[ka123]

I’m 24 and my boyfriend has always struggled with addiction, the last 2 weeks he has drank and taken cocaine for 6 days straight through, then again a few days later and finally again last night by himself each time in his room at home , I tried to educate myself and be supportive, today I had an app for my psychologist for my own issues , and I had to finalise my college application I woke up to a message saying he had been up all night drinking again and taking coke, I tried to be supportive but I suggested him getting more help than a psychologist and he lost it and shut me out and said I’ve made him feel so much worse, at the moment I feel lost it seems so hard to say the right thing , he constantly tells me how badly I am doing but I genuinely feel I am trying so hard and remaining calm and non judgemental, he’s now going to drink in some random guys house during a pandemic they aren’t even friends , he lives with his parents and I feel powerless as to how I can help right now! Do I contact his parents about helping him together or just let it run it’s course any advice or anyone who can relate I would be so so grateful I live with my mam at home and don’t feel comfortable talking to her about this

[debc]

Hi Ka123

Welcome to the Forum, where lots of people are in similar situations to yourself and where you can find lots of really helpful advice.

I am the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), think they go hand in hand with each other. My Son is in Recovery, but I can appreciate what you are going through with your boyfriend.

The sad thing is, they are all the same, they blame everyone else for what’s wrong in their lives, they lie, steal and I think they only ever think of themselves.

Your Boyfriend will only ever try to get help when and if he wants too. You say about letting it run it’s course, the only thing this addiction will do is ruin his life and yours.

Do his Parents know about his addiction? If you feel like you can talk to them, then I certainly would as he lives with them.

Feel free to chat on here anytime, I always find it really helpful.

Take care.

Dx

[seekingsarah]

Debc! I have stumbled upon multiple posts by you on others stories…your words are truly inspirational and helpful. Thank you!

[seekingsarah]

Ka123 I just came to this forum, and made my first post today. I hope you find some clarity, advice…whatever you need. Your post struck me when you said he tells you you’re not doing good…or enough…or whatever. Unfortunately…as I too am learning the hard way ( married to cocaine addict for 5 years) addicts are quick to put the blame on someone else. I think it makes them feel a bit better about doing something they know they shouldnt. Everytime my husband uses and then says he did it because of my anger…not cleaning house…not supporting him…etc I will make sure to correct it…hell find something else. Don’t let him tear you down. Being with an addict will take a mental toll. If you have not reached out to his family it might be time to do so.

[ka123]

Thank you so so much to both of you for replying, it’s honestly so refreshing to hear from someone who understands. I’ve felt so alone I’m sure you know how isolating it can feel.

Yes his parents are fully aware and have been dealing with this a lot longer than me their approach is to leave him be, he will go weeks months of being normal and then this will happen he will binge for weeks and just turn into a different person

Glad to know it’s common that they will deflect the blame , thinking of you both and so sorry you are going through this as i know it’s intensely painful sending love x

[Author]

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