[chlo]

It’s been a 13 year long battle with my brother. He was just 16 when he tried some coke at a party and before he knew it his life spirelled out of control. I was 10 years old when I got in the car with my heartbroken mum to go and find him after discovering that £2000 was missing from some private funds my father (his step father) had gone missing.He admitted that he was using cocaine regularly and that he took the money bit by bit and was planning on putting it back. Fast forward two years of credit card loans my poor mum took out to feed him and put him in b&b’s hotels ect so he didn’t end up on the street after my dad kicked him out the house.

Me (a child) and my mum would beg him religiously to stop and that we would do anything we could to help, doctors, counselling sessions, drug advisors you name it we did it.

I grew up very quickly and by the time I was 12 I was fully fledged in being able to detect his lies. My dad decided to let him stay home he seemed to be doing a bit better the last few weeks and we went on holiday (without my brother). Half way through the holiday we received a call from police telling my hardworking dad that his life savings of multiple thousands had gone and that he had just £500 left. Heartbroken didn’t cut it, out house was turned upside down he had done some of the most disgusting things possible, I had no clothes at all due to the prostitutes he had over that stole them. I was 12 and they literally stole my clothes and underwear.

My dad didn’t speak to him for 2 years until we fought and fought and got him a 8 month spot in a residential rehab and all I can remember was my mum (who weight about 7 stone at this point and had more wrinkles that McCoy’s crisps) breaking down in the car watching him go, she was relieved and so was I. Rehab was amazing I love visiting my brother was recovered he was so kind and caring and just as he was as a child back in the good days.

He came out and got a job and was working really hard I was so happy. I spent my 15th birthday thinking I was on top of the world as he rejoined the house for the first time in years and gave our dad a hug. I was so unbelievably proud.

I’d spent many many nights worried about not only my brother but my mum and her financial situation she was in thousands of pounds of debt now and there were no savings left as he had taken them all.

He had his first relapse about a year after rehab and we were so gutted, we moved him with my aunt who lived in the countryside and he soon got back on his feet. 2 years passed and he bought his first car, we were so proud. He quickly started to fall back in with the wrong people and when we later moved near my aunt we found out he had lost his job and was back on coke. He ended up in hospital after a month, he had overdosed on coke, alcohol and prescribed medication. We were beside ourselves we didn’t know what to do, we had gone down every avenue imaginable he had been all over the country (literally) starting ‘fresh’ and ended up robbing those who tried to help until it was just me and my mum left. No one wanted to help anymore, he had robbed my grandmother, cousin, Aunty, me, his friends. When addding it up as an approximate figure he has blown nearing £80,000 on coke and hookers and believe me we are not a rich family.

He eventually came home to us for another chance of being clean after being toutured by his relapses and ‘attemps’ At suicide. He was doing okay he got another job, he was being lovely and kind. But no, we tried to go on another holiday, we actually got my cousin to baby sit him for the week but she messaged me on the 2nd day to tell me he has been doing cocaine all over the house, he’d stole a small amount of money off my dad again and took his alcohol. When we got home I forced him to go and see the doctor I begged and pleaded and cried on his shoulder. He was sat on the edge of his bed and I hugged him, I confessed to him I was so scared, so so scared that he was going to die. And so much to my surprise he decided to go to the doctor who admitted him to a mental health hospital. He was in there 2 months but they wouldn’t help, they saw ‘drugs’ on the health record and said exactly this ‘he isn’t Ill, he’s a drug user we cannot diagnose a drug user, it’s not a mental health problem’ I went off my fucking head I begged and pleaded and so did my vacant mother.

They wouldn’t help and so he left and went to live with a friend he has met in the hospital. He started to use heroin and crack and overdosed again on heroin admitting to me at a later date he wanted it all to end he hated himself and he hated his life. I brought him home again after much persuasion to my dad. He came home and agreed reluctantly to try a place called betal which is a charity run help residential help centre (similar to a rehab but Christian based). He went and he ran away, spent a night on the street with a homeless lady and I begged him to go back again, they luckily agreed to let him do this. He spent 2 months there. My mum was so pleased the poor thing, she managed to put on some weight and kind of have some fun although it was never too much fun. He ran off again. Swore he wouldn’t go back saying that he didn’t need to be there he could do this now with our help he was ‘ready’. He came home AGAIN I paid the travel and food money of course…. he was so good he prayed every day and was just different to the other times. We spent an amazing Christmas together all of us as a family happy and laughing thinking it was all over and done and he has learnt his lesson. Well, 4 weeks a go he admitted he had been using again after being clean for 6 months. I was disappointed but obviously not shocked. I forgave him and thought it might be a blip and he agreed to give us his money to look after it so he didn’t blow it up his fucking nose. He had taken £600 from my mum pretending his wages were going in her bank and they actually weren’t he was so convincing when he lied. Which if you are reading this you will know exactly how well addicts lie.

A day later she looked in her purse and her bank card had gone. My grandmother gave my mum £2000 for our dogs knee operation and he had fucking stolen it. After all the money he’s stole and all the money she’s given him he actually went into her purse in the middle of a full house and just took it.

I don’t know where he is or what he is doing and I’m very sad and worried but there comes a point where you have to be really strong and let them be. We have tried everything and if anything ever happened now the guilt of leaving him would stay with me for as long as I live but I’m 22. I spent my childhood mainly looking after my mum and trying to keep the family together somehow and trying to cure a 30 year old mans drug problem. Sometimes you have to let go, sometimes there is nothing more you can do but live in hope that they want to someday change.

I understand you when you feel like no body in the world understands because they DON’T. It’s your story, it’s your pain and there is no right or wrong way of doing things. As you can imagine there is far far more to my story, many more emotions and horrendous situations we have been in (dealers with baseball bats knocking on our front door threatening us, knives to my brothers neck whilst my mum quickly took another loan to pay him off) and I hope I can help anyone else any other poor soul who’s lived through this along the way because it’s hard, really fucking hard.

I live in hope that now that I recover from the pain and confusion I have inside me and that I hear my brother is properly clean. But until then I am prepared for the worst and hopeful for the best. It will end one way or another sadly.

[danman83]

Im so sorry to hear this. Hes done well to quit it for a while with good help. Im suprised he got worse.

Im doing my best to quit coke i hate the stuff i have lapsed afew times this year. I have it about once a month. And i wish i never touched it.

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope your brothers sorts himself out.

[len]

Danman83

Can I please have some of your experiences, my partner is a recovering coke addict and I feel sometimes because I love him so I tend to just take he’s word for thing in the effects of it and what not.

Can u tell me what u go through before a relapse at all? That’s where we r still struggling he will go upto 8 weeks clean then relapse but I need to hear from someone else if possible what goes through your mind before u do actually relapse

Thank you

[danman83]

Yes course.. if he is lapsing say every 2 month. For a start hes doing good. I quit at new year.. didnt touch for 2 month. And my gf said we been invited to a party.. i said plz can we not go and you just stay in with me i dont want get coke.. she said i be fine.. and i got it… i was gutted..

Anyways .. if hes hitting 2 month and hes lapsing.. he must be thinking a few things .. that hes ok now and he can go past these trigger points.. eg.. driving past were he use pick drugs up.. he can have a drink now.. he can go to friends and not use while they use.

The fact is.. 2 and 3 month is a sneaky stage of lapse.. it creeps up on you and your brain is playing games with you making it ok to get it.

My advice is coming up to 6 week..mainly the week he normally lapses.. is he needs to up alertness if you get me. He knows whats coming. May be do a plan for the next 2 week of hobbies or something. Each day write things.. go for walk… meal.. gym.. a book.. decorate..

He and you both know its coming. Hes not going to be ok for another year.. may be longer.. so no matter what.. he is not ok at 8 week if he thinks he is. He needs not to drink any alcohol at all. This is a main trigger.

And you support him as much as he can. If he goes out with friends on that 8 week mark. Say no you are not.

Have you watched louise clarke on you tube on crack cocaine part 123.. get them watched you will learn alot.. and she explains what happens at the 2 month mark and what to do.

Feel free to ask me anything

[len]

Ok so he don’t drink anymore for that reason has had 2 beers since Xmas but the hard part is he is a delivery driver for a supermarket so regularly has to drive in that area.

I have never judged or rowed with him after a relapse I listen and I try to understand, I have stopped him going out a few times also for this reason. We thought maybe if he had a reminder of what he had if he felt a relapse coming it would help so we put a happy family photo as he’s screen saver so that’s what he saw as he went to call dealer but that didn’t work either.

He is coming up to 4 weeks clean again and I can’t help but worry x

[danman83]

Does he use when soba aswell? My opinion from myself.. its hard to explain really.. if ive got my mind set on getting it i will..

If the problem is driving in the area.. maybe look for another job.. i have in the past told dealers. Stop selling it to me it makes me suicidal.. some have. Some havent.

I could have a fam photo but that wouldnt stop.. do you know whats great tho.. tell him download castbox. And theres loads of podcast to listen to.. tell him listen to the alan charles show.. theres about 50 eps so far. He was a coke addict for 24 year! And how he got through it all is amazing. And it helps a great deal listening to people who are a lot worse and how they beat it.. russel brand is on there and he talks about his.

Theres a thing called the 3 Ds.. delay.. distract . Do… so if he gets cravings.. tell himself delay it for 30 mins… distract. Distract it with walking the dog..read a book.. tidy up.. walk.. anything.. and then act on it and do it. This is because cravings last 30 mins..

On a positive note tho.. he is trying . And hes lapsing 6 times ayear. Which isnt every week.

You know and he knows when its happening. Take his money off him at 7 weeks or something.

But just make sure he is only lapsing as he says. We do lie about it lol.

[len]

Yeah mostly when sober tbh.

He sticks to the same dealer mostly who I spoke to and told him that he was killing himself after overdosing and spending the weekend in the hospital he swore he wouldn’t deal to him again but to them it’s a business they couldn’t care less

I have control of all he’s wages now but he’s dealer will give him upto £300 tick so u don’t find out he has relapsed until it needs paying like NOW!

But and he is really good with it and understands I need to have my mind at rest if he is getting a cold or don’t have much of an appetite I do piss test him weekly.

On another note I do have a personal question I’d rather not put on here and know we can’t put phone numbers or anything out so is there another way of me asking u privately do u know?

[danman83]

My email [EMAIL DELETED]

[len]

Emailed u, thank you

[danman83]

Or they delete them quik.. so if you give me a time and a day. Il put it on then you check then lol. Ill check this everyday now lol

[codeine14years]

Sorry posted a message on the wrong thread, couldn’t see an option to delete, so edited my message to this.

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