[reetab123]

Hey guys.

So glad I came across this forum and I have a platform to reach out to you and try and get some advice.

Me and my partner have been together on and off for three years. In the beginning he lied to me that he worked then I realised soon after that he was infaxt dealing cocain not only that he was using cocain at the weekends. We didn’t see each other a lot due to me having two young children so for around 8 months I wasn’t Aware of how bad things were, around the 8 month mark I introduced him to my two children.

He stayed over a lot more and then after around a year and a half I realised he had a gambling problem however again was kept in the dark about how bad it was at the time he was making a lot of money selling drugs and we had a lavish lifestyle, he bought me lovely gifts he was taking me away nice holidays and things seemed ok till we returned from a holiday and he up and left me for over a week, he soon came back however every now and again he would go away again and each time it got longer and longer the longest he was away without any contact was 5 months when he up and left to go away a boys holiday and never contacted me once therefore I blocked all contact from him. 5 months later we ended up back in the same cycle and from there things have been awful.

He tells me he loves me, he needs me, he can’t see a future without me and the kids. He hates being back at his mums house. However he goes back there on occasions and I don’t hear from him and I know instantly he has taken Cocain, his phone will be switched of during this period.

I have seen some of the worst states he will get himself into when literally his heart is beating out of his chest and his paranoia is so bad he cannot speak he will lock all windows and doors and stair out of the window for 12 hour periods just sniffing cocain in between standing, he will wake me up in the middle of the night by turning the shower on to get himself feeling sober again then wake me to have sex with me while I am asleep.

His paranoia has got so bad he has gone to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and stood with it aimed at my front door thinking someone is going to come for him, he is terrified. Iv seen myself get a bottle of vodka in the am to bring him down off his high and make him drink because sometimes it’s the only way to bring him out of it. I have tried hiding any cocain that he brings to my house and I have requested he not use it while my children are asleep in bed and he still does it.

He’s in no means an aggressive person but I fear for my safety while I sleep incase his paranoia gets the better of him.

He went to a 1:1 meeting and said it was a load of rubbish and didn’t go back, he tried hypnotherapy then decided that put him in a worse mood and decided to use the night after he attended the session,

He is in thousands of pounds worth of debt and I have him 5k to pay some of it off which I later found out by logging into his betting account that he gambled more than half of it in less than 24 hours.

Our sex love has taken a hit and he no longer has the desire to touch me when before we had a great sex life life.

I don’t know why I stay with him, he’s not the guy I want to be with. I feel sorry for what he has become.

He won’t let me speak to his parent because he tells me it will break their hearts. His mother thinks we fall out because he has debt however that’s not the case at all and is in fact due to his rubbish attitude towards me and the insulting things he says to me while he is on a comedown.

He takes cocain currently twice a week sometimes three.

I have tried blocking him on everything I can think of, I have asked his friends and brother to ask him to stay away from Me.

I just don’t know why I don’t have the strength to leave him for good. I care about him deeply and I hate the mess he is in. When I read this back to myself I can see how bad things are and that’s only a fraction of what’s gone on in our relationship.

I want to move on and I’m hoping someone in the same position or who has come through it on here can give me some encouragement it’s the first time i have reached out to anything like this. Please don’t judge me I know I have enabled a lot of what he does.

My family hate him and want better for me they are very supportive in my decisions and back me all the way which I’m truly grateful for.

Il be grateful for any response I get and I will Thankyou in advance.

Thanks so much.

[kel1]

You mention you have two children? I think you need to shift your focus and consider the impact and potential dangers to your children. If he owes alot of money (dealers) they wouldn’t think twice about coming to your house regardless if kids are there or not.

Lavish lifestlye? Did you know he was a dealer while going on your holidays and living this new life? If you did I would urge you to go and get some support yourself and discuss this with your family and friends to gain some perspective here.

He in no way sounds stable enough to be around children end of story.

[stef5555]

I just joined this and am struggling And sounds familiar what you say

[Author]

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