[pokerface166]

Started out probably the same as most on here, half a gram at the weekend 10 years on I’m on 2 g per day, I still work hard and doing my best to keep up with bills, I earn good money, but it seems like I’m really starting to slip, where as I was doing well, it’s like I work just to buy coke, dunno it’s just me being weak, but it’s like I’ve got to have it every day, I think about it constantly, I hate to say it but I love it! But I also really hate it cause of what it’s doing to me, it’s coming to a head now I’ve got to do something, but how, I don’t know, has anyone or is anybody in the same situation? If so I would luv some positive advice, advice that I can relate to, anything is a start, but where do I start… can’t carry on like this 🙁

[rev]

Hi pokerface.

You’re not alone, this drug is pure evil once it gets inside your head. How old are you can I ask?

[onelife]

Wondering if you have contacted any of your local drug and alcohol services they can be very helpful and can point you in the right direction. I have personal experience of this and know just how cocaine grabs hold of you, that whole love hate relationship but it will get the better of you in the end at which stage seeking help is the first stage in admitting you have a problem and beginning of a journey of recovery if you truly want it. many do it in the community via anonymous groups. Personally I opted for a rehab facility I am about to enter rehab again after 20 years clean from cocaine and 2 years into a unexpected relapse. Like you I have that love hate relationship but have much more reason to hate as it has started to destroy my nose septum and sinuses, my mental health, finances and relationships and friendships as cocaine will be your best friend and your worst nightmare, you will think of it in one way or another above everything else and that I hate to admit. But there is hope and if I can remain cocaine free for 20 years after 10 years of using anyone can. What I am saying is there is help out there and life after cocaine, even in the thick of it now, I know I can get clean again. For me I need the time and space away the support counselling and re-education about addiction and myself because the thing about addiction is even after 20 years and not even a second thought given it took a chance meeting and a low period for cocaine to grab ahold of me again. So seek help and support from wherever you choose and don’t try and do it alone search the internet for local services or groups in your area you don’t need to be alone with your addiction . Good luck you can do it!

[ash2013]

Hi PokerFace,

Do you have a positive support network around you, positive relationships, I’d guess probably not because my husband sounds like you (well he’s 6 months clean) but your story is similar, and believe me when I say, all those so called mates that hang around you, wont be there when you are clean, BUT the best mates who are true friends, see the change in you and support you, will be the people you need. I was at the end of my tether with my husband, it wasnt the money, he could afford it. It was the UTTER disregard to anybody elses feelings aside his own. Staying out all night, phone off, working late, the agressive mood he’d return in if I dared to ask questions about his whereabouts. He didnt care about me, or his kids, his parents had started to notice, people he worked with were on the verge of leaving because they didnt want to work in an environment where coke users/dealers were frequent visitors, he couldn’t be bothered to do anything. 6 Months clean and he’s a different person, he has motivation, he has drive, he has love to give and we love him!

Taking the first step in admitting you have a problem is the hardest. There was nothing I could have said to my husband to make him stop, even ending up in hospital after an overdose because I couldn’t see a way out of this s**t life didn’t stop him. This cocaine fuelled world is good for nobody, not you and not the people around you.

Take a step back, not high, not on a come down, and think how much more fulfilling life could be without being a slave to it.

Good luck x

[wardface]

Hi- I can totally relate, after many successful years of my own business my husband left me for a friend; I rebuilt my life & I’m now earning good money and I have a great social life. My partner and I started doing it as soon as we met, but he can stop (I don’t know how) I, on the other hand am burning money faster than I can earn it at the moment, sitting in the kitchen drinking, smoking and sniffing, I love it too but hate what it’s doing to me, I’m isolated and it’s affecting my appearance and a few people at work have commented on how tired I look, in my head I’m thinking “ I bet I do, I’ve had 1hrs sleep, I’m addicted to cocaine and porn, I had a shower just so you couldn’t smell the booze on me” but I’ve lost my sense of smell and so I have no idea how bad I smell sometimes, even my dealer comment on how bad my booze smell was tonight.

I can feel where you’re at, I need help. Badly! ????

[Author]

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