[grace1993]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have both always used drugs recreationally. I only ever drink on the weekend and not heavily but I sometimes have MDMA. I don’t like to lose control or get too intoxicated – I don’t like the feeling so it’s purely just for a bit of fun for me. My boyfriend pretty much does any drug and when he does drugs recreationally he goes hard and likes to get as f*cked up as possible. He also drinks A LOT when he drinks. He is an abusive drunk (not physically) and gets nasty and paranoid.

Over the last year, he started drinking more during the week – i’d show up to his house on a Wednesday night and he would be drunk and had been drinking alone. I would confront him about it and he would deny being drunk even though he was slurring his words and was very clearly intoxicated. This has gotten worse and worse and about 6 months ago I started finding empty vodka bottles stashed around the house, empty american honey bottles, any sort of alcohol. He would lie and say it was from “ages ago” but I knew it wasn’t. I also started catching him drunk more and more or signs that he had been drinking alone/during the week – even in the afternoon. It’s not just one drink, he would probably drink half a bottle of vodka or more alone. I also started finding empty vodka bottles in his car. I also would find cocaine baggies around the house. And I also would see white powder on his nose but he would lie and get angry at me for even accusing me of that. It’s progressively gotten worse and worse and he became extremely verbally abusive, controlling, paranoid about me cheating on him/wanting to get with his friends, reading through my phone etc.

He would sleep over my house and get up CONSTANTLY during the night. Every time I’d wake up he wouldn’t be in the bed and he reckons he couldn’t sleep. My mum went away and brought back duty free alcohol and one day she found the bottles stashed under the spare bed – he’d obviously woken up in the night and drank my mum’s alcohol. It didn’t matter what kind of alcohol it was he would just drink it to get f*cked up. He became a heavy smoker – every 10/15 minutes has to go outside for a smoke. One night I woke up and he was gone and he had left my house and gone to this guy’s house at 3am on a Tuesday to get f*cked up without even letting me know – I just woke up and he was gone. I messaged everyone trying to find out where he was and when he eventually responded to me he told me to “chill out” as if it wasn’t a big deal.

He started doing things to me like he would be supposed to come to my house for dinner and he didn’t show up and had a bender with his friends and didn’t talk to me for 6 days. Our relationship has really suffered – he would get f*cked up and abuse me or not speak to me for days, then I would refuse to see him because I wanted to stand my ground and make sure he knew it was not okay, but he wouldn’t understand why I didn’t want to see him and would try to turn it on me as if he was being the best boyfriend ever and I just didn’t want to see him for no reason. He has become completely irrational and unreasonable. I’ve tried to force him to go and talk to a drug and alcohol counsellor and he always says he will but never follows through. He lies to me about drinking and doing drugs.

About 4 weeks ago, I was at his house on a saturday and he was drinking and he abused me and told me to leave for no reason. I left and he literally harrassed me (calling, messaging). I refused to reply or see him and he ended up showing up to my house even though I told him not to. He passed out on my couch. I told him he needs to get help or I cannot be with him anymore. And refused to see him for 3 days. He said he would get help and was begging me not to break up with him for 2 days then as the days went on he started to turn everything on me “you dont love me, you dont even want to see me, you hate me” etc. I tried to explain that the reason why I don’t want to see him is because why would I when he is verbally abusive towards me? but he doesn’t listen or think rationally about it at all. He then blocked my number, blocked me on instagram and didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks. All the while he was telling other people that we aren’t together anymore without even telling me.

He contacted me for the first time in 2 weeks last night and literally harrassed me from 9:30pm to 8:00am this morning accusing me of not loving him, hating him, saying that I wasn’t attracted to him and never wanted to have sex with him, accusing me of flirting with other guys, wanting to move on etc. Calling me non stop. I could tell he was drunk/on drugs. He kept saying I never wanted to have sex with him but the truth of the matter was he would abuse me/lie to me or disappoint me at least twice a week and that is why I refused to be intimate with him because why would I when he’s just hurled abuse at me while being drunk.

I agreed to have a conversation with him tomorrow face to face and then he turned around and said not to worry about it and that he wanted to be with someone who is affectionate towards him/is attracted to him.

I’m so confused I don’t know what to do.

[beth2020]

Sorry you are going through this, it’s not fair on you to be carrying this burden! I’ve had to walk away from my partner which has led to him calling me nasty names and saying I’m heartless. I’ve worried there’s been someone else, so my heart breaks for you hearing that. I think try to remember you’ve done all you can to help him and today will be a better day! Try to do something you love – maybe meet one of your best friends this evening, watch your favourite film?

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