[laura13]

Hi I was with my boyfriend for 2 years then out of the blue on Tuesday 3rd March he ended our relationship. Nothing makes sense he was so loving towards me up until 9.45 that night. He said he still loves me and shouldn’t be dumping me or blanking me but he feel like he’s got split personality as he feels so low with his cociane addiction. He said he was going to sort himself out and get of the drugs as he’s booked some time of work this week. He said about starting a fresh in our relationship when he’s feeling better. He posted my door keys and said not to worry and he meant no harm and to have them back for now. I txt saying I thought it was a sign he was done with me and he replied pretty good aren’t you then blocked me. I’m so heartbroken as I’ve been very supportive trying to help him and when he decides to come clean himself he turns nasty on me and ends our relationship I don’t know what’s happening my heads a mess I love him and not sure wheather he doesn’t want to see me again or if it’s just the drugs and him feeling so low about himself xx

[danman83]

Hiya.. hope your ok.. his reply.. pretty good… sounds a bit weird. Im like your bf and you sound really nice and helped him.

Plus the coke does make u feel so low and he could be thinking.. he doesnt want to hurt you any more. But i could be wrong. Plus he has to want to quit himself and cut all people off to do with coke.

Maybe have a sit down with him and talk and see what he wants. Or if he doesnt and thats it.. and i dont mean to be funny, but you could of had a lucky escape..

[laura13]

Hi I’m struggling as I’ve been there for him I’ve seen him cry and ask for help so tried to support him I just don’t think he was ready himself. He said he’s ready to turn his life around before he looses it all but I can’t get my head around why he ended it with me he did say he’s abused the relationship and I deserve better after how he’s been but I wanted to help him though this hard time but I can’t now and have a future with him. He’s been of work since Friday so said he was doing it to fight for it all and me and then he switched sent me that message about been pretty good and blocked me x

[laura13]

Hi he said he wanted to get of the coke so he’s taken some time of work as he feels like he’s abused our relationship and says it isn’t fair on me the way he’s treated me. He said that he shouldn’t be dumping me or ignoring me but he just feels so low as he’s abusing himself. He did say about starting a fresh when he’s ready if I still have feelings for him but then I received my door keys through the post he said he means no harm and not to worry and to have the back for now as he’s doesn’t feel right holding on to them. I replied saying ok thought it was a sign you were done with me and he’s reply pretty good aren’t you which messed with my head as he said about being together a few hours before that then he blocked my so I’ve no contact with him. I don’t know if it’s so he can concentrate on getting of the coke x

[icarus-trust]

Hi Laura,

I’m sorry to read that you are really confused about your boyfriend’s decisions. If you would like some support for yourself please contact us at The Icarus Trust as we are a charity providing support for people affected by another person’s addiction. We have people you could talk with who have a lot of experience of what you are going through.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[danman83]

Ye that message doesnt make at sence at all. Tbh id rather stay with you and let you help me as well. Im constantly mithering my gf. Take my phone off me fri and sat and other things. But she forgets. I have bought a safe and she has a key and she locks my car keys and phone away at the weekend. I still manage sometimes to get it though. But she dont help when she says just go shop for me. Knowing id prob go get that. But youve done good helping him. He needs a good support around him. And you can tell he wants to stop. His comment on the text could be a bit of reverse phycology… he doesnt want to be mean but he has to be to make you stay away while he sorts himself. But thats just a guess.

Have u spoke to him since then?

[laura13]

No I’ve no way of contacting him and I can’t go to his house. I hope he is doing ok just hard when you don’t know. I can’t help but feel upset because our relationship was good he was honest with me. No lies no bad behaviour he went to work everyday came to see me and my 2 children then this he said he needs to get better so I know it’s something he was serious about he had fighting talk. I Just never thought he would treat me like this xx

[laura13]

I’ve just spoken to his sister she’s said he’s not had any coke and he’s eating better. I hope he does it for himself and when he’s in a better place I hope I hear from him again x

[danman83]

Well that sounds good. You prob will when he feels better. Coke can make u feel really down for weeks. And want to avoid everything.

[laura13]

How does it make you feel she said he’s been helping fill a skip up with his parents but his knackered now. I’ve no idea I’ve never touched drugs so don’t know the withdrawral effects. I’m hoping if he does stay clean when he’s feeling more himself which I’m not sure on the time length he will speak again. If he wasn’t on the drugs I’m sure he wouldn’t have left xx

[hox-26]

I’m sure he wouldn’t have left either.

There are a lot of us in the same boat. Loving, loyal, hardworking husbands and boyfriends then they decide to take coke. They get nasty and say awful things that they wouldn’t have said before, then they leave us. We are left heartbroken and they don’t care anymore.

It is a waiting game now to see if he does what he says he’s going to do and get off the dreaded stuff. Problem is they lie and manipulate. I hope all goes well.

[laura13]

Thanks he’s never been nasty with me just the text to say we was over totally broke my heart. He said he has to get better In himself and he’s making himself worse abusing himself so has taken the steps to change I really hope he does it I miss him and so do my kids xx

[danman83]

Problem with cocaine.. is when you use it it your dopamine levels go through the roof. Just for 20 mins. Then you come crashing down. And have none left. Which causes depression and suicidal thoughts. So you end up wanting more coke. But its never the same as the 1st bit. Your constantly chasing that 1st bit. Dopamine is the natural chemical in our brain that gives us happy thoughts. Cocaine just totally messes with this. And you come crashing down when it wears off. Thats why u can feel down for a week after. It takes a while for the dopamine levels to balance again, as the coke has drained them all. Its one big viscous circle.

[laura13]

Does this mean that he can do stuff physically still like fill a skip like his sister said and he will just feel down and not himself during withdrawral xx

[danman83]

Ye course you can still do everything as normal. Work and that. You will just be feeling mentally down and depressed. Ive know a few people to commit suicide from it. It makes you feel so sad its awful. And i know what you are thinking.. why get it then? And i think the same.

Its like a little devil on your shoulder telling you.. just get one. You will be fine.. you will get up in the morning and go out with your gf.. but when the next day comes all that has gone out the window, with being on a come down.

[laura13]

Yeah he always says the devil’s got a hold of him hoping he’s going to have the willpower and push through it. He says he suffers with depression but I don’t know if it’s the coke that’s made him depressed. His family know but don’t support him like I did and now I’m in the dark I just hope his sister isn’t just telling me stuff. I know he said of his own back he was fighting it from now on so I hope it’s true what she said xx

[laura13]

Hi everyone not been on for a while. My partner moved in with me back in April hes paranoia and anxiety got bad so he moved back home last week. he said he needs to sort himself out he told me hes been prescribed anti depressants now and hes getting clean as its affecting him really bad and he doesn’t want to hurt me or my children. Hes accused me of cheating while he was living with me which isn’t true. We’ve split again and my family phoned the police saying he was abusing me and controlling me which I dont think that but that’s how they see it. He told me he really wants to be clean now if he gets to see me again and wants to meet in a month time. Im so emotional and ive just found out today that I’m pregnant and my family have started with me. HELP!!! I need someone to talk to xxx

[hox-26]

Hi Laura. Not a good situation to find yourself in as it looks like he has not given up the dreaded stuff.

You know the score, lying and paranoia and turning it on you accusing you of cheating. Sorry but he is cheating on you with the cocaine.

If he wants to be clean he will only be able to do it by himself. You cannot help him. You can just be there if he does get clean but not during. Its hard but you have to think of yourself, your children and now your unborn.

[laura13]

hi Hox 26 my family have told me to have an abortion as they said I will struggle and I’m already a single parent to 2 children age 8. I dont belive in abortion but under the circumstances I dont think I have a choice. Its not something I want to do as he wanted a family with me and said he would love to be a dad and that it would give him something to focus on to get of the drugs. Ive not told him about the baby my famlily thinks I shouldn’t as they say he will see things to me so I keep it and then if he carries on using im going to be left with 3 children to look after myself. All if this is such an emotional rollercoster I feel so sad. My family hate him for how he’s been they said to cut him out of my life and move on as I deserve better xxx

[hox-26]

It is understandable your family hating him. They want the best for you and love you.

It is up to you what you do regarding your pregnancy but be totally aware its going to be you alone in this. His relationship is with cocaine not you. He probably did want a family with you but he chose the cocaine. Having a baby will not focus on him getting off the drugs. He should have got off them for you. You should not be second to his unborn baby.

You do deserve better, no one should come second to cocaine.

[laura13]

thanks hun im booked in with a phone consultation on Thursday for an abortion. I havent had time to think about it my famliy think I’m stupid if I keep it so doing what they suggest xx

[hox-26]

You do whats best for you, not him.

Hopefully you will be able to talk to the consultant and decide whats best. This is all about you and your wellbeing.

[louise1505]

Hi I completely relate to U Laura I have 3 children with my now ex and he changed so much wen I fell pregnant with my third his mood swings ga disappearing lies cheating paranoia – he would cry sob tell me he was depressed I had no idea it was coke as I’d never been around it u TIL Xmas he told me !! He then disappeared for four months wen I tried to contact him he’d tell me I was dramatic deluded it was laughable was I was accusing him off he was healthy and to just accept we didn’t work out!! I’m now left with 3 kids and he shows no interest anymore in any of us he barley knows my 2 yr old – I think he’s living with someone older than him that takes coke too so iv heard but he denies it ! We had an arrangement more recently for him to ring kids once a week at a set time he met failing to. Do. It breaks my heart but he does not care and I can’t get it through to him. He was the best dad wen my 7 yr old was born their bond so strong now it’s like my kids don’t exist unless he remembers very rarely . I’m out of hope but so angry he denies it all makes me look crazy – and I’d probably think it too he’s that convincing- but proof to me is lack of interest in the boys it just isn’t who he is !! But wat can I do I don’t even know where he lives anymore !! Iv bought a box of testing strips so wen he does make contact if he does I will make him test before seeing the kids so that will prove it hopefully then I will try. To help him if he allows it at the minute I just can’t reach him and it’s so fustrating x

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