[jaz051]

Hello everyone!

I am 21yr from slovenia europe. I use cocaine for past 4 years every weekend and in big amounts usualy from friday night till sunday morning and then was not able to sleep for whole day so getting sleep just on saturday was something regular to me. I am now one month clean and its hell i have really bad depression and suicide thoughts i really dont know how to go further in my life. I want to ask people who go thrue same situation- when will i feell better? It really can take one year before i get my feelings and emotion back? I fell so bad i can not describe. I do not crave cocaine just dont see any light in my life its just emptines. Thanks for your help and support.

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Everyone here has a loved one with addiction and also people in recovery who give good advice and support.

Congratulations on being clean for one month! That is a great achievement and you should be very proud of yourself.

My son is in early recovery, he is 29 and been fighting addiction for 10years or more.

If you go to ‘share your story ‘ and read Danman83 posts, he is a person in recovery and gives good advice. From what I know, it is normal to have these negative thoughts on a comedown from cocaine. It is an evil drug that tricks the brain.

The best thing my son did was join the CA meetings. You have support and advice and work through the 12 steps program to stay clean. Sometimes this can work just as well as rehab.

This has been the only thing that has worked for my son. You have people there who understand your situation and talk you through recovery.

Keep in touch here, tell someone close to you your problem. This is hard thing to face alone, especially as you are so young.

Take care of yourself

Lx

[jaz051]

Hello!

Thanks for your reply it means a lot to me. Yeah i try to stay positive but is very hard because i just feel useless. I have around 8k debt too i own to bank because my habit which i can pay off in 2022 and than start saving and getting my shit together because i am young i think- i can have beautiful life if i really stop now or disaster if i keep doing it(i have really bad suicide thoughts when i comming down from cocaine every time i use it) so i am scared i will harm myself if i dont quit. Thanks again and good day!

[lindyloo]

You’re welcome, Jaz, keep posting here and let us know that how you are doing.

Look for a local Cocaine Anonymous group or do online meetings with them. They are very supportive and it will help you to be the best you can be.

Take care, sending you much love ❤

Lx

[jaz051]

Hello everyone!

So i am really sorry to write that but i relapse on the same day i write this topic. I am so ashamed and fell down. I snort 5 grams again in two days with plenty of alcohol. I jutr cant get my cravings that day under control and i call the dealer. I thinking about going into reto center in spain for one year but dont really know how because i still have loans around 8k euros. We will see what will come out of this situation but i think i cant do it myself

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz, I feel bad for you. But there is no point in punishing yourself.

I know you really want to get clean and that is the first step to recovery.

Please join a Cocaine anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous group. These people will support you and give you help and advice to help deal with the cravings.

Stay strong Jaz and please don’t give up.

Sending hugs to you

Lx

[jaz051]

Hello!

So its day 3 clean again. I fell good today and i am motivated for starting again. I forgive myself and i will go further i delete all numbers and contact from…. I will update weekly how my jurney going. I am just really scared of withdrawal symptoms again i knoe how horrible it was. Paranoia and not seeing any light in life is something that put me down the most. Hope i will be okay. Thank you again bye bye

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz, so happy to hear that you are 3 days clean! You have to celebrate these successes.

Take every minute, hour and day at a time.

I know Danman83 says he starts the day with meditation, so does my son, he said it resets your brain.

It is very important that you register for CA meetings even online would be better than nothing, my friend. At least you have others who can support you going through the more difficult stages of withdrawal.

Please don’t let this evil drug beat you, be strong ????.

I will keep you in my prayers Jaz.

Keep in touch here too.

Lx ❤

[jaz051]

Hello!

So its almost two weeks again and i feel great seriou

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz,

Congratulations, you have done so well. I feel proud for you!

Stay strong my friend, I will keep you I my prayers.

Stay in touch, each day, each week you will see improvements in your health and mind.

Take care of yourself, stay in touch,

Lx

[jaz051]

Hello!

So today its 3 weeks sober again i fell good hitting gym and sauna every day really help to get my cravings under control 🙂 i like to stay busy so i dont really think about drug. When cravings come usually takes for a minute or two so its nothing serious but is intense i must say that it is. I just remember the good filing of cocaine but then think about all bad that comes with it and it go away. I pray everyday too it helps very much. Hope you are good all and for everyone who struggle i must say you can do it. Thanks bye????

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz, so good to hear from you!

That is FANTASTIC news – you have done so well, you should be very proud of yourself ???? ????.

I’m so pleased for you my friend, I also find that prayer has got me through some difficult times with my son. More recently I pray that he gets the strength to get through the difficult days, I also pray for us all here on this Forum ????.

God bless you stay strong ????

Lx ❤

[jaz051]

Hello everyone.

I am sad again because i relapse again on friday 12.11.2021. I was again exactly one month sober till this date and i just feel bad. I was on a little party with co workers and i was telling myself all day before party that i cant drink nothing-not even one drink because i know myself (one drink is than two and then is cocaine…) but i dont know why i did it-it was just that bored feeling when i was near everyone who was drinking just i was sober… So i drink one beer then another and after third i ofcourse get that strong cocaine craving. One good things is i just took 0.5 gram what is not really what i do because i always thinking that it will run out tok fast. I must say i feel bad but if i look at other side i do better than last time so at one point i am a bit proud of myself because i can stop and didt snort 5gs again. I know it sound stupid but its a lot for me because i never ever snort that little always big amounts. So i dont really feel so depressed now 3 days later i fell okay. Hope god give me power to overcome this shit. I will pray for all of you thanks. Jaz

[lindyloo]

Hi Jaz

I’m so sorry I missed your last post on 15th November. Yes, it’s sad to hear that you had a relapse,but my son also has had relapses.

My son had to stay away from his drinking friends, as the alcohol triggers the need for cocaine. He cannot have any alcohol now.

His main friendship group are the CA and AA fellowship. He has to do meetings regularly or things go bad for him.

3 weeks clean is fantastic!

Can you seek advice from them- they do online meetings 24/7.

Can you explain to your work that you have mental health issues? It might save your job.

My son also had large debts but he’s managed to consolidate it and manage it better.

Please do not give up hope Jaz. I pray that things will improve for you.

Have faith and stay strong my friend. ❤

Lx

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