in love, and happy until Coke came into our relationship. He started calling me horrible names? Saying I was a slag years ago, now I know this was all projection as he felt bad about what he was doing so needed to find stuff on me, there was nothing so he had to make stuff up, plus the drug made him a paranoid freak!

Our fights were explosive, I’d accuse him, he’d deny it, this would anger me more til I would throw him out. He’d then come back and then the cycle would continue. Eventually I turned violent towards him as he used in our home with our kids and I caught him. He’d done it for years behind my back whilst we were in bed but I never knew. He then started trying to move on by adding loads of women on fb telling them all I was abusive and he hadn’t loved me for years, luckily they could all see what a mess he was and rejected his advances. This was all so out of character as my husband idolises me and had doted on me and the kids since I met him.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that what your husband has done is typical behaviour of most coke or just addicts in general. The drug changes them, the need to prioritise the drug changes everything. They become monsters, it’s all so sad! The more they take and the longer they take it for the worse their behaviour will be.

I know everyone says it, but leave him to it, because until you do nothing will change. I had to back up on my promise to leave and not speak to my husband at all for him to decide to change. He said he thought I was bluffing like I always had. The last time though I’d had enough.

Tell him he can’t have both, if he wants to see his kids you want a 3 month clean hair strand test. Tell him to take you to court. He might get worse before better. You’ll know when he’s fully stopped though.

Good luck xx

[z123]

I am pleased your husband is 5 months clean. Can I ask, did you take him back?

For me, I feel it is all over as too many things been said x

[b8988]

Yes I had him back. Whilst he is trying I’m prepared to give him the chance, however if it comes to it that he’s slipping back I think it will be time to walk.

I’ve had to have lots of counselling both as a couple and on my own. It’s hard to forget all the crap! But I know if I want it to work I Have to try. I think I only have as before drugs my husband was the most loving, loyal and most selfless person you could meet, none of this behaviour was him, it was all drugs. I’m annoyed that he was silly enough to touch the horrible stuff In the first place but I know he wouldn’t have ever dreamed that it would have got so bad!

Everyone’s situation is different, I definitely wouldn’t stay with an active addict though.

[z123]

I have seen a lawyer so he should receive the letter shortly. I have been in contact with him asking to see the kids and obviously I have refused. I told him I am going through the lawyers and he went crazy and texting me horrible things saying I’m an unfit mother ect ect

The house will be sold also so that I am able to move away as I am completely humiliated by what he’s done and became.

He’s told me he doesn’t love anyone but stated he loves his kids and has told me he is 3 weeks off it and that’s only because I am stopping him seeing the kids because he basically told me he wants a single life away from me and still do his coke but he wants to keep seeing kids

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

So sorry to read what a difficult time you’re having coping with your partner’s behaviour towards you due to his addiction. You are obviously a very strong person and taking action through your lawyer to move on.

If you would like some more support for yourself please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people going through what you are.. We know how difficult this is and have trained and experienced people you could talk with if you think that would help.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

all the best to you.

[Author]

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