[turtletime]

Hey people 🙂 I haven’t done this before… but I feel like I need to just say it…

I use cocaine for many reasons, the biggest is it helps my pain (I have sickle cell)

It also calms down my mental health, I’m able to write music & think quite logically when on it… so it traps me every time.

I live in South London and I HATE IT. I’m a young black woman who’s a tomboy, I get abused a lot out on road…. someone always wants to fight me or Rob me. So f**k it…. Just get me some packet & let me be!

I’m very aware of it. Lol. VERY AWARE. But as aware as I am I’m still trapped…. I come off it, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m anti, I’m in pain, just problem after problem. I think I’ve reached 24 and I cant see my future anymore, I know no matter how hard I fight this illness It will progress…. it will continue to mess up mobility and mental so I think unconsciously I’ve given up. I just dont care anymore.. the system gave up on me, the NHS also gave up on me, my career is over(elderly carer)….

But maybe I do care cause I wouldn’t be here…. I could easily ignore it, but I’m no junkie… I’m just very lost right now… 🙁 I wanna be better I do…

[bt1978]

Hello.

Loved reading the post.

First up, what sort of pain we talking here physical or mental?

[turtletime]

Hey 🙂

Both! I have sickle cell that causes severe physical pain

And due to all the opiods n strong medicine I’ve been on from young it has indeed fcked me mentally as well.

Apart from my illness I do suffer from depression, ADHD, other BS that I hate tue label of….

[bt1978]

Ok so multiple things going on here, and I’m sorry to hear about sickle cell too.

Have you reached out to the GP recently to review the meds?

[turtletime]

I have yes, I’ve been long time let down by my GP and MayDay my hospital… Coke is honestly the ONLY thing that genuinely works for my pain….

[Author]

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