[rani123]

Hi guys just wanted some support and advice from you . What do you think I should do with ?

My husband who Iv been married to 2years now and been with 6 years in total is an cocaine addict .. I didn’t know anything about this until 13 months ago . We moved in together 2years ago with my two sons from my previous marriage and it has been hell since . My husband becomes very violent and abusive and we are constantly arguing due to financial difficulties.

I was doing fine on my own until he arrived in my house . I have got myself in to a lot of debt because of him .. he got me in his charms and sweet words to pawn in my assets to survive and even take loans out on my name for him as he is blacklisted and jobless. I work full time and pay all the bills myself but recently his drug addiction has got worse. He stays out late even days with his friends sniffing cocaine and drinking. Now I’m getting evicted from my house due to not keeping up with my mortgage payments . My health is getting worse and worse because of his addiction . He is demanding money constantly and manipulating me and making me feel guilty for not supporting him in his hard times . I stuck my him because I thought I could help him but now I’m losing the will to live . Can you please advise me if I should leave him now or give him another chance?

[rani123]

Has anyone else been In a situation like this in a relationship with an addict

[administrator]

Hi Rani

Thanks for sharing your story and we’re very sorry to hear of your situation with your husband which sounds really difficult.

We’re really sorry to hear that your husband can be violent towards you. For information and advice you can phone the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. This line is free and confidential and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you ever feel you are in immediate danger you should ring 999.

It’s important that families affected by someone else’s substance use receive support in their own right. You can find a map of support groups for families affected by someone else’s substance use on our website: https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/search-for-local-support

Please do get in touch with Adfam at admin@adfam.org.uk if you had any further questions about other services you might be able to contact.

Best wishes,

Adfam

[rani123]

Thank you ???????? have been in contact with the police .

[georgia26]

hi rani,

yes and the answer to your question is leave him, he wont change..

he will promise you he will but if its got to the stage where he is in denial and abusive – walk or youll continue this awful cycle.

go get mentally well and sort yourself out, honestly that man you married is gone – drugs take away all of the good things about a person and hes obviously in so deep.

walk away, let him get on with it, dont let this ruin your life too you deserve better than this

he will promise you time and time again and drugs will come first no matter what, when they are blinded by their addiction its a complete waste of your time as you will be left to pick up the pieces xxx

[rani123]

Thanx for your advice much appreciated but can I ask you something personal have you ever been in a similar situation as mine .living with a drug addict .

[stillhopeful2019]

Hi rani123. I have left my husband of 13 years. We have 2 children. He was drinking regularly and more recently started taking cocaine and smoking weed. He kept letting us down. He spent money we didnt have and we are overdrawn. He wasnt working properly. A few hours here and there. He tried to control it but every friday and/or saturday, u could almost guarantee he would go out with his friends and stay out late, come back out of it and then disturb us. I finally had enough and have left him but said if he gets help then he can join us. It’s been 8 weeks now and he still hasnt reached out for help. Says he will but drags it on. He has had a few relapses too. I have given him a year, if no change/ improvement then its divorce for us. Jus wanted to say thanks for sharing, not a nice thing to be going through. Having kids in the situation does make things harder but I have learnt boundaries are so important otherwise they carry on taking advantage.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Rani

I’m so sorry to read your post and to see what a difficult time you are having. I’m so glad that you have phoned the police to get help.

If you would like some more support from people who would understand what you are dealing with then you might want to contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are living with the affects of an addictive partner. We have trained and experienced people you could talk with if you contact us.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you.

[hox]

You cannot help him, he needs to help himself. He is an addict and will lie and manipulate to get what he wants, cocaine.

It looks like he as taken everything from you. Your health, your home, everything and he’s still not happy. He wants you to support him through his hard times. What about your hard times?

It looks like nothing matters other than the drink and the coke and you there to support him with the money he needs to buy it.

Be good to yourself.

[rani123]

Hox you are right

[georgia26]

Hox is right….. sadly you cannot help him, his drug and alcohol use comes first, which is hard to accept but its the truth, that comes first before anything – youll get all the sorrys in the world but youll always be let down by it, believe me – get rid before you get seriously ill yourself by the stress x

[rani123]

Thank you guys .. I don’t have any friends to talk to about this and I wouldn’t even dare to speak about this matter to my family ..

I’m actually missing him today . I ended up ringing him to see how he was but he was really nasty to me , it’s 8pm and he was in bed fast asleep that just explains to me his cycle is still the same sniffing all night and drinking and asleep at this time.

Maybe he Was getting mashed all night .

How to stop these kind of days when I miss him soo much. I fall soo weak.

[rani123]

I made a big mistake of getting in touch with him .

We decided to see other and he was all excited to come see me then i changed my mind last minute i told him i wasnt ready for him yet and he turned very nasty and started playing mind games with me telling me he might have moved on now and he has found someone else then he back tracked what he said then he was like oh you should move on i dont want to be with you.

I ring him a few hours later and he is out with his mates sniffing cocaine and drinking.

Then i tracked his location through his phone and he was at an address im not familiar with.

Iv been worried sick thinking he is with another women at her house . Maybe he is cheating on me or maybe he is with a few lads having a session.

Since 1am he has been at that address and is still there now at 8am.

His phone is off because i was constantly ringing and txting him but he wouldn’t answer or reply to my msgs .

After a few hours he did ring me and he just told me his phone was on silent and i should move on and he was with lads . I could hear them in the background but i think that was. Just them backing him up for that time .

I tracked him again and he was back inside the same house .

Iv not slept all night

Worried sick .

Can someone please tell me do they also think he is cheating on me with another women or is he just mad at me and getting wacked with his boys to get me back

[rani123]

He lied to me on the phone told me his friends were going to drop him off home and he was just getting in the car with them ..

so i did check the tracker and he was seen going away from that house a few yards but returned back there straight away .

Then my mind started doing over time as to why did he only ring me once he was out of the house and in a car with lads .

Could it have been a dealers car he went to get some more supply then went back in the house with it or were them his lads his hanging out all night with in a yard/house .

Please someone shed some light .

Im going out of my head .

Now i wish i had just let him come back home as he was really excited to see me and seemed really happy i gave him another chance then last minute i dropped the bombshell and it hurt him bigtime

[hox]

Remember they lie and manipulate to get what they want.

In my opinion. When you got in touch and agreed to meet up he thought he’d got his meal ticket back. Then when you realised you weren’t ready, even though it’s his fault that you are not together, he told you a classic line for cocaine addicts. ‘I don’t want to be with you, you need to move on’

You haven’t hurt him through this, he has hurt you. He will do your head in with the manipulation and you will never be told the truth of what he’s doing.

Keep strong.

[rani123]

So has he cheated on me last night. I was worried sick with anxiety again.. didn’t sleep don’t know why ?

I could see on the tracker he was at an address unknown to me all night and Iv recently been watching him on a tracker on his phone and a few times It picked up he was around that same house a few days ago aswel .

My mind won’t stop thinking has he found another women with a house and is he having a sexual relationship with her .

No doubt he was sniffing and drinking last night .

But what kind of life is this .

He was there from 1am till early hours of this morning .

His phone went off. 5am and 10am he turned it back on and his location was showing he was back at his mothers house .

So when he told me to move on because he has moved on too what was he trying to say there.?

Has he actually moved on or is that some kind of pay back for how I made him feel

[hox]

It’s not about payback.

It’s all about the coke. It is all he is interested in, coke comes first. All I can say is when they say they have moved on it is that they have chosen the cocaine and not the life they were living before. In fact they are not the same person they were before.

The cheating if he has you will probably never know. You will make yourself ill worrying about him.

[Author]

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