[alexx]

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years and he hid the fact he used coke for the first year of our relationship. When I found out it was just a social thing and just of a weekend. Three years in I recognised it was clearly becoming a problem, he didn’t have any money, he was calling in sick to work, he would sulk if I didn’t want him doing it etc. At the start of 2020 he told me he had enough and was stopping, he left his job in feb, then lockdown in March as we don’t live together we couldn’t see eachother, I was unaware but he was using more than ever! In May we had a row, the pressure of not seeing each-other and he had lent money off me and lied about what it was for, we didn’t speak for nearly a week. He went missing for 24hrs, I was out looking for him and his mum really wasn’t a lot of help and wouldn’t let me search his room! Finally when the police were informed his mum let me search his room and it was full of cocaine wraps everywhere! he come back later that day and said he felt suicidal and stayed out in the allotments. I told him I will stand by and support him as he said he had enough and wanted to give up. Then in October he is now living at mine, I noticed he was staying up really late and not getting up in the morning. He said it’s just because his bodyclock is adjusting as he was used to going to bed at 4/5am. I noticed he was on his phone a lot and encouraging me to go to sleep. I’ve never checked his phone ever before but I checked it one morning as my gut was telling me something wasn’t right, I found he had been messaging another girl with explicit pics. I then found out he had signed up to dating apps under a fake name just wanting “fun” but he never did anything physical with another girl.

We didn’t speak for a while and he begged for me back and admitted he had been using again! I decided to give him one chance as long as he gave up cocaine, I know cheating isn’t him and feel like the cocaine made him horny and message girls.

He said he wants to give up, and it’s like he has voices in his head telling him to do bad things to ruin something good, and he had been feeling suicidal again and looked up how to kill himself. He has done 2 CA zoom sessions which I’ve been there with him for support and tried to encourage more, but he says atm he feels good and doesn’t need to do them atm.

I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid but I question whether he still does it secretly? He has a runny nose all the time and nose bleeds, but does that take a while to heal after 13 years of doing coke??

He is also drinking nearly everyday which he doesn’t see an issue with but I don’t think it’s a good idea when your meant to be recovering from cocaine.

[danman83]

I’ve just replied to you on my post that you commented on alex

[icarus-trust]

Hi Alex,

Thanks for posting Alex. So sorry to read your story about your boyfriend’s addictions and how its affecting you. I work for a charity called Icarus Trust. We offer support to people living with someone with addictions as we know how hard this is. If you contact us one of our family Friends would be in touch. They are trained and very experienced and would be able to help you answer some of your questions and tell you what other support we can offer both you and your boyfriend.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Hope this helps. Good luck.

[Author]

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