[z123]

do you know what, it is fine. I just have to accept the fact that he is now gone and leading the life he wants with cocaine and other women or woman and my kids now come from a broken home because of his choices in life, as he said he came back to try and get feelings for me but he couldn’t but he was still using cocaine and i was too boring for him as i can’t compete with it, so maybe he is better off starting a fresh again and lying to his new partner or maybe she takes it too? he did also say “do you really think we can comeback from this because i don’t think we can”. His family have also came no where near me and my kids since it happened.

And to top it off, he cried to me on the phone the other day when i was asking him for answers about his feelings towards me and he said i was draining him and that he tried to kill himself last week because i am not allowing him to see kids, and he said he had to go because he was in a meeting but he was seen half hour later by my friend driving in his car laughing as he was on the phone to someone. He also cut me off the both times i spoke to him and i called him back and he said he didn’t know what happened but i think he was recording my call to use in court

[z123]

why am i even looking up more about cocaine and relationships when he has clearly made his point towards me! and while i am doing this he is probably out with some other woman as he is never seen at weekends! i am such a sad case to even give him any thought now!

[lc100]

Your situation doesn’t seem too far from my own.

Husband told me New year’s day 2018 that he no longer loved me, this followed a few months of him being out most weekends though I never suspected coke. He was gone a week then came back saying the time apart had made him realise what’s important and he wanted to be with me, we had been in the process of buying a new house which we continued the process of. We moved last April, by July he was telling me again that he was unsure of his feelings for me. He went back and forth before we seperated last August.

Again he was out drinking every other weekend when he did not have our children, when I’d see him he’d look awful but I thought maybe he was suffering with depression. I confronted him about cocaine use last November as knew he had taken in the past though he’d always said it was only on occasion, when I asked, he again downplayed it and told me it is not as often as I was making it out to be.

Around Xmas he again told me he wanted to make a go of our marriage, he appreciated me more now and wanted to be a better person for me and our children. Over the last 6 months he has been away on 4 lads weekends abroad (pretty sure they’ve all be cocaine filled) he is out constantly when he does not have the kids and I am now being told by friends of his that his cocaine use is far heavier than he’s told me, one of his friends said to him I think you have a problem to which he replied “yeah I know, I just can’t help it”. He has now ended things again saying he is just not emotionally invested in this. I’ve since found out that he is now dating a girl he works with 12yrs younger than him (and very much still in the party years of her life) my kids are devastated and he doesn’t seem to care, he’s just become this completely selfish person that I don’t recognise.

Honestly I’m looking for the same answers, does he just not love me any more or does he just not love me as much as he loves coke?

Sorry I can’t answer our questions, but just know you aren’t alone x

[hox]

Same here. ‘Husband’ said he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t know why. Told me to get on with my life. It was so sudden it stunned me. He would cry for reasons I couldn’t work out, because why would you cry if you didn’t love or care about someone and what you are doing to them. I wouldn’t but then again I don’t sniff coke.

Fourteen years of marriage to my soul mate and then nothing. It was so out of character but then so was the regular use of cocaine and drinking excessively.

It is the cocaine talking, we cannot all be wrong. It changes everything about them. It also changes the way they treat others that are close too, you just don’t realise because you think its just you.

You are not alone.

[lc100]

So true, honestly see the way my “husband” has been over the last 18 months is just shocking.

I tried writing him a letter last week explaining what the separation was doing to our kids (wasn’t aware how bad his coke use was at this point) and he still didn’t seem to care.

I think it changes their emotional state, they don’t “feel” properly if they aren’t on a high so in comparison real life isn’t enough for them anymore. I just feel like if that’s where his head is at right now, surely it can only get worse as he’ll start using more to continue the highs?

Just glad I found this forum as i at least can see the situation for what it is now instead of kidding myself he’s just going through a midlife crisis.

[hox]

This forum has been my rock in my deepest, darkest days I can tell you. I didn’t know where to turn.

There is no real emotion in my ‘husband’ like you say they don’t ‘feel’ anymore. It’s like they have become an alien being. No amount of talking helped, he just didn’t register my feelings in all of this, only his own. He became selfish for the first time in our lives together.

It’s not a mid life crisis is it. It’s a ‘cocaine crisis’ and our lives will never be the same again. It has been an awful twelve months.

[lc100]

I only came across it a couple days ago, and reading through a few of the posts, so many of them have similarities to my own situation which makes me more and more certain that it is the cocaine, everything that has happened in the last 18 month’s, it’s like it’s all clicking into place and finally making sense.

I never would have imagined ending up where I am now. I knew my husband had dabbled in it during his younger years but honestly thought he’d grown out of it. I’m now questioning whether he did and something pulled him back in or whether he’s just been hiding it better for the years leading up to this.

He doesn’t know the extent I now know he is using, and given he’s been out the house almost a year and with his new “girl” for the last month I’m not sure it’s worth my energy confronting him, I know a friend of his tried and it didn’t change anything. I’m just concerned because we have kids together. I don’t *think* he is using when he is with them, I do think it is still only if he is out drinking (which is every weekend he doesn’t have kids) but I just don’t know anymore, he’s not the person I knew

[z123]

I would never have imagined being here either as he was very much against drugs. I knew he had tried some drugs as a teenager but he had never tried cocaine until he went away to work from home. He said he was offered it to square him up whilst drinking as he drank red wine and could become drunk quite easily.

He has told me he has driven our kids about in some states unbeknown to me as I had no idea he was using coke. For years I knew he went through stages of feeling low and I did say to him he should go speak to a doctor and that he may be one of those people that needed an anti-depressant. He never did! I noticed he started to get angry over the slightest little thing and he would talk very degrading of people and I would say to him you need to think about what you’re saying here, I would say it’s like you’ve got a black heart. The last past year and a half I noticed him being extremely cold with me, speaking to me in a degrading manner and would start an argument for no reason. I couldn’t figure out why, I approached him about his behaviours and told him he was acting out of character and like a ned, this made things worse obviously because I was just like a nag to him. He seemed attention elsewhere with taking cocaine and flirting with other women buying them drinks all night but little do the other women know that he actually hates himself and everything about him is just all pretence.

I was the best thing that happened to him but I’ve had no support from his family whatsoever so he is their problem now as I will not allow my kids to be involved in a world of drugs and his paranoia and depression that’s been caused by the cocaine.

Sounds like your husband has been taking it all along and is too deep into now whereby the cocaine becomes a priority. The girl who he is with is either into it with him or she too is blinded by his lies because he is an expert at it now. The thing is he will never find true love with anyone else because his true love is now his cocaine!

[lc100]

Same as that, my husband had very little going for him before we met. I helped him build a career, got us onto the property ladder and made a house a home and gave him 2 beautiful kids. He’s never had to want for much since we’ve been together as I’ve always done everything for him!!

I don’t even think his family are aware of it. I don’t have the greatest relationship with his mum as she has her own set of issues and has made a lot of choices I don’t agree with. She’s barely spoken to me since we seperated.

Ultimately I don’t think it matters right now, as regardless of what support he does or doesn’t have, he doesn’t think he has a problem in the first place. I suspect his new girl is using also or more accepting of it than I am, she’s 22 and not at a point in her life where she has to think about how it impacts children etc. I’m sure it’s just a bit of fun and not a problem to her.

Absolutely agree though, the only thing he is ever going to truly love now is the cocaine, I think he’s lost the capability to love anything or anyone else

[z123]

All these stories sound so similar. In the beginning when he told me that he didn’t love me, he said how can I love someone else when I don’t love myself. He has always been a depressive type person and doing my research on this stuff I know that people who lack of self-esteem can be some easily addicted because it makes them feel good but the depression hits them harder. He needs it now to make him feel good because the reward part of his brain doesn’t work now without coke.

Like your husbands, he came back and said it was the drugs talking when he said he didn’t love me and his head was all messed up and begged me to take him back but he’s done the same thing to me time and time again since last sept.

He’s told me it’s a good drug to take and he wants best of both worlds. I asked him so you want a single life to take cocaine and see your kids when it suits you and he said no, so I asked him do you want me just to be your friend and he said no and when I said well you don’t want me as your partner or lover he said I don’t know and got angry.

Currently he is fighting me for access as I’ve atopped contact with kids because I told him from very beginning if he took it again I would stop contact. He’s told me he would sign house over to me and I could take all proceeds from sale of house to give the kids a better life but now he’s turned on me and is not willing to do that. He came to house today and sat outside trying to intimidate me then text me asking for his mail. He knows fine well he has no mail coming here since he first left in sept.

There’s no going back for me because now he wants to buy the house from me, how disturbing is that as he’ll be bringing girls back here to the family home we once had with our kids. Cocaine really messed up lives not only for the user but for the people around them!

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