[billie10]

Hi all,

I just want to reach out to anyone in a simialr position as me or also any recovering addicts that are trying to get clean.

I knew my partner did coke occasionally but I only saw the extent of it when I moved in. I’m still wasn’t too bad he would do it every now and then on a weekend or so but he lost his dad in June to cancer and since then he has completely spiralled.

I also found out I was pregnant around then and I’m now 6 months pregnant. He basically kicked me out saying he wanted space and needed time to grieve about 3 months ago, so I’ve been living with my parents.

Since then he has wanted to remain in a relationship and claims he is getting his shit together because he wants to be a family.

I haven’t seen any changes or any effort to rebuild our relationship or begin a life together and now it’s 3 months left till baby comes.

When I was there he would disappear saying he’s going to get smokes but wouldn’t return till early hours in the morning drunk and high. Admitting to it saying he knows he needs help.now I’m not there anymore so I don’t see what he’s doing for sure but I can tell by how he communicates with me on each day.

Horrible things he says, then changing his mood to loving, it’s exhausting.

I just want to ask addicts…. where do they go when they disappear like that? Is he cheating? He says he just drives around alone doing lines, sounds insane.

Also, do they care at all? How could he do this to his pregnant girlfriend? I know it’s the drugs and not to take it to heart but if he does recover will he even feel remorse for his actions? It’s just so heartbreaking

[jaynhissay]

Hi Billie,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I am a recovering addict and I am happy to try and answer any questions you may have about am addicts behaviour etc. Although I obviously cannot speak for your partner the pattern of behaviour of the vast majority of addicts is in my experiences very similar so please feel free to ask any questions you may want an answer to and I’ll do my best to answer them for you

[billie10]

Thanks for your response!

I just want to know if they ever feel any remorse or when/ if they do become clean so they realise how much they hurt people or never do?

I also always just wonder when he goes missing what does he do. He says he just drives around doing lines in the car… it sounds insane to me but could it be true?

[jaynhissay]

When I got clean I really did feel a lot of remorse and guilt about the way I had behaved and the way I had treated people who were close to me. Addiction cost me my relationship with my son’s mum and pretty much every relationship I have had has been ruined by the way I had treated my partner’s during the relationships. I’m extremely lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my son’s mum nowadays she is very supportive of me and my recovery and she didn’t have to be she could of made life really really difficult for me if she so wished but I feel blessed that we have the kind of bond that we do.

Also when I was using I started out using with friends etc but as my addiction escalated I very quickly started using on my own and I preferred it that way to be honest. Obviously I can’t speak for your partner in relation to what he’s getting upto but I would say that it’s not that far fetched for him to be using on his own. I hope this helps in some way shape or form and please feel free to ask me anything you like

[billie10]

Thanks for such a fast response.

That’s great to hear that you have a good relationship with the mother of your son.

It’s just so hard because I don’t want to break up with him as we are having our baby in 3 months but he has become so angry and says such horrible things. As I’m not there with him atm I don’t know if it’s the addiction or just his personality, but the horrible things he says are almost so bad that I don’t think anyone could say them unless they were using.

Can I ask what your addiction was ? And how you recovered from it?

I feel like he doesn’t love me and not sure if he ever did or the drugs have just taken his life. I’m scared to have him around our child at this point but have never been one of those women who would want to keep a child from a father.

[jaynhissay]

It really does sound like you are living a nightmare at the moment. I really do feel for you and I hope you have a support network around you while you’re going through all this.

Over the years I have had an issue with a lot of different substances starting with cannabis and that led me on to amphetamine, exctasy and ketamine I had used cocaine as well when I went on nights out etc but it was in my early 20s when the cocaine became a huge problem for me. I know have a perforated septum basically a big hole in the middle of my nose that led me to be unable to still snort the cocaine and so I progressed onto crack cocaine then finally I started smoking heroin and the crack and heroin are what I fear the most when it comes to relapse.

I still smoke cannabis so I can’t claim to be completely clean and abstinent but it doesn’t have the detrimental effect on my life like the crack and heroin did. I still manage my own business and keep to the responsibilities I am committed to which was almost impossible to do when I was using the class As.

I unfortunately had a breakdown of my mental health and made several attempts at suicide and after a spell on a mental health ward (where believe it or not crack and heroin were still available) I went to rehab in Stockport to get clean and although I have relapsed since leaving rehab the things I learned while I was there are what help to keep me away from class A drugs at the moment. I can quite confidently say that if I were to be offered powder cocaine or any other of the drugs I’ve used before I could refuse them and it wouldn’t be an issue however with the crack and heroin I have to completely remove myself from the people who are involved in any way shape or form with those drugs because I am sure that if I were offered those although I may not have them at the time the mental turmoil it would cause me would be significant and I would possibly end up using again

[s1993ks]

Hi Billie.

I’m in a very similar situation. Me and my partner have been together a year & he also went from being a casual user on weekends to just using cocaine on his own. He also will just drive around whilst using, so I can confirm that this is not out of the ordinary.

Many times I have witnessed him driving around whilst on coke. I’ve learnt that this is due to drug induced psychosis, which can cause severe paranoia so he feels like he constantly needs to be moving because he thinks his being followed.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s took a year of alot of pain & arguments for him to realise he needs help. He is now going to therapy every week & I am in full control of any money that comes into the house. He needs to be willing to change hun or unfortunately it’s going to be the same cycle over and over again.

I hope this helped.

Much love.

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