[cocainecowboy]

Hi , I’m new to this and have been reading the other threads and found other people’s perspectives of cocaine use interesting and quite refreshing, not in a gloating sort of way , more of a way that I realise a lot of people think and act the same way as me , I’m 29 stuck in a job I hate with decent pay , but with a lot of stress , I have lots of decent friends and family but the only time when I feel truly at peace is when I’m taking cocaine on my own in my room with my headphones in putting the world to Rights in my own drug enhanced mind, it was in one of these little “sessions” if you would like to call it that , i realised this wasn’t normal behaviour,my best and most relaxed moments shouldn’t be when I’m high off drugs on my own.. if I was a loner (and don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to make out like I’m the most popular guy in town) I could half justify it to myself I’ve got nobody etc but I have a great family and friends but i can’t shake this ritual of just sitting on my own and shutting the world off and taking this escape , why am

I happiest when I’m on my own ?have I become a recluse , I look forward to sitting on my own doing drugs ?,does this mean I don’t love my friends and family as much as i thought? any help or advice would be gratefully received and if anyone wants mine would be happy to offer

[pjb11]

Hg

[cocainecowboy]

Hg ?

[pjb11]

Iv signed up here about 30 mins ago,this week i finally threw the towel in and come clean to my family about my coke use,how they never clocked i dont know.Been constant for 12 years odd,but last few years its got outa control,lost my partner of 14 years bout 18 months who was a diamond and shud of got rid of me long before that,she had the patience of a saint,i was never mean or unfaithful,but when on one id go missin for days and as im sure the rest of you can relate,when wanting tlc and affection on the sunday/monday comedown,cudnt understand why she so fucked off.Cocaine makes u selfish and wanting one thing only.After being heartbroken (deservedly so)i somehow managed to get with another absolute angel,again hiding my secret.I am tryin to cling on to her but shes pretty much at end of her patience,and wants me no part of her until i sort myself,i want to stop but its so hard.I always felt i could hold it down on coke,never been a gurner or type to have weird hand action appear on it or tryin to lick my nose,but in the last 6 months i have seen a massive change in my thinking when on it.I conjur up mad stories in my head and get very paranoid and possessive of my soon to be ex gf,the next day when sober and on planet earth i scare myself about the mad situations i was convinced were true and goin on in my head.its almost like my brain has taken too much abuse and a switch has been turnt.We cokeheads dont mean to be selfish and upset and wreck everything good in our lives,but its tough.Next week i have my first meeting and i pray to god i can turn this round and try save my relationship with my gf as i love her dearly and worry where i go if im

Alone

Thanks for listening,

[cocainecowboy]

good luck ! ????

[cocainecowboy]

Thank you, for your offer to chat , like me it sounds like it got hold of fast , and as you say I think beer has big partnto play it’s was all a laugh

For me when I started doing a quick line in somebody’s kitchen or in pub toilets then I didn’t just want a line , it was a full bag just for me on my own I wanted ! Not in a selfish not sharing way just wanted quiet and to sit and think about things and seemed to make me see things clearer and make things that I had being worrying about trivial as in “why are you worried about that” “I’ll tell her or him when I see them” but it’s load of shit .. all it does is make you anxiety worse when your coming down or have slept for 13 hours after been up for two days, I’ve done it all and learned how it effects me but I’m a glutton for punishment because I always do it again I hope I can be of some help to you as you kindly offered to be of help to me xxx

[cocainecowboy]

I Also wanted to add that I do sympathise that you have children as well (not pity) I know how hard it is to deal with and I have nobody to look after so can only imagine how hard it is for you holding down a habit xxx

[markmiller]

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