[singy91]

Everytime I consume alcohol, cocaine is not very far behind on the agenda. I hate it. Despise the link.

Whenever I drink, cocaine isn’t far behind, and more often than not, my evening/night out/social gathering isn’t even remotely interesting until I have the drug. I’m ashamed to even be writing, admitting this because it’s affecting the person I love the most.

What bothers me the most though is the fact I know this but I don’t seem to change anything? Even though I know and acknowledge the problem, understand the catalyst and can see the solution. I still can’t seem to find the strength to change my mindset. Alcohol = Cocaine.

My girlfriend is becoming more and more affected by it as she doesn’t want it to be part of our future, which I completely agree with.

We want kids soon, and she wants me to be as fully competent as possible, but I can see and feel her wavering faith which is cutting me up.

I really need some advice. Don’t care if it’s hard hitting, I just need a big reality check from someone who doesn’t know me so has nothing to gain or lose. Someone who can empathize and be straight with me. I don’t worry about losing my girlfriend….yet. But I worry that that could be a very real thing if I don’t help myself quickly.

Thank you

[luxurioussnake]

Hey. I’m the girlfriend in this situation.

It sounds like you’ve got a lot of insight into the problem and are engaging in self-reflection.

Alcohol is a common trigger for cravings, and cravings lead to seeking out drugs, then consuming them. Avoiding triggers and knowing how to manage them is a key element of recovery.

The shame you feel about your drug use affecting your partner can either become the key that unlocks a wonderful, drug-free future for both of you – or the excuse for using and the thing that destroys both of you. What I mean by this is that some addicts react to shame by thinking “well f*** it, I’m worthless anyway” or “well f*** it, the relationship is over anyway” etc. and then go on to use. Drugs can hijack your brain like that. The key is to accept that you feel ashamed, be honest with your partner and work with her to ensure you move on from this dark patch in your life.. to something much more meaningful.

I don’t know how old you are, but assume 20s/30s. Do you want to be getting on it at 40, hanging out with your worst coke using “mates” in a dingy flat somewhere, listening to the birds singing and watching the sun glare at you through the curtains while you wipe your finger over the coffee table and rub the last dregs into your gums? Or do you want to be sound asleep in bed with your a wife who loves you, knowing that your kids are safe, happy and well cared for in their beds next door to you.

I’ve done coke in the past and I moved on with my life. My boyfriend and his mates didn’t. Go to Narcotics Anonymous and listen the experienced addicts describe their lives now vs. then.

You have the power to give up alcohol, if that’s what you need to do to give up coke. You can turn this around. But if you don’t do it now, eventually you won’t be able to, and if she doesn’t leave you, she will resent you for breaking her heart every time you turn your phone off and stumble in at 8am, every time you spend the bills money on coke, every time you beg for another chance.

[thistim3]

I’m the wife, who thought we left the nightmare behind decades ago. If I knew then what I know now – would I still be here? I keep asking myself. His addiction has provided so much hurt. I didn’t deserve any of it. Neither did he. I didn’t sign up for it. I mean really, if the person you love were to tell you flat out, ‘I’m gonna do coke, and I’m gonna disappear for long periods of time – you will never know where I’m going or who I will be with or know what we will do, large amounts of money will be spent, you will be treated badly, there will be numerous lies – right to your face, and there will be cheating.’ This will be your life. Does it matter if they love you or you love them? Trying hard to keep my truth, which is to be happy with us one day at a time going forward. Stay in the present moment and not think about the events that are in the past that I hate. If you really love your wife (addicted man), give up the drugs anyway that you can and let yourself be happy again. And, wife if you really love your addicted man – give him a chance to be happy again. By truly leaving it in the past. How’s that for a challenge?

[sallyco12]

Long post….

Im in a similar situation. Actually joined to discuss the whole ‘half a bottle of Prosecco – someone make the call’ issues.

Thing is, myself and my partner are exactly the same. We are such bad influences on each other. Aim to go out for a couple of drinks with friends. Then it’s me and him standing in our kitchen shaking at 9am next day.

Been a drug user of some kind since 15 years old. Smoked a HELL of a lot of weed up until age 29. £200 plus a week spent (I worked 2 jobs at the time to afford it at around 21 years of age). Became a weekend offender on the pills (eccies) by 17. Dropped them for a speed habit at 19. Dropped that for prescription pills in early to mid 20’s. Started using cocaine every weekend at 25 (this was when I met my partner – he had lived a very similar youth). Quit weed (the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best thing – became 100 times the person I was). But I just cannot shake the lines with the wine!!!

We don’t drink much. Last year I drank 6 times. Yes a mere 6 times over 52 weeks. And every six of those times I got lines. Result? Dying for 48 hours. Mentally ill and depressed for another 5 days. Couple months passes then repeat.

Basically I’ve came to the conclusion I just shouldn’t drink. I like feeling normal. I have a very demanding job running my own business, a child, I like to keep fit, walk a few miles every day. When I do this to myself it takes 2 weeks in total to start feeling like myself again.

So my advice? To you and me…. give up alcohol. If not for good for a very very long time. 6 months is not going to cut it. It needs to be more than that (I’m proof of that theory). Go climb mountains, visit beautiful places, go out for dinners and stay in nice hotels. Just stay the hell away from booze. That is the trigger. Nothing else. It’s gonna be hard. Even if like me you don’t do it a lot. You hear that song on the radio, it’s been a rough week, just wanna ‘get on it’ with your pals. DONT. You and I we have a choice. Let’s start making the right one.

[Author]

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