[bailey33]

I relate to so many stories on this thread it’s mind blowing.

Not sure where to start… so around 5 years ago I became aware my partner of 14 years (4 kids together) started using cocaine. To my knowledge it was on and off in the beginning. Four years ago I applied to university to start a career, which I’m due to start very soon. Studying with kids isn’t easy but I can’t help to think I was so engrossed in my course, kids, housework… the list goes on, that I failed to see overtime how bad his addiction was getting. Could I of stopped it sooner? Doubt it! But you blame yourself don’t you. At least that’s what he constantly reminded me. I’m not showing him attention. But in reality who wants to have sex with someone that’s breathing like a hog through their cocaine filled nose, let’s not forget the jaw! (Sorry if it sounds heartless, it infuriates me)

Anyway I think lockdown really brought it to attention and admit to myself he’s addicted to this shit. He never used to drink alcohol either but that just comes hand in hand with coke.

I could probably count on my hand how many times he’s stayed out because he’s too intoxicated to come home over the last year or so but it’s not acceptable. I wouldn’t do it.

So In September it was our sons birthday he stayed out Friday sniffing and drinking with his brother and his gf (both coke addicts). Saturday came and I stupidly thought he’s probably picking up our sons big present for the next day and sorting other bits out. 4pm came and he rings…. Drunk…. Asking me to pick him up. I was crying and shaking! That was it, I packed his things and dropped them to his brothers.

He stayed away for around 2 weeks. Then came home promising to change and stop.

When he came home it was like I fell in love with him all over again. I’d missed him.

I bought drug tests from Amazon. He hasn’t been able to give me one negative test yet. He sniffed last night and a few other days in the week.

Everyone in his life sniffs!! He’s got one true friend with his head screwed on. His work mates sniff, family, friends. He won’t escape it!

He does work.. and hard! There has been times though he’s not been able to get out of bed because he’s been ‘on it’ the night before and hasn’t gone in. He thinks because he provides and works it gives him the right to sniff coke and have a drink.

Not sure what to do to be honest. Can’t see it ending anytime soon. Just so fed up. I tell myself I’ll mentally switch off from the relationship and ignore what he’s doing and it will be easier to split but it angers me so much that this shits got a hold of him and he’s choosing it over us every time he snorts it up his nose.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. It’s good to have somewhere to vent.

[emjay]

I really relate to you!

My husband is a cocaine addict. I’ve been battling his addiction with him for over a decade.

It never stops. There is a pattern. He used to vanish for 4 days to 2 weeks. Then there’s the lies, excuses, financial impact, the list is endless.

I kicked him out and now put my children and myself first.

This addict is cruel and I hear very little recovery success.

I told my story on here a while back. It really helps, but also helped me make my decision.

Him, his true love cocaine or get my life back! I chose me now!

Good luck. Good luck with your new career x

[bailey33]

Thank you for your reply Emjay.

A decade 🙁 how did you cope with it? What was the final straw for you? He makes out he doesn’t pay for it. I don’t actually see money being spent on it from his bank but what dealer/friend is going to constantly just give it away. He thinks because he doesn’t pay for it, it’s okay. I care about his health not the money.

He took his sister to see their dad tonight as it’s his birthday then rang me an hour ago saying he’s had a drink but not sniff can I pick him up. I told him no and to stay where he is.

I don’t want this life. My children deserve better.

Thank you ????

[emjay]

My mental health was my final straw. Plus my 11 year old being left alone with her younger siblings and told to lie. It’s abuse!

You can not fix him. You need to concentrate on you and those children.

It’s so hard, he may be successful in his recovery. In my experience he would need to stay sober from all substance and alcohol! Alcohol is a huge trigger for alot (not all) cocaine addicts.

My husband used to have a secret account, but most dealers take credit… what you can’t see is usually a red flag. He also used to pay for work colleagues lunch, petrol in exchange for cash.

Not sure if you can get on to my original post, but if can… you will see why I chose me and my babies now.

Please stay strong, always put you and your kids first. Xx

[bailey33]

I have just been reading through your previous posts. My troubles seem so small compared to what you’ve been through. You seem so strong and courageous.

There’s so much you say I relate too. I also feel like my mental health is declining. Checking surfaces in my kitchen all the time. Checking pockets. Looking for texts on his phone relating to drugs. Wondering what he’s doing in another room all the time. I hate it. It’s not me.

I won’t contact him tonight or tomorrow. I’ll let him get on with it. Hopefully I will sleep.

Thank you. I will try. Take care xx

[emjay]

Bless you. Do what’s best for you. Its very hard not to worry or give in when you love a person. Sleep is essential for you to cope.

Maybe you are still a little bit in denial… cocaine addiction and the impacts on their loved ones is destroying. We all just deal with it the best way we can.

I hid my husbands addiction and the true impacts for years. I lied to myself the damage he had done to us as a family. I am stronger, but I’m not sure I will ever recover from what his addiction has done to me as a person.

I know I’m happier not dealing with it! I’m sad losing the man I loved so much. But he became the addict more than my husband.

I refuse him access to the kids if he shows up (when he remembers) with any symptoms. I also request a drug test everytime. He refuses most occasions and doesn’t come. I never tell the kids if he’s due to visit and to be honest they never ask for him. (When he was clean, he was a decent Dad).

All 4 have said they like it better with him not here. There’s no atmosphere, no erratic mood swings. I don’t even feel as lonely as I did when he was here.

I’m not blamed or called names or attacked. I sleep a bit better.

Please remember you are being impacted by his addiction, so your journey is no easier than mine or anyone else’s. Your just dealing with it your way.

Sleep! Rest! Look after you xx

[bailey33]

Hi Emjay

He’s took his stuff and gone.

He said he works, got a pay rise this week, if he wants to go out Friday and do whatever he can. (It’s not just Friday tho)

I said your an addict. He said so what.

I start my job tomorrow. My anxiety is explosive today. My stomach hasn’t stopped churning. Hope your okay? X

[icarus-trust]

Thankyou for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that your partner’s addiction is causing you so much anxiety. That must be so hard for you and it’s good that you have found this forum so you can see that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

I work for a charity called Icarus Trust who support families dealing with addiction so you might want to get in touch with us. We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends who would talk with you and let you know what other help we could give.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[emjay]

Oh Bailey 33 I hope that you are ok?

How are you feeling? Did he return?

I hope your new job is going well and the kids are also OK.

Big hugs and much love.

[bailey33]

Hi Emjay

No he’s been back and forth to see the kids. He’s just vile when he hasn’t had that and not when he has.

I had nothing but good intentions for him. I actually feel sad for him now more than anything.

Kids are good. The house is peaceful. I love my job. Hope your okay?

Xx

[emjay]

I’m pleased that you and the kids are ok. Having a job you love will help. I’m so pleased you started work, it sounds like you worked hard to even be free to do this job!

Well…. the comedown’s are reality. The ok, over the top person is the addict; over compensating.

You sound like you have hit a point of progress for your acceptance of his addiction. Sadness is better than pity or trying to fix him. He isn’t quite ready to even work on himself.

Stay positive. You have your kids, work will occupy you and hopefully rebuild your confidence and open new opportunities for you for future goals and friendships.

Make sure you rest and make happy memories with those little ones. Xx

[emjay]

How are things?

[Author]

Posts