[busby]

Hi there, I’m new to this forum but have read some of the stories here which are so similar to my own. My partner has struggled with cocaine addiction most of his adult life, we’re very much in love and I’ve supported him by getting him a drug councillor and being non judgemental about his addiction to the point where I think rather than helping him I’m probably making things worse.

He goes off on binges and stays out for days completely ignoring me although I can see him online, it’s so hurtful. I’ve always asked him to be honest and even if he relapses to come home and be safe so I’m not worried out of my mind. He has lied to me on many occasions about using even though its blatantly obvious that he has.

Recently I found messages that he had sent to other girls and I suspect he has cheated on me whilst he’s been on his binges. In spite of everything I have forgave him, he’s sworn that he’s not actually slept with anyone else but I don’t believe that. We agreed to put it behind us and start afresh but even last night I know he had been using.

My problem here is that I don’t know whether I am being foolish to try again and have a future with him or if it’s just going to continue the way it has been as he will think he can get away with it. The addiction isn’t the worst of it, I’ve told him that I understand its an illness and for as long as he continues to take the help for it I will be here for him. The other women is the part that has hurt me most.

I don’t doubt that he loves me and I understand the cycle of his addiction and self loathing for it, I know he feels dreadful that I’m now having to get myself some help because my mental health has suffered so badly. I’m in debt because his wages go on his drug debts and the easy answer is to chuck him out and sort my health and finances out but I can’t bring myself to do that.

Is it pointless to keep trying with him? Am I just delaying the heartbreak for longer or has anyone actually got through similar with their partner and came out the other side? I know the addiction is always going to be there but I don’t think he’s taking enough steps to avoid it, he’s still got his dealers numbers, can’t cut ties with family who use etc.

Thank you for taking the time to read such a lengthy post, I’m just fed up worrying about it all and feel I’ve lost myself a bit here.

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