[worthless80]

Hi All,

I am here as I do not know where else to turn! Up until a year ago I had never tried recreational drugs other than cannabis, I then hit 38 and randomly craved Cocaine, I then broke both wrists and used it combined with alcohol to ease the pain.

I am female, have a wonderful Husband and children and am disgusted by my behaviour, it feels like I am in self destruct mode. I don’t even enjoy using it. Since the lockdown my use has become more frequent every other day and I only use it if I drink alcohol.

Alcohol has always been my crutch and now it triggers cocaine use.

I wish more than anything that I could go back in time to that first night and never have tried it in the first place. I have not hidden the fact from anyone in fact I have been honest throughout.

I don’t want to be that person I look at in the mirror any longer after a bender. I spent 4 years rebuilding a new me after a breakdown and feel all my work is unravelling. I have a septum perforation which I have told no one about but is worrying me constantly, worry leads to alcohol, alcohol leads to cocaine.

I know what I need to do and that is to simply stop – I just feel so lost. I was once the person who helped others with drug problems and in a year I have turned into that person needing help.

Any advice would be welcomed and recovery stories, I cannot go on like this any longer, my family deserve better and so do I.

Many thanks for listening.

[danman83]

Plus your brain will always trick you into getting coke. This is when u need to keep busy. It will make you cause arguments just as an excuse to get it. This is called emotional relapse. Try and plan ahead. Dont go past any places were you have used coke or picked up off a dealer as this triggers it.

Say for instance you have had coke on a key, and you just see a key lying around weeks later. It will remind you of coke and you will be thinking of it. Its crazy. Do you get support off your husband?

[iamme74]

I am in the same position as you. But I’m completely on my own , completely solitary throughout this lockdown.

I hope you’re ok? Xx

[danman83]

You OK?

[iamme74]

Woah…. when did I post that?

Thank you for asking.

Just woken from a sesh.

I’m like …. ffs I’ve done it again grrrrr ????

Thank you for asking. I had no idea I’d posted on here until I got an email .

[cokehead1]

I get this so much! I use and cause arguments and excuses to use. But I can’t get home without passing my dealers pub. And the smallest trigger sets me off. Despite my best intentions

[iamme74]

Not sure if you’re asking me or the person I was also replying to ????????‍♀️

[lost12]

I am the exact same does your husband help you? I wish I had advise to give you, I try to keep my self busy but I always seem to find excuse to myself to use. Lock down has been awful I was hoping that there would be a drought so I couldn’t get any. I’ve also got a septum perforation and scared it will collapse as it will not heel and don’t know what to do. If I find a way of escaping this nightmare please do share if give anything. Hope you find a way out

[nonamebuthereohelp]

Hi my name is Ben and I am currently addicted to coke for the first time ever and I’m just trying to find someone to relate to with anything please reply and help me out of this addiction, thank you

[worthless80]

Hi Guys,

I am so sorry for not replying – I have only just seen the notifications in my spam box. I thank you all for your advice!

I will be honest there have been changes to my situation, I have cut down my usage etc and have become more sensible (if you can be sensible when on drugs).

Lost12

My Husband is a heavy cannabis user and he will source cocaine for me. Many have blamed him, however, quite simply at the end of the day it is “OUR” choice.

How much and how often do you use it? Do you find alcohol/situations/other drugs trigger? How long have you been using the drug for?

I know that currently this seems like a ‘nightmare’, I believe each path whether good or bad during our lifetimes was meant be for a reason and we will learn from the experience.

Please do come back to me and we can have a chat x

[sarahlockheart]

Hey,

I am similar in situ and very alone in lockdown. I do it when im low and stay up through nights when i know i have things to do. But its easier than facing the mundanity of lockdown life.

Im becoming very insular. It always starts with booze and i will always get it. Even when my inner voice is telling me No!

Its really self destructive.

Im stuck in a very personal shameful cycle.

Nothing is giving me the same buzz.

Help!

[bexdean]

Hi Everyone

Thanks in adv for reading. I am also struggling. I have deleted the dealers number, that was brave. My husband and I used to use occasionally as it would give us the kind of high to chat more and deeply (he doesn’t chat otherwise.. ) and way better intimacy. My habit has now spiralled out of control, he doesn’t know that I have my own little stash, it’s awful, I feel ashamed of myself. I have been doing it very often and sometimes during the day. It sorts me out in a way I can’t describe. I have an addictive personality but I can be days and weeks without touching alcohol. What triggers my thirst for alcohol is coke. If I haven’t got coke, I don’t need a drink. I am worried that I won’t be able to get out of this vicious circle because I feel that without that high and chattiness, it’s all too dull to bear and now with lockdown is worse. He won’t use anymore, we made that promise on nye and we have been rowing constantly. He is unaware that I have. He had a drinking problem though and anger issues, I feel very depressed and I don’t know who to turn to, thank you, it’s been great to know that I am not alone.

[faithnotfear]

Hi bexdean,

I am on the opposite side of what you describe. My husband and i have often used drugs recreationally in the past and always promised we would only ever do them together.

Just over 2 years ago my husband put aside some coke for himself. Since that time his usage increased and our relationship fell apart. At his worst he terrorised me last year. But i still had no idea what he was doing. I knew something was up but it never occurred to me he would betray me in such a horrible way. The truth came out three weeks ago and frankly I’ve had what they would have called a nervous breakdown in the old days.

He is getting past the addiction and im on some serious medication myself now for the shock. This is our chance to save the marriage.

What im getting at us the secrecy and lies are what killed me, not the drug use so much. Though the facts surrounding how much he was doing and where/when are awful too.

I strongly recommend you speak to your partner about how you’re feeling before you get in any deeper.

Good luck xx

[worthless80]

Hi,

I feel I have to reply being the original poster, and my story being the opposite to yours in someways!

My Husband unbeknown to me had an addiction in 2001 (been together since 15, 26 years). There were times I asked “are you okay?” as he did not seem quite right. 2 years on I found out why, more hurtful a family member was supplying it and everyone but me knew!

Strangely I hit 39 and to this day cannot explain why I suggested using it!! My only explanation is that it was a pathway I was meant to take. A pathway that led to me being verbally abused by Husband in ways that can be forgiven but never forgotten. My own Husband and Son hitting me and reporting me to Social Services, when and this is the truth I give my children the most love a Mother could give, I am not perfect yet I was told I was worthless! I did something that I could never have dreamt I would do and that was to have an emotional affair – I laughed and I smiled for hours and for the first time in life (that’s a positive).

I have gained self esteem and for the first time in 40 years felt the feeling of liking which turned into loving myself (not the ego). I have been honest from the start, sometimes I believe this was my biggest mistake, yet I am true. I may still use, yet I aid so many charities by volunteering, help anyone and am not a bad person. 2 modules off of a qualified lawyer and last year passed the first year of my degree. I however have lost many people along the way, those who in the past were huge drug users yet believe the past is the past.

I don’t really know where this is going – all I know is that each of us that have commented have met the hardest part and that is to admit!!

Happy New Year and much love.

Debs xx

[faithnotfear]

I’m not quite sure how to respond to this information.

It does sound a bit like you are justifying your own personal use of drugs, which i do find makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I have used drugs myself (rave generation from 1992 to the present time), but i don’t do charity work. I’m not sure of the relevance. Cocaine in particular is drug that many people use very frequently and still just about function… or they think they are anyway. From the outside looking in, not so much! Trust me on that!

I might also say my husband almost completely destroyed his relationship with his kids because of his obsession to use. He would of course all along have declared how much he loved them, but only now he has a properly clear head can he see how utterly horrible his behaviour was during his active addiction years – he couldn’t see it then and the drug stopped him giving a ***k. He is rebuilding relationships gradually but has wasted precious years getting high – he won’t get them back ya know.

Anyway, i am glad you’re happy with yourself and the direction your life is going though. Your story isn’t his.

I did wonder what you mention about your law degree…do they not insist on drug testing in that type of workplace…or will you cross that bridge when you come to it?

Good luck on your journey wherever it takes you.

[worthless80]

Hi Bex,

Firstly well done for reaching out (hope that does not sound patronising), sometimes it helps massively to put your problems down on paper.

I would love to say that I am changed person, however, I still use although a much lower amount. I am by no means advocating the use of drugs but my journey has had positives as well as negatives.

How much are you doing each day? I must admit I could have a huge rock and would not touch it during the day – mine is a more of a habitual nighttime habit – very much like you I feel that the dullness would be too much too bear. I have been honest with all my family members from the start and have loved and lost a few (sadly hypocrites that were once using constantly). My Dad who is the straightest guy ever simply stated “Debs, when you are ready to stop you will, not when everyone else is telling you too”.

Lockdown has created many drug and alcohol problems in individuals who previously have never relied on them for a crutch so please go easy on yourself. I am here for you if you need me.

Much Love xx

[mini-psychologist]

One thing that might work to destroy a bad habit is to implement the laziness principle. As humans, all of us tend to be lazy most of the time and do what is “easy”. Having a coffee everyday even if you don’t want to is easy because everything is there and it is easy to make. Same goes for the cocaine addiction (most of the time). Try to make it super hard to get your hands on cocaine. Spend more time with your family and maybe even go to therapy and talk about it to a human being that will understand you. Make it so that cocaine is hard to get by different means. Some ideas include giving all your money to your husband so that you need to ask for the money to buy the drugs, don’t drive in a place full of dealers so that you don’t think about having drugs and etc…

[evieb]

To; Bexdean, Sarahlockheart, worthless80, Lost12 & Lamme74

As weird as this may seem, I’m so glad I have come across this chat. I feel the same as you guys. A lot resonates with me. I just don’t know where to start to make that change!x

[worthless80]

Hi Evie

I am glad that you came across this post and have realised that you need to or wish to change. I wish I had the answers for you!

At this time the country and world is such that there is very little face to face support that we can access and I cannot imagine how many people who accessed these services prior are feeling nor how many people have for the first time found themselves relying upon a crutch of some sort. I am hopeful that soon far more help will be available.

If you do not mind me asking how long have you been using, was there a particular reason for starting and how much do you use in a week. All important factors as to how you could begin quitting. I am a firm believer in tapering of any drug – many will disagree! Have you recognised your triggers?

Much Love xx

[worthless80]

Hi Evie

I am glad that you came across this post and have realised that you need to or wish to change. I wish I had the answers for you!

At this time the country and world is such that there is very little face to face support that we can access and I cannot imagine how many people who accessed these services prior are feeling nor how many people have for the first time found themselves relying upon a crutch of some sort. I am hopeful that soon far more help will be available.

If you do not mind me asking how long have you been using, was there a particular reason for starting and how much do you use in a week. All important factors as to how you could begin quitting. I am a firm believer in tapering of any drug – many will disagree! Have you recognised your triggers?

Much Love xx

[evieb]

Thank you for your reply. I’ve never spoken about this to anyone other than my partner who also has had/sometimes still does, struggle with the same thing.

I had never touched anything other than alcohol until 6 (ish) years ago when at 27years old, with my partner, we started to dabble just recreational, very few & far between nights, only really on a hotel night away &/or at most a ‘proper out out night’. We went through a tough temporary separation (he cheated, but not as black & white as that, but would take too long to explain that) 2 years ago which we are now great & have worked at repairing that a lot , but I think that’s when unintentionally I had the ‘f**k it mentally’ of why not, along with a mental struggle due to my mum going through several cancer diagnosis, treatments, surgeries etc. I had a bit of a breakdown & although so much of the above mentioned is far better… it’s just become such a normal set habit/routine but I do not want to be this person!!X

[worthless80]

d j m c a b e 36 aol uk

missing sections obviously x

[evieb]

Thank you. I think I cracked it & have just reached out.x

[evieb]

@wothless80….. I didn’t crack it! ????

Maybe try the other way round if you don’t mind:

E v i e

Blake

yahoo

com

????

[faithnotfear]

Hi Nirvana,

Difficult though it is for me to read your story, i also hold some sympathy with your situation. I feel from what you read that you know you are not on a good path.

My husband thought he was coping fine but really everything around him was falling apart and the drugs and drink blinded him to the truth.

I won’t lecture you on the obvious fact of how very wrong it is to have large amounts of drugs in the house with your children, and use them when they are at home. You know you risk losing them if the authorities found out.

All i can suggest is that if you’re really looking for a way out then please try getting in touch with CAUK. That’s cocaine anonymous. They will not judge you and it’s down to them that my husband got clean and has turned things around.

From what you say you want out and i wish you all the best with that.

I have to say thought it’s the lying that has hurt me most about my own personal situation, so i advise you to find a way to tell the truth to your husband.

[faithnotfear]

hi ben, i strongly recommend you contact cocaine anonymous uk. the hardest part is realising things are out of control and you have clearly done that. it might seem impossible to believe but they really can help, and will. good luck.

[lou37]

This thread rings so true with me! Anyone still in same boat? I’m the addict and I hate myself

[faithnotfear]

hi lou, you can regain your aelf esteem i promise you. It is a long hard road, but every step is important. Please try contacting Cocaine Anonymous UK. They will welcome you and get you on the road of recovery. My husband gave ul on life but 10 months on he is living proof there is a different way of living. You can do it too. Good luck.

[faithnotfear]

sorry for the typos!

[lou37]

So tonight after 13 weeks I’ve ended up back on it! My husband has gone out with a friend and I’ve ended up getting some of that. I don’t know why at all?? Isn’t it odd how something triggers in your brain after all this time. I’m absolutely gutted

[worthless80]

Hi Lou,

I am sorry for the delay in replying, it still amazes me when the post is bought back up!

I wish I could say to you that I am clean yet I am truthful and have had major setbacks with my marriage, being arrested (very out of character), yet at the same time these negatives have made me self reflect.

Firstly and not to sound condescending well done on 13 weeks!! 4 days for me is an achievement. I like you do not know why I started nor why I continue to do it – I gain no satisfaction as such, it is simply triggers. I attempt to go straight and watch a film – then boom the drug is being abused big style in the film – trigger! Sounds ridiculous I know.

Please do not be gutted with yourself – for 13 weeks you abstained from using it. This is a blip not a relapse – a relapse would be you going back to your former use (I am unsure of what that is), tomorrow is a new day.

I would love to give you a hug xx

Much Love Debs x

[worthless80]

Hi Lou,

I am sorry for the delay in replying, it still amazes me when the post is bought back up!

I wish I could say to you that I am clean yet I am truthful and have had major setbacks with my marriage, being arrested (very out of character), yet at the same time these negatives have made me self reflect.

Firstly and not to sound condescending well done on 13 weeks!! 4 days for me is an achievement. I like you do not know why I started nor why I continue to do it – I gain no satisfaction as such, it is simply triggers. I attempt to go straight and watch a film – then boom the drug is being abused big style in the film – trigger! Sounds ridiculous I know.

Please do not be gutted with yourself – for 13 weeks you abstained from using it. This is a blip not a relapse – a relapse would be you going back to your former use (I am unsure of what that is), tomorrow is a new day.

I would love to give you a hug xx

Much Love Debs x

[cockapoo2]

I know I’m so far behind with this, but your story is exactly the same as mine. However no one knows that I use. Since working from home I’m using pretty much every day. I’m starting to get a whistle in my nose which I know it’s my septum but even this isn’t enough to stop me. I feel like I’m killing myself and I don’t know how to stop!

[faithnotfear]

Have you tried making contact with Cocaine Anonymous UK? They are open 24/7 and can help you get on the right track, if you’re willing to let them.

Good luck.

[worthless80]

Hi Hunnie,

I hope you are okay? Firstly, people do know now you have admitted to us, that is a big step in admitting or trying to gain an understanding of the position you are in and trying to change your ways.

I have to ask to be able to better understand, how long have you been using, how much each day, do you have any inkling of why you use – other than addiction?

Hopefully you will answer and we can chat.

All my love and best wishes.

Debs x

[faithnotfear]

debs.. you have come on to a forum specifically here to support people like me … people who are greatly hurt and have had our lives wrecked by a loved one’s drug use…. you originally come here to complain of how your drug use is affecting you and then use it as a launchpad to boast how great you’re doing on cocaine…. and then even imply that as so many are using this drug it’s perfectly acceptable and people like me have no business grumbling!

yes, i candidly admitted to using drugs recreationally and occasionally for 3 decades. i did so to give you the simple context that i have no beef with drug users generally speaking. i drink wine frequently and am not an alcoholic. i have smoked a cigarette on occasion and am not addicted to nicotine. i am not an addict and i do not have a substance use disorder of any type. i am the wife of a recovering cocaine addict who loves me and bitterly regrets his actions.

you make a whole series of unfounded, unfair and ridiculous personal attacks on me… some of your rantings make a little sense but in many ways you are speaking to an invisible enemy rather than me, as much of what you say is unrelated to anything i said, think or even feel.

it seems as if the drugs are affecting your judgement, as I’m afraid this is absolutely and completely typical behaviour of someone in your situation!

i suggest you read through the forum guidelines and check whether your postings are really appropriate for this place.. i think you will find they are not.

And you can keep your love and luck thanks!

[cockapoo2]

I suppose I have used recreationally since my 20’s (now early 40’s) only within the last 12 months it’s escalated into a couple of times a week. Mainly due to working from home, boredom in my life, I found it helped with stress from my teenager daughters & quite a controlling husband.. I feel I’m getting to a point where it’s my normal feeling that helps me cope with every day life.

I’ve currently got a perforated septum which is causing me now end of pain & sinus headache & pressure. But somehow it’s not enough for me to stop. Currently I can get through about 3 grams every over week. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right platform to discuss all this, but I didn’t have anywhere else to turn.

[cockapoo2]

Can you talk on the phone to them rather than face to face? I deny that I have a problem but that’s the first sign of addiction isn’t it. There is something in my life that I’m not happy about that’s a trigger for me… but have two very healthy loveable girls a husband dog good career and a lovely house! So why am I on self district mode?

[cockapoo2]

Can you talk on the phone to them rather than face to face? I deny that I have a problem but that’s the first sign of addiction isn’t it. There is something in my life that I’m not happy about that’s a trigger for me… but have two very healthy loveable children a husband dog good career and a lovely house! So why am I on self district mode?

[faithnotfear]

yes you can make contact by telephone and then they can help you find a way forwards.

there are meetings all the time online, as well as regular face to face.. you don’t even have to speak or put your camera on.. just listen in at first and see how you feel.

my husband was in denial right to the bitter end and didn’t think he was doing any harm etc, but deep down he knew he was and when i found out everything fell into place as it’s not easy living with someone who is continually taking this drug.

i should also say ca is completely 100% confidential so you don’t need to worry about everyone finding out.

i wish you luck as it’s a difficult situation you have got into but there is a way out.

[jinn54]

Hi i wanted to ask can someone be on cocaine and dabble?

[faithnotfear]

hi jinn

it is of course possible to use drugs recreationally, and not become an addict… in the exact same way a person can enjoy alcohol or gambling etc without becoming addicted.

pretty much anyone can lose control of a particular vice and fall into addiction, certain substances (cocaine/crack cocaine/nicotine) are considered highly addictive though.

a lot of addicts say they are completely in control, despite fulfilling all the criteria to consider them an addict, denial allows them to carry on their destructive actions and they often believe it themselves.

does that make sense?

[worthless80]

Hi FaithNotFear

I am hope you are well. I was due to reply to your last comment to my post however was lost for words at your words!

How can you say that drugs can be used recreationally i.e. for fun yet call me out for a learning pathway?

Your idea of certain substances being highly addictive causes me issues, it seem’s you left off that two glasses every night wine with dinner, pharmaceutical drugs, cannabis (oh yes, cannabis).

Get rid of the “addict” and perhaps use the word substance user! I struggle you see to understand why you have a tendency to post on my post designed to ask for help, yet turned around with others asking for help. I am a substance user of much, caffiene, sugar, artifical sweeteners, cocaine, nicotine etc.

If you cannot give positive advice go and assist you Husband please x

[cockapoo2]

Can anyone share their stories regarding health issues and cocaine abuse…

[worthless80]

Hi Cockapoo,

I hope you are okay? Your question is a little difficult to answer, and I know it can be difficult but I guess you are possibly experiencing issues with use or someone close to you is.

I myself firstly began to use more frequently as a pain reliever when I broke both wrists, refusing opiate based pain killers. People seem to forget that codeine, tramadol etc. are infact opiate based and not far in make up to heroin.

Health issues; I have lost weight – from 17 stone to 12 stone – yet in being an issue is also a blessing as my knee and hip problems have gone due to the weight loss.

I drink more alcohol as that has always been my crutch – that is now my trigger – cocaine and alcohol – one can not be consumed without the other – a dangerous combination.

I will take a battering here – yes I use cocaine, no I do not abuse it, I am pretty much done with the pathway, I have learnt what I needed to and walked in the shoes of an individual who felt drugs were the best way to go. No, they are not, I know that now and will be able to take my understanding and empathy with me to assist other drug users.

I know it may be hard for you to write, however can you give a little more background, I may find it easier to answer your question then.

Much Love

Debs x

[faithnotfear]

hi cockapoo2

i feel compelled to reply to you despite the hostile comments between worthless and i..

this is a forum for people affected by another person’s drug use rather than a place for drug users to obtain help. however it is difficult to ignore a genuine cry for help.

i see you ask about health issues relating to cocaine use. there are many and you can easily frighten yourself by googling them. my husband used to do that a lot when in active addiction. obviously the nose can be damaged, as can the heart and liver, increased risks of strokes and heart attacks. potential link to parkinsons. permanent damage to the brain. mental health issues, suicide. possible death by overdose or the body just giving up. however not all of these are certain, it depends on amounts, frequency, durations and overall duration of habit, as well as your own personal health. my husband used for 2.5 years and seems to have no permanent ill effects, despite nearly dying from it, alone, in the dark, on multiple occasions. lucky man!

you’ve expressed a desire to stop and i do suggest ca – it doesn’t work for everyone but it can do wonders. there are other ways. I’m sure worthless can advise!

i did pick up that you are completely alone in doing this. my husband was the same – only he knew the cause of the daily problems this habit was creating in this family. i can’t tell you strongly enough how much he wishes he’d told me sooner. i feel the same. when the addiction was in the dark it ruled him. once the truth started coming out we could deal with it together. i would totally recommend talking to someone in your life about this problem.

good luck x

[cockapoo2]

Thanks for your reply and advice, i really appreciate it. Sorry if I have used the incorrect platform

[faithnotfear]

hey that’s okay… I’d rather you ask for help in the wrong place than not at all xx

i can identify with a lot of what you said about how you ended up where you did anyway… I’m 46 and have been deeply involved in the underground music scene since i was 17 and drugs are everywhere. I’ve been a parent since 18 though and had to stick to a lot of boundaries to keep safe and to keep my kids safe as well.

i don’t know personally what it’s like to be stuck inside that circle of addiction, only what my husband said and how glad he is to be out of it. it sounds horrible.

he saw a private surgeon about his nose a couple of times and was assured that no permanent damage was done – he had been convinced it was all collapsing.

again it’s not my place to advise but are you able to cut down/leave it for a few days? some people need rehab to get off this stuff! it’s very difficult to do all alone xxx

[worthless80]

Hi All

I hope you had a fab Xmas and the New Year is even better for you all!

I hate to be negative upon these sites – however for the benefit and her not quite sure how to respond to my information I posted, here goes;

In response to point number one in your comments that ” You feel a little uncomfortable that I seem to be justifying my drug use” I guess I am a little uncomfortable with the fact that I did not need to justify it, life takes you on pathways for a reason and therefore as mentioned I both negative and postives learnt from it! I am not at all comfortable with your comments!

Now I don’t doubt that when smokers, wine drinkers who drink each night over an evening meal or individuals who use pharmaceutical medicatons feel it perfectly acceptable. Why is that – is it because it is legal? There lays my problem drugs such as benzos and tramadol – some of the most addictive and dangerous drugs out there – yet, don’t worry they were prescribed. Equally I am even more uncomfortable with the fact that you state you recreationally used (unsure if abused) drugs on the rave scene from 1992 till today. Well good on you – I myself had far too many responsibilities to consider using drugs for fun!

Point number two that you made that cocaine users just about function! Please particularly on my post do not discriminate any one, and attempt to place every drug user in the same category. I myself have 4 children, I might add very intelligent, non drinking, non drug using teenagers. Yes, I am two modules away from passing as a lawyer, however in someways due to judgemental individuals such as yourself and the injustice of the judicial ‘justice’ system in the UK – would rather quit than preach or listen to senior judicial members, police authority etc. who use drugs themselves! Google high functioning drug users!

With regards to your Husband nearly destroying his relationship with his kids I can only assume he told them the truth and hopefully you did not? I am only gathering or speaking in the tone you seem to – that you were not supportive – I also can only assume he must have been violent/vindictive etc. for people who truly cared would have understood – if not then I absolutely get why he did not give a *uc*, this being to block out the individuals who placed guilt trips (a known cause for more drug use) etc. If he was simply using drugs and others disliked the fact then he has not lost anyone of importance when they ditched him.

Your comment relating to “you are glad I am happy with myself”, happy/unhappy, lessons learnt – I am I – I guess ask yourself are you happy with ‘you’. I am a giver despite being a drug user, volunteer as I mentioned, study to eventually assist with drug addiction, grew as an individual (not always a nice one, self reflection though is a very valid learning tool).

Finally I did not mention a law degree however as a person who is ‘coping just about’, bringing up 4 children, gaining the highest award status in health and social care, overcoming a nervous breakdown that dropped me to my knees (prior to any drug use), due to a miscarriage, cradling my 50 year old Mother-in-Law whilst she died in my arms from a brain anuerism, the list does go on but I will not bore you, returning to study law in my recovery period and passing every single exam and finally studying a degree in psychology from home, with the first year past! I must be one of the lucky ones I guess!

Drug test! Coming from a user or ex-user and I guess my really answer or question to you is – what gives you the right as an ex-user to dictate in the way in which you did to me (or is it you do not understand the tones that words can take?) I assume it is due to this reason as your illiteracy is not the greatest (I apologise for that comment), but guess what that is what it feels like to be judge before you hear a person’s story!!

Good luck on your story – do you ever wonder why your Husband would wish to blot you out by his use of drugs – to be honest am I am a caring person I see his point!

Good luck on your pathway – I truly hope that you can enlighten, not judge and not advocate services that typically use religion or occult similar meetings to lull the addict into a security that they believe they have been saved. News flash darling – firstly you tell me how a person can be addicted to a drug that when hitting the UK is generally 10% pure, psychological addiction ’tis all in the case of cocaine, yes this is coming from an individual who has based on her own decision tapered from many ‘wonder drugs’ benzos presribed by inadeqaute GP’s – lost many friends to drug use, yet it’s not use in their case ‘abuse’.

Lost for words, all I can say is please halt commenting on my post if you have nothing positive to say then to direct individuals to services whilst sounding like a condescending, hypocritical (you must know the saying ‘people in glass houses’ etc.

It would be very interesting to know your age, how many children, job title etc.

Much Love and Luck

[cockapoo2]

Ah thanks for your reply.

Yes I need a couple of days break just for my own sanity at the moment. I’m just in this vicious circle, the thing is I know I will be ok without it.

[cockapoo2]

Ah thanks for your reply.

Yes I need a couple of days break just for my own sanity at the moment. I’m just in this vicious circle, the thing is I know I will be ok without it.

[cockapoo2]

Ah thanks for your reply.

Yes I need a couple of days break just for my own sanity at the moment. I’m just in this vicious circle, the thing is I know I will be ok without it.

[faithnotfear]

you’re stronger than you think xxx

my husband didn’t think he could stop, he tried, he went round and round the circle driving himself insane… then he got caught and everything crashed in on him and the cycle got broken like a mirror being smashed.

[cockapoo2]

When I get found out is when I loose everything. But again still doesn’t stop me.

It’s like a break back to 20 year old me and not mum and wife! I was a young mum and wife too. I do just feel lost

[faithnotfear]

wow! my husband could have written exactly what Jamesb just wrote! he felt he had crossed that line into no man’s land and as far as he was concerned everything was past saving….by keeping it quiet he was holding off the inevitable… but yep! he got caught… i didn’t at that point know if the marriage could survive but i could only view him as a human that I loved, who was suffering. i put him in touch with ca immediately and he turned it round.

i wish he’d had the courage to come to me before he got caught, and so does he. he was afraid that everyone he loved would turn their backs on him. thing was we all knew there was something wrong with him… we just didn’t know what on earth was going on! everything fell into place when the truth started coming out – i was literally kicking myself as looking back it was bloody obvious!

i appreciate you might not have an easy relationship but if he loves you and the kids surely he will see as i did – the best thing to do is give the suffering addict the space to try and get better.

if you really cannot speak to him, speaking to a friend/family member/ca will likely be the most courageous and best thing you can do.

ca really do wonders for so many people, yes… it is spiritual (god of your own understanding- could be Christian/muslim/mother nature/the universe/father xmas/anything)… but they are so supportive and welcoming, and they are all recovering from addictions so understand like nobody else can.

as for recovering your own self by taking the drug, that’s an illusion – and it’s making you ill! bloody hell… my husband has a whole new lease of life since stopping… everything feels great! food tastes good again! sleep is sweet and precious! he barely slept for 2 years! there is so much life to be had after active addiction.

if you want out it is possible xx

[obsidian]

Can I please ask how you are doing now, I know this is an old post but I can relate so much. I really hope you’re feeling better xx

[AlanGarrett]

<span style=”font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;” data-sheets-value=”{"1":2,"2":"The main thing is not to blame yourself, everyone has the right to make a mistake, it’s better to let your husband take you to a specialist, only then you can overcome drug addiction."}” data-sheets-userformat=”{"2":371457,"3":{"1":0},"11":4,"12":0,"14":{"1":2,"2":0},"16":10,"18":1,"19":0,"21":0}”>The main thing is not to blame yourself, everyone has the right to make a mistake, it’s better to let your husband take you to a specialist, only then you can overcome drug addiction.</span>

[AlanGarrett]

The main thing is not to blame yourself, everyone has the right to make a mistake, it’s better to let your husband take you to a specialist, only then you can overcome drug addiction.

[AlanGarrett]

<span style=”font-size: 13px; color: #000000; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family: ‘Arial’; text-decoration-skip-ink: none;”>Firstly, I recommend that you stop blaming yourself, a lot of people stumble and there is nothing to worry about. Secondly, it seems to me that you need to urgently contact a specialist to help you. My girlfriend had a similar situation. Her husband noticed that something was wrong with his wife, found a professional interventionist website. My friend went through treatment and managed to stop using drugs. So before it’s too late, go to a specialist!</span>

[Author]

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