- This topic has 10 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by mammavic.
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August 13, 2020 at 9:40 am #6081mammavicParticipant
My daughter has been using coke for at least 2 years that I am aware of.
I’ve found the little bags, we’ve had mood swings, aggressive behaviour the next day, sleeping all day etc.
She is a student nurse, with a seven year old son, she is using when she’s been drinking and with the large group of friends who are also using.
She completely denies using now, even though I see her “gurning”, on 5 occasions post coke nights she’s phoned an ambulance thinking she’s having a heart attack due to chest pains. She regularly has panic attacks and these are much worse after her nights out.
My son has reported her to social services, after one post night out episode, witnessed by not just her son but his also.
She blackmailed me earlier this year, that if I accused her of using again, I wouldn’t see my grandson. After my son reporting her we’re all now “dead” to her. Her son is currently staying with his father, who aside from being a wet lettuce is a descent dad.
I’m tempted to wash my hands now and trust me, that is something I would never have said, I’d burn in a fire for my kids, but how can I help someone who won’t admit she needs help? Advice appreciated
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August 13, 2020 at 8:26 pm #18411bt1978Participant
Hi
OK the short but truthful answer is that in my experience, there is very little you can do to help someone that is in denial. That has to come from them, and not you or anyone else. Until they reach that point its check mate. This is really hard to accept and painful I know.
Do you think there is any chance at all that you can reason with her?
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August 13, 2020 at 9:49 pm #18412mammavicParticipant
Hi
Since I’m currently dead to her it’s doubtful. She currently has a loose relationship with the truth and vehemently denies using coke, even when presented with evidence. I have run out of ideas of how to get through to her to be honest.
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August 13, 2020 at 9:53 pm #18413bt1978Participant
I see what you mean.
Do you think it’s beneficial to keep her in contact so you have viability of what she is up to to some extent?
Most people need to hit rock bott. Before they contemplate straightening out
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August 13, 2020 at 10:02 pm #18414mammavicParticipant
She’s prepared to speak to my husband to a small extent, but it was her choice not to speak to me. I have been blocked by phone and social media, I emailed her and that when she said I was dead to her. I know it sounds selfish, but I’m exhausted by her and since my grandson is with his dad, I am not nattering about him.
I guess I have to wait for her to reach out to me. I hate this situation, my knowledge of drugs was zero before all this, I just want my daughter back and not the fractured family we have right now
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August 13, 2020 at 10:09 pm #18415bt1978Participant
I’m sorry you have to go through this. What I wi say reading what you wrote is that you have both feet in the ground with what is going on, as horrible and painful as that is. Do you think getting some support for you would help?
If you have any questions about addiction or drugs I can try to help as best as possible.
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August 13, 2020 at 10:15 pm #18416mammavicParticipant
I’ve read everything I can on the effects of Cocaine; And given her developing medical knowledge my daughter also knows what the risks are and what the long term affects are.
I just don’t understand why she’s so untruthful about it and won’t admit what she’s doing. Her lies are destroying our family, as well as lack of responsibility for the hurt she’s causing everyone who loves her.
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August 13, 2020 at 10:20 pm #18417bt1978Participant
Inherently addicts are dishonest to the core. Part of it is selfishness, part of it is that we don’t want people knowing what we are up to as deep down its wrong and we are fu of shame and remorse. Even so, we don’t want family or friends knowing that. Denial is powerful, being in denial means you don’t have to face up to the hurt and damage you have caused
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August 13, 2020 at 10:24 pm #18418mammavicParticipant
I appreciate your frankness and honesty, it makes sense but also makes me realise that this is not a situation that’s going to change anytime soon either.
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August 13, 2020 at 10:27 pm #18419bt1978Participant
It may, it may not. Just know though that it is possible to sort yourself out and recover, but the person has to be honest and accept they have a problem. Ses such an easy thing to say, the reality is very different.
Try to keep posting here. There are a ton of strong people on here and your situation will really help. Others too
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August 13, 2020 at 10:30 pm #18420mammavicParticipant
Thank you I will, this conversation has helped me more than you know. Best wishes
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