[paw_x]

Hi Coco,

Sorry you’re going through this.

This isn’t your problem to fix, it’s his. Don’t take that responsibility as you won’t be able to make him change, much as you might want to try. For him to recover he needs to want it for himself. From what you’ve said, the comments of “this is why I couldn’t tell you as you know how you get”, it doesn’t sound like he’s understanding the level of his problem or ready for recovery yet. He’s the father of your kids but spending all that money every month on himself, but makes out you’re a nag for having a problem with it? He has a LOT of work to do.

This is up to him and your level of involvement is as much as YOU want it to be – think of your own mental health and happiness, not his. If you want space, you take that. And he’s in the wrong, he needs to sort himself, so he should give you that. He should be at CA meetings every day, to show you he wants to fight this. But you focus on you as you’ll drive yourself insane trying to fight his battle for him.

Look after yourself x

[cocojumbo23]

Thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate it. I’m doing okay and I’ve joined a gym to give me head space. I’m organising days out for myself and young child and that’s what’s keeping me going. Some days are hard and I feel lonely and there are days I feel sorry for him but like you said I can’t change him and I don’t have the strength to either. Thank you so much for reading my rant ????

[paw_x]

Sometimes it helps to let it all out! There’s so little help for family members going through it, compared to the addict who can attend CA meetings every single night if they choose. It can be such a lonely time for everyone else.

For my addict, he didn’t stop until he hit rock bottom. It wasn’t enough that I supported him last year, that I kept it going for the sake of our family and to keep going through with the big life plans we were making after he confessed he had relapsed – he was telling me it was all okay but still taking it and hiding it the entire time. It cost us a fortune and my sanity. He only really got into recovery and the process after he lost his job, as later that week I kicked him out as he was clearly wired to the moon – up all night/sleeping all day. If I could go back I would have made a much bigger deal of it than I did – nothing changes if nothing changes.

Keep venting on here as it does help! Wishing you all the best x

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