Cocaine addiction. Let's talk

This topic has 18 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by Ahurtwife.

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- February 25, 2023 at 2:44 am #32665
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi everyone, hope you’re all keeping as well as can be.
 
 I haven’t been aa active on here as I’d like to have been and I’m sorry if I’ve missed any of you replying to previous posts or asking advice. I guess I have been taking time to figure my own stuff out and I try to be as honest as possible on here so when I’ve been struggling I don’t feel I’m in a position to give advice or tell anyone else what to do.
 
 I’m back on the night shifts and feeling positive so I guess what I’m saying is I’m all ears.
 
 Are you struggling with addiction yourself and need to talk or are you the loved one of an addict and have questions you want answers to?
 
 If so, leave a comment and I’ll do my best to support you in any way I can. Or if you’re an long time member and currently doing well but like coming on and reading the posts let’s hear some success stories too!
 
 This forum saved me. I remember coming on and reading all of Danmans posts and I’ll always be indebted to its members and the community we have built here.
 
 Ask anything and I’m sure everyone will jump in and do their best
 
 Keep strong everyone
 
 James x
- February 25, 2023 at 9:44 pm #32666
 
 paw_x
 Participant
 
 Hi James,
 
 I wanted to ask about the consciousness of addict’s decisions when they’re relapsing. My partner has admitted relapsing 3 times in the last 8 months or so. It’s likely he’s been using almost the entire time but he just didn’t want to admit it for long periods of time. I would constantly ask if he was okay or struggling as we were making huge decisions (buying a house with a big mortgage so I kept saying if you think this will be a problem you need to tell me and we can back out etc.), but he kept saying it was being sorted and he was fine. What I want to know is did he believe this was true and just lost control or was he lying to be able to keep using even though he knew it would come crashing down? I know I’m not an addict so it would be good to have it explained from that perspective?
 
 Thank you x
- February 26, 2023 at 4:58 am #32667
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi mate, thank you for commenting and asking this. I must start by saying as I always do. I am not a professional and anything I say is just an opinion and I can’t tell you for sure what the truth Is but only offer my assumption and of course I do not know your partner so this will be solely based on my own personal experience.
 
 This is a really hard one to answer because there is so many variables to consider but this is actually very close to home so I’ll go with the assumption your partner felt similarly to myself.
 
 As an addict although it can consume your entire life it’s important to know that the person is still in there somewhere. What I mean by that is that the person you loved still existed with all of his good morals and loving nature along side the addict part of himself that was destructive.
 
 An addict will hold on to the part of themselves that is still “good” with everything they can because to admit to themselves how bad things have gotten can be terrifying.
 
 The fact your partner admitted on a few occasions he relapsed means that he is fully aware that you know the situation and you are monitoring it. I had spells when I was really low and I wanted to tell my partner absolutely everything in the hope that it would in a way force recovery but then within 24 hours that would pass and I’d want to hide or down play the addiction as much as possible again in order to be able to continue.
 
 Imagine you are him, he genuinely loves you. The “honest” part of him wants to be the man he promised you he would be and give you all the things he said he would just like the house / mortgage you mentioned and all the happy ending stuff we all aspire to. He knows he is capable of it but he just needs to keep himself off the gear so he can do that. It’s is a dream to him. An ideal. Something he longs for and really wants more than anything because to him that life with a nice house, no drugs etc would be amazing and free.
 
 But the unfortunate truth is that it really isn’t that simple. The cravings start and that voice that starts so small begins to speak to him and tell him he wants to get on it. He may tell himself “only a little bit, I’ll still save x amount of money” or “I’ll do it tonight then don’t for the rest of the month” and there comes the addiction taking control of his ability to control himself and he gets on it. Once that starts all rationalisation goes out the window and he may find himself in the middle of a full blown relapse having spent all his money, having let you down and back to square one.
 
 When the next day you ask him if everything is okay and he tells you it is and that it’s under control. They won’t be be lying to you. It’s actually him lying to himself trying to convince himself he can somehow make things okay Because the last thing he wants to do is let you down because he genuinely meant he wants to do these things with you and can’t bring himself to acknowledge that he has messed up again. The changes to his brain and way of thinking due to addiction won’t allow him to process the guilt and the shame because that would start to build a case for him to stop his habit and addiction once it has you will not want to let you go.
 
 So I guess what I’m saying is, he more than likely wasn’t lying to you about his want and desire to commit to the mortgage and other life choices with you but as he didn’t have control of his addiction he was unable to fulfill his promises and that you may look like empty promises or lies.
 
 Until he really has control of the addiction he will not be in a position to commit to anything because when the addiction is on control he really is not even in the pilot seat of his own mind and body. He will do things, say things and act in ways that he never would sober and that isn’t because he is a bad person or that he thinks it’s okay. It’s because he at times isn’t able to stop himself.
 
 The sad thing is that after the binge or heavy night he will eventually wake up again and be himself and when he comes back around to reality he is left to deal with the destruction the addicted him has caused and it will always be easier to try and convince you he is okay than to admit things as the person who did those things isn’t the same man he believes he is. The addict him and the real him are so contrasting that he could never admit that he did those things.
 
 I hope that make sense on some way and please feel free to ask more if I’ve not answered everything you want to know.
 
 The last thing I would say and this is general advice if you are getting as serious as to buying houses together etc is to try and find the route of his addiction. The reason why he uses and how for him it tipped over from the fun recreational use to the dark side he know faces. You also need to draw a line in the sand at some point and safeguard yourself by taking a stance of “I need you to really try with recovery or I need to move on”.
 
 You clearly love him and want to commit your life and future to him with this mortgage etc but If he isn’t able or willing to do what he needs to do his side then it will never end well for you and you could end up wasting years of your life or huge amounts of your money on someone who won’t put the effort in for you.
 
 Right I think I’ve said everything I wanted to. Again let me know if you have more questions.
 
 Stay strong. And sending both him and you love.
 
 James x
- February 26, 2023 at 12:15 pm #32669
 
 paw_x
 Participant
 
 Thanks so much James. It can just be so hard to get your head around how someone can betray you repeatedly but you made it make so much sense there.
 
 We bought the house, and then just a month and a half later he announced the most recent relapse, so it’s so much more devastating now as I feel like I can’t just back out or run away to protect my own mental health. It felt – to me – almost like he’s done this so I couldn’t leave the relationship as easily as I might have before, but your explanation of how he might have been feeling was really helpful to understand why he made the choices he did. He’s now away to a rehab clinic for two weeks and when he comes out I’ll probably still need a lot of time and space to see whether he’s really serious this time.
 
 Sober, he’s my soulmate, my everything. The most wonderful man. But there’s just so much to weigh up when that other side to him is destroying you inside.
 
 Thanks again for your time and advice, it really is invaluable x
- February 26, 2023 at 2:23 pm #32670
 
 thistim3
 Participant
 
 Thank you James for your insight. I have a question. Why do you suppose some addicts will cheat on their partner – and some addicts will not and never cheat? While many of the behaviors and stories are so similar there is this difference. And, also many addicts will be verbally abusive who never were before the drugs, and some addicts will even be violent. Why are some addicts violent (who never were before) and some addicts who are never violent and could never be violent.
 - February 27, 2023 at 2:52 am #32672
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi Tim, hope your good mate.
 
 Actually that’s a great question and a good topic that I think is worth talking about.
 
 I’ll be honest though, I don’t think I can give my opinion as strongly as I do on some other topics because I fall into the categorie of never would cheat, and not physically violent but If I’m honest I dont think there’s an addict out there that hasn’t at some point been verbally abusive to some extent at a point especially when for example trying to deflect guilt or blame when confronted and that includes me. I’ll give you my theories though.
 
 The cheating thing, I think if we are honest, everyone has urges or fantasies or what ever you want to call it. I think that’s only natural as we are all human. For example you may fancy someone at work and think “I’d love to get with him/her” but would never act on it because you have strong morals and would never cheat but as we know with cocaine addiction alot of the time when using the drug causes a person to ignore their morals on order for them to be continuing on the first place. what that on mind I think it comes down to next is if you’re the kind of person who has it in them to cheat or not”. I think the cocaine can lower the resistance of a person’s morals but in order to actually go through with cheating surely they are prepared to take a harmless fantasy and turn it into reality. I do think people cheat when on cocaine who wouldn’t sober but those people wanted to cheat anyway but just couldn’t bring themselves to do it. I personally could never do it and no amount of gear (and believe me I used to get through it) would be able to sway me.
 
 I think the same thing applies to physical violence. I don’t think doing cocaine makes a peaceful man violent. More that a person who would want to react to some things with violence but would resist due to their morals and conscience would be more likely to act in violence because the loss of those things when using.
 
 Verbal abuse, obviously there are many forms of this but for me, I have said things to my partner that I can not believe have left my mouth when I was at my worst. Mostly when arguing and being confronted or questioned about drugs. I never meant any of the things I said and to be honest I don’t even know where they came from. It again comes back to the addition being in control of a person’s mind and body. The addict could never allow themselves to be the bad party so automatically as a defence mechanism the addiction takes control and fires back with abuse and sometimes disgusting things to hurt the person in front of them who is challenging them.
 
 What’s your thoughts on it? Would like to know what everyone else thinks because this is a big topic when dealing with addiction
 
 Stay strong everyone
 
 James x
- February 26, 2023 at 10:34 pm #32671
 Whiswalk
 Participant
 1. Hi I’m new to this forum. Our 30 year old son is an drug addict, it’s got so bad now. My hubby can’t mentally cope anymore with him. He was close to him and has unintentionally been enabling him. I could see what he was doing but if I commented it ended in big rows. We are a strong middle aged couple with 35 years marriage. One son died 6 years ago today of drug overdose, his brother. He was just 23. See adopted the two of them aged 2 and 3. We are a hard working family and the boys were brought up well went off the rails at 13 and 14. Life has been, and still us hell. We have tried for many years to support him but he just used and abuses us. What can we do? I do worried about my hubby, our sone persecutes himm daily for money. Any advice gratefully received.
 - March 11, 2023 at 4:07 am #32753
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi whiswalk, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and I’m sorry for the loss of your son.
 
 I’ll do my best to advice but as always I’m not a professional and I can only go on what I’ve been through with my own personal addiction but in your case I will actually base this response around someone I know who also suffers with cocaine addiction. This person is also adopted and by a fairly middle class wealthy family who before their son’s issues had no experience with cocaine addiction.
 
 The reason I mention their wealth is because you said about your husband enabling him. I’m assuming you mean your son is able to convince your husband to give him money.
 
 The fact you and your husband have adopted says to me that you are very loving and giving people. The reason you adopted I’m sure is because you ultimately wanted to give your son’s a good life. Being a giving person is a trait that will be deeply imbedded in a person and because of that, even though your husband may know deep down that giving him money is not the right thing to do. Being that kind of man he will find it hard to say no as he will pride himself on giving his son anything he needs. Your husband too, without experience of drugs may choose to block out the knowledge of the money is probably for drugs because he, to himself, is doing a good thing and helping his son. Accepting the idea it’s for drugs would almost be like accepting he “failed” as when he adopted a child he only had the intention of raising him on the way he sees as “right” and addiction was never part of that. Please let me tell you know, neither of your son’s addiction is your failing and is not on any way a reflection of the way you raised them or their upbringing with you. But knowing there is always a way to obtain money for cocaine takes away the obstacle that alot of addicts face due to the high cost of it and he may play on your husband’s generosity to feed his use.
 
 There is many studies that state addiction can be hereditary and being adopted I’m not sure how much about their parents.
 
 That being said I believe addiction is more to do with situation like I often say.
 
 I myself am 31 so am a similar age to your son so I can hopefully ask some relevant questions.
 
 Firstly, what are his friends like? Often drug use starts with friends around late teens to early 20s but can unfortunately in some cases escalate where a person either uses the drug in a way to self medicate issues they may have or sometime if can be as simple as they like using and want to use more and more.
 
 Knowing if he is in a group of “lads” who get “on it” all the time will help to see if it’s a lifestyle thing or something deeper.
 
 There is the possibility though the addiction is linked to masking emotions. The guy, lost his brother and that is something that anyone would struggle to deal with. There is also the adoption side of it. Of course it isn’t any of my business but does he know he is adopted? Does he know his blood parents? Does he know why he ended up in adoption? All of these things may be weighing heavily on his mind and using cocaine is often a way of escaping emotional pain.
 
 My advise is to speak to your husband firstly, maybe even show him this post and some of my other posts and let your husband realise the damage drop feeding him money could be causing.
 
 Talk to your son and again show him some of my posts where I talk about all the heart break it caused me because I’m probably just like him, same age, “about it” and there’s not much about “getting on it” I don’t know about.
 
 Let him know that you will support him but not his addiction.
 
 Ask him what kind of life he wants to live because it may not of happend to him yet but slowly and surely cocaine will take everything from you and the fact you are so heart broken is saying he is already destroying your relationship with him.
 
 I’m sure he is a great guy and please understand the way he treats your husband is more than likely the addiction and not him.
 
 Ask him if he would be interested in attending CA as they have meetings locally all over the country and are the best thing he could ever do to start recovery.
 
 Stay strong and feel free to ask my anything else I may have missed.
 
 James x
- February 28, 2023 at 3:29 am #32674
 
 AnonJ
 Participant
 
 Hi James and other family members here,
 This is my first time writing, in a desperate attempt to find a family / partners group and see what others might be going through, because none of my friends can ever understand this.
 
 My partner has a cocaine addiction, even though sometimes he would not admit it.
 He had a few relapses in the past months, some more difficult than others. 
 
 We have not been together for too long and I am trying to find my way around this, as someone said here earlier- he is my soulmate when he is sober, but when the addiction takes over it is always a source of pain and agony.
 
 I have made some good and bad decisions while trying to support him through binges, yet somehow they all felt like they were wrong. 
 I am naturally a Self-sacrificing type person and I can not stand aside and watch him burn his life to the ground, but sometimes I fear I am also not setting enough boundaries – for him, for me, in the worry he might leave because I might be harsh.
 
 The situation that usually unfolds is he will disappear for a couple of days, then while still high text me and apologize but then try to continue normal conversation- until he is able to sleep. 
 I worry if I behave as if things are normal while he’s high – it’ll normalize the use , but if I decide to not allow normal conversation to continue- I demonize it and make him hide it from me. 
 
 I hope this question makes sense and is not too broad, basically would love to hear how others have dealt with their partners during their binges. 
 
 Thank you for sharing, just reading through the forum here has been quite useful.
 
 J
 - February 28, 2023 at 3:38 am #32675
 
 AnonJ
 Participant
 
 Seems like something went surly wrong with this comment I shall try again below 🙂
 
 Hi James and other family members here,
 This is my first time writing, in a desperate attempt to find a family / partners group and see what others might be going through, because none of my friends can ever understand this.
 
 My partner has a cocaine addiction, even though sometimes he would not admit it.
 He had a few relapses in the past months, some more difficult than others. 
 We have not been together for too long and I am trying to find my way around this, as someone said here earlier- he is my soulmate when he is sober, but when the addiction takes over it is always a source of pain and agony.
 
 I have made some good and bad decisions while trying to support him through binges, yet somehow they all felt like they were wrong. I am naturally a Self-sacrificing type person and I can not stand aside and watch him burn his life to the ground, but sometimes I fear I am also not setting enough boundaries – for him, for me, in the worry he might leave because I might be harsh.
 
 The situation that usually unfolds is he will disappear for a couple of days, then while still high text me and apologize but then try to continue normal conversation- until he is able to sleep.
 I worry if I behave as if things are normal while he’s high – it’ll normalize the use , but if I decide to not allow normal conversation to continue- I demonize it and make him hide it from me.
 
 i hope this question makes sense and is not too broad, basically would love to hear how others have dealt with their partners during their binges.
 
 
 Thank you for sharing, just reading through the forum here has been quite useful.
 J
- March 8, 2023 at 10:47 am #32732
 
 thistim3
 Participant
 
 Hi JuliaA – In most cases, it will not matter what you say or do. This kind of thinking is co-dependent behavior. Nobody can control an addict. The drug changes their brain, changes their person, changes their behaviors, to the point that you will not even know them. They will become something else that will not care about the people that love them the most. Including their own infant children. Including their own self. Even if they quit this drug, they might never be who they were before.
 - March 8, 2023 at 7:34 pm #32737
 
 cap50
 Participant
 
 This is so hard to read. I’m no longer with my addict other half and it’s a really difficult thing to come to terms with that they will never pick you. It’s really hard walking away from someone that you love and you want to help 🙁
- March 10, 2023 at 3:55 pm #32744
 
 mlmcarthur1900
 Participant
 
 James,
 I am feeling very lost. My boyfriend of 4 years’ dad, we’ll call him “Steve”, has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately. About a year and a half ago he went in and was told his liver is failing due to alcoholism and that without a transplant he wouldn’t have too many years left. He has not had a transplant. To our knowledge he has stopped drinking, but we don’t believe everything he tells us. He has gone in many times since and seemingly unplanned (as though these are not appointments set up in advance to check in, but rather that he is having to suddenly go in unexpectedly a lot). He has a dog that my boyfriend and I often end up responsible for while he is gone. On Thursday, I get a call from Steve that he is back in the hospital and that I need to stop by and care for the dog while he isn’t home. I did, and I found a plate of cocaine in his microwave. He has a history with cocaine- my boyfriend caught him a couple times in high school. We have suspicions that he never fully quit or that he has at least relapsed before now and it had gone unnoticed. If he doesn’t care for himself, we are very concerned that he will be in prison or dead by 2024. Steve doesn’t speak with his mother or father much at all, I don’t know how much either of them even know about his situation. I discussed with my boyfriend and his brother (we will call his brother “Noah”) the night I found his cocaine. Noah has a history of alcoholism as well and overdosed on pills in high school. My boyfriend is the one who found him and alerted the police. Addiction is heartbreakingly reoccurring in their family. Noah is adamant that an intervention of any kind will cause Steve to hate us and will not help. I reminded Noah that if they have spoken to him on multiple occasions before with no success, simply talking to him and saying the same things probably won’t change a whole lot. Noah is also adamant that I am not involved with talking with Steve because he feels the conversation will go better amongst Steve and his two sons. I absolutely do not want to interfere in their family matters. With this being said, I’ve been a part of the family for years now and Steve reached out to lean on me as much as his children at this point. I worry that the two boys are not enough support and that it is a burden to great for two young men to deal with alone. My boyfriend agrees that the initial conversation should be between them, but that my involvement is welcome after that. Neither of them want to involve Steve’s parents or their mother (who is divorced from Steve, but still the mother of his kids) At this point, I’m honestly just helpless. I’m unsure of how to be a good support system for my boyfriend and his brother. I have already been struggling deeply with my own mental health and I feel inadequate to deal with the situation. I of course want to be an available support system to Steve without making him feel accused or betrayed by his children. But I really can’t bear to see my boyfriend watch his dad kill himself. There is part of me that wants to protect my boyfriend and do anything in my power to better things to his benefit, regardless of how it effects Steve. I think it is terribly unfair to my boyfriend that he has had to grow up so soon and be the “parent” of his family. He has seen so much addiction and suffering and we’re only 22. I don’t really know where to go from here, or where even to start. As it stands today, Steve doesn’t yet know that we know about his relapse. The boys plan on speaking with him tomorrow. If not anything else, I really just need a friendly voice to tell me I’m not alone and that all hope doesn’t need to be lost. Things are not looking good. I wish you absolutely all of the best and I thank you sincerely for even taking the time to read this. Stay strong and stay well. Best wishes,
 Maddie
- March 11, 2023 at 2:44 am #32751
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi Julia and whiswalk
 
 Sorry I haven’t been on here the last few days, works been super busy so I apologise for not getting back to you. I will do tomorrow but just came on and saw a post I want to reply to. Please don’t take offence or feel that I value some people over others because I still find it crazy that people on here value my advice and I am massively grateful for that but this particular post is very close to home so I’m going to reply to that now before I get some sleep. Maybe some of my response may be relevant to you also I hope but for now, Stay strong and I’ll get back to you both tomorrow.
 
 James x
- March 11, 2023 at 3:19 am #32752
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi Maddie
 
 Firstly I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know that it must be hard for you especially not knowing how involved you should be getting right now but we’ll done on finding the forum and the fact you’re trying to educate yourself to better support your boyfriend and his family really speaks volumes.
 
 Firstly, as always. I need to make it clear I am not a professional. I am only a guy who has suffered cocaine addiction himself to what I consider to be “as bad as it gets or very close to” meaning that I can share in my opinion the darkest truths of what addiction is like and what on my experiences an addicts thought process could be.
 
 I will say though it sounds like your situation will require professional help for your boyfriend’s dad but I’ll do my best to give you something to start with.
 
 Addiction, I believe is never a choice. No one decided to be an addict. But I do believe it is more often than not a by product of situation. Meaning situations in someone’s life leads them to become addicted. I saw alot. Paracetamol is a drug. If you have a headache you take a paracetamol. Cocaine is a drug. If you have emotional pain or trauma it works just like any prescription drug and takes your pain away. The same can be said for alcohol. If you have an infection in your tooth and only take pain killers, the pain will go for a short while but the infection is still there and the pain wil continue until you treat the route of the issue, much like how drugs and alcohol make the pain go away but the next day the issues are still there.
 
 I believe drugs and alcohol are never the real issue with a person, just their coping mechanism (although they do create their own problems) and if you look past the addiction and treat the cause of why a person takes these things it will give them the best chance of overcoming their addiction.
 
 I say this because I’m going to make some assumptions. Steve as we call him. What is his life like? To me it sounds like he lives alone. What is his relationship with his son’s like? Why did his marriage break down? It sounds to me that he has lost a great deal. Maybe when he was married he had reasons his alcohol consumption became an issue I don’t know but I’ll guess that that was a factor in the breakdown of his marriage. He now finds himself single and alone and continued to drink because it numbed him and it was his vice to deal with his emotional pain. Then he is told about the liver etc, knowing he can’t drink or shouldn’t he may of turned to cocaine as a substitute aswell as drinking smaller amounts because he still requires the need to numb his feelings. This man sounds to me like he is lonely and carries alot of issues he needs to resolve but like so many others it’s easier to mask the real issues with drink or drugs.
 
 I do agree, a big intervention may seem patronising to him especially coming from people who don’t understand drink or drugs. There’s a huge division between the way these things are convinced by people who have never had an issue (and it seems like a huge thing to be doing cocaine) and those who are familiar with it (and see it as everyone does a bit of gear what’s the problem).
 
 My advice to you is to be kind, non judgemental and gentle in your approach but ultimately allow your partner and his brother to take the lead but at the same time support your boyfriend and make sure he is not fooled by his dad who may try to brush it all off and play it down.
 
 Like you are doing, try and educate yourself and your boyfriend as much as you can on addiction and use that knowledge to better understand what Steve is doing.
 
 But the main thing I feel that needs to be addressed is the reason Steve is still using and drinking and what you all can do to help with that. Maybe it’s spending more time with him, if.his son is 22 he will be at an age where he is starting his own life and his dad may feel unimportant. As a man, imagine getting married, having children working hard for that “family life” but in your 40s or 50s ending up divorced, living alone and your children not needing you anymore. You’d have to ask yourself what your purpose is anymore!?
 
 Do all you can to support your boyfriend and listen to him when he needs you too but also concentrate on your own health and make sure that you and your boyfriend know that you can only advise Steve because ultimately he is the one who needs to want to recover.
 
 Please also seek professional opinions on this as I am not doctor but maybe your boyfriend speaking to the doctors at the hospital or their families GP may be an idea.
 
 If nothing is done then I fear once he is back home the cycle with continue.
 
 I hope what I said helps and is relevant. Sometimes when I start typing I go off topic but please feel free to ask anything more you want to know or need help with.
 
 Stay strong and wish you and your boyfriend all the best
 
 James x
- March 12, 2023 at 11:34 pm #32765
 
 daniel1994
 Participant
 
 How did you do it I try and try and try, like I know I can go without it as I just been a week without it and Saturday was my night of so Got on it and still on it now.
 
 I just can’t seem to get past a week, a week goes by and I start needing it but when I get on it I’m up for min two nights like now and even longer sometimes.
 
 I spent close to £8000 since December which I got in November as a payout for an accident but wasted it all on this shir and escorts
 
 Hospital said if I carry on its going to end up killing me I got diagnosed wit chronic pancreatitis last month because or the binges I go on.
 - March 13, 2023 at 8:40 pm #32769
 
 jamesb
 Participant
 
 Hi man, I hope you’re alright.
 
 Honestly I wish I could give you a straight answer.
 
 I was the same, I wasn’t at one point spending £200 a day on a 3.5 sniffing all day and going home, eating dinner and making an excuse to go back out and carry on sniffing. It was insane. I wanted so bad to quit but I couldn’t get past a few days. I did t know what was wrong with me because I genuinely wanted to stop more than anything when I was on it I’d spend hours looking at this forum or watching YouTube videos trying to find a solution.
 
 I went to a few meetings and although I encourage everyone to try them, they wasn’t for me. I found I didn’t believe alot of the people in the room but honestly bro if you haven’t tried CA then please give that a go.
 
 If I’m honest, I think I got to the point where my Mrs had left me, everyone else around me was buying houses settling down growing up and I was still trying to keep my head about water and getting on it every day and I just asked myself is this the life I want to live. Not seeing my daughter, not being respected by my friends. And I was able to slow right down. Then I realised the days I was off it where so much better than the days I was on it. I started to feel again, I had emotions and then one day I kind of said right well I’m only doing a 1.75 a week now on a Saturday and the rest of the week I’m good so why bother with the 1.75. of course it’s not that simple but I managed to be clean now for around 6months but this time I feel different, I feel like it was my choice and not me being force into it or pretending to do it because I had been caught out and secretly having no intention of quitting.
 
 My advice mate, find your happiness outside of the gear. Give yourself a reason to fight the urge. It can be anything. The money, the health aspect, a relationship, anything but you need to have something to draw on when it gets tough because we both know after a few days how your head will think of nothing else other than getting on it.
 
 If I can do it bro, you can too believe me I was a right mess and I’m not saying I’m a saint but I’m much better person than I was a year ago.
 
 I’m always here if you want to chat mate but definitely look up your local ca meetings and if you have a close pal to talk to then try open up to them for some support too.
 
 Stay strong man, you got this
 
 James x
- March 14, 2023 at 12:32 pm #32777
 
 thistim3
 Participant
 
 My addict told me that I gave him an ultimatum – either he quit or I was leaving with our kids. The weird thing is that I don’t remember saying that – out loud. I remember feeling that and thinking about it to the point of even making a plan of how to get away from him. He did quit all those years ago, but I think it was more of a combination of several events that helped him do that.
 
 My ultimatum after I finally confronted him after about 5 years what he was doing (coke – I didn’t know),
 
 I told his parents,
 
 his counselor that he was seeing died from a drug overdose,
 
 his guilt/shame,
 
 and probably he was just not wanting to do it anymore. It had run it’s course.
 
 Keep quiting until you quit forever.
- April 2, 2023 at 6:26 pm #34960
 
 Ahurtwife
 Participant
 
 Hiya
 
 Soo can someone help me?? I found out 3 months ago that my husband has been taking Cocaine, it seems alot. As tge months have gone on it appears he is known for it in his old local pub, and many people are not surprised. He doesn’t know I have told them. There are major financial issues and it now seems as if I have enabled his addiction by nit ‘forcing’ him to financially contribute to our house/family, but believed him when he has said he has had no money.
 
 I have asked him repeatedly get help, he won’t, I have asked him to go, he won’t. The mood swings are becoming out of control. The paranoia is ridiculous, at one point he thought my neighbour had a contract out on my life??
 
 So, what do I do, I actually can’t take any more and the children are also suffering???
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Cocaine addiction. Let’s talk