[shell98]

I’m losing my partner my best friend and my business all in one go to this, he’s killed our business, loste a job I had to pay our rent and constantly makes me feel like the bad one. Yesterday was the last straw I am officially skint and he once again asked me for money to go out, he already had £50 we know where that is going I have bills to pay I can’t lend anymore. I got called insane horrible etc to the point he said he was leaving me then like am idiot I was the one begging for h not to go not to leave me.

I can’t tell his family because that is another threat to leave. I feel like I’m going insane because despite all this I love the idiot

[lola84]

I am so sorry to hear this, this was me a few weeks back, no money to my name, struggling to pay bills and him losing yet another job! Luckily I joined Al-Anon in December and got myself to some more meetings and found huge comfort in there, that even though I genuinely have no idea what is going on in my hubby mind and life right now, I can focus on me. Its still horrible and tough and I have today made the decision to cancel yet another holiday because he’s spent all our money on cocaine! but stay strong, take every day as it comes and reach out for help, go to an Al Anon group if you can, speak to others who know what you are going through. i totally understand that you cant tell his family, because I am the same, the only people I speak to are people who understand.

You are not at all insane for loving him, he’s struggling too and he’s still the person you fell in love with despite everything. x

[shell98]

Thank you so much for not berating me thank you

[donthaveaclue]

Mine does/did this. I’m in massive debt and he still asks for money. Bills are now going unpaid. I sometimes don’t have money for food.

I’ve reached the point where I can no longer be part of it. I just want out. I don’t want to be dragged down with the sinking ship. He is not actively seeking to stop despite promising me many times he would. He blames me for him using or relapsing… it’s so ridiculous.

I would take time to figure out if your partner is going to try go stop or not. Also take time for yourself.

[shell98]

Thank you. He had a days work yesterday and spent the money to himself says a lot

[miked80]

Shell, I’m so sorry to read what you’re going through. Partly because in many ways I’m living a soft version of this right now. Our bills are getting paid, but only just, and then of course he constantly needs money that I just don’t have afterwards.

Can’t tell his family – same here. It all just makes you feel alone, I’m guessing? Does anyone else know how bad it is (in his life, I mean)? I’m feeling a lot less alone now that a few of mine’s friends have reached out to me, even though we’re far from out of the woods. I pray you have someone – anyone – in your life you can reach out to.

[shell98]

Hes been gaslighting me past few days as I have no money. But I Start a new job on Monday so that’s when he’ll start getting back in touch

[donthaveaclue]

How are you doing Shell? Hope the new job is going well.

Stay strong.

[shell98]

Hi Don’t have a clue, it’s going good, similar to what I’ve done before so no major change!, it’s a week in hand so am getting the run around of seeing him now surprise there. Also caught a blatant lie out

How are you?

[donthaveaclue]

I’m good – well me and our child got sick while staying at my family home so we are temporarily here longer than planned… which means we get a longer respite break from returning home and sharing the house with the addict.

I’m sorry he’s still lying to you. Mine does a lot of omission- so almost like lying by omission – especially recently when he’s been spending bill money on drugs or putting drugs on tick… when I know nothing about it.

Have you managed to avoid seeing him?

[Author]

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