[m]

Ive been with my partner 2 years. Every weekend is and some week days destroyed by drink and cocaine. Plans missed and ruined. Usually does 2 days minimum on coke.every occasion destroyed.

Christmas Eve was lovely, I didn’t bother nagging about him using but he stayed up all night went off in morning to his family and requested money for flowers for his family’s grave but spent on alcohol and was angry when I confronted as I’d seen it was spent on the bank card linked to my phone saying “is that how your trying to make me look”. As the day went on he proceeded to give me paranoid phone calls, I was of course upset trying to cover up in front  of my family and trying to cook dinner. He arrived home 4am Boxing Day acting as though nothing happened. I was angry for days as it’s a build up, he left after trying to get a long but I was shut down and said he was coming home New Year’s Eve then went on a 3 day bender and was missing for for days. I sat alone New Year’s Eve when I was promised a hotel that never got booked then told he’s bringing fireworks home while he was drunk!!!

He’s now trying to come home and I’m not ready. I’m so drained I need some space from the chaos so I booked a hotel for 2 nights, one friend coming for a night then another friend for other night.

I told him and he’s extremely angry saying he wants to see me and I only care about my friends. He’s been missing on benders  6 weeks out of 8!!!!!!! I’m being told I don’t care because I’m trying to take care of myself.

when he’s paranoid he accuses me of being a lesbian

he last did drugs 3 days ago, will they still be affecting his reasoning?

I’m exhausted, feel I’m having a breakdown. Isolated myself and feel I can’t win. Parking tickets run up in my name.

he can be the loveliest kindest man but I’m questioning everything right now

he’s had 6 weeks clean last year then 2 this year.

sorry for the rant x

[Paul-]

<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>In response to Cocain Hell…….</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Your partner is making life a complete misery. H<span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>e desperately needs treatment in order to overcome his addictions.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>There appears to be a connection to the alcohol and drug addiction which your partner so desperately craves – and that is fear of taking responsibility.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>He makes a promise – such as an arrangement – but<span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”> when the time comes, he suddenly goes off and gets drunk/high on drugs. Because </span><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>every time he makes a commitment, a mental wall confronts him and alcohol/drugs are his way of dealing with it.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>After a couple of days. Your partner takes it for granted that all will be forgiven and forgotten and life can resume as normal – until next time.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>There seems to be many broken promises in this relationship. The hotel booking just one of many.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>His anger stems from a reminder that you are an independent person and this creates fear that you could leave him….Another reason why he gets angry is the thought of you actually having friends outside of this relationship.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>When he goes missing, it’s a form of emotional blackmail to keep you constantly worried. His calling you only causes more distress – leaving you to think only of your partner and nothing else, whilst you wait for him to arrive home.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>Financially, you’ll incur debts such as the parking tickets due to him not being able to resist temptation to buy alcohol or drugs whenever he has money.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>Your partner’s paranoia and his belief that you only care about your friends may be part of his own life journey as well his selfish personality. The alcohol and drugs don’t help either…..</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>A deeper understanding of his own lifelong issues could help towards seeking treatment for his addictions – if he really wants to.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Another problem is the erratic, irresponsible behaviour he seems to display when drunk or high. The last thing you need…..Him coming home with a load of fireworks…..</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Some people can be impulsive…..Perhaps it’s just the way they are.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Impulsive behaviour can sometimes occur when faced with situations we can’t handle – resulting from panic. Perhaps your partner feels this way…..</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Your partner needs professional help. Whether or not you want to save this relationship is a matter of your personal choice.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Either way. He needs to seek help and is the only one who can do it.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>However. Let’s be fair and admit that whatever the outcome, your life will be affected by his decision – especially if he chooses not to seek help.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>It’s not just about going in for treatment and assuming he’ll be cured after a week or two. Your partner needs to address the underlying issues that cause his addictions.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>To do this, some counselling to focus on his reluctance to take responsibility and commit to agreements such as events, dates or appointments. It’s trying to deal with these underlying issues to help overcome the addictions.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>If he can’t commit to changing his ways, then look after yourself and accept this relationship is over.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>

[Paul-]

<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>In response to Cocain Hell…….</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Your partner is making life a complete misery. H<span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>e desperately needs treatment in order to overcome his addictions.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>There appears to be a connection to the alcohol and drug addiction which your partner so desperately craves – and that is fear of taking responsibility.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>He makes a promise – such as an arrangement – but<span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”> when the time comes, he suddenly goes off and gets drunk/high on drugs. Because </span><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>every time he makes a commitment, a mental wall confronts him and alcohol/drugs are his way of dealing with it.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>After a couple of days. Your partner takes it for granted that all will be forgiven and forgotten and life can resume as normal – until next time.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>There seems to be many broken promises in this relationship. The hotel booking just one of many.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>His anger stems from a reminder that you are an independent person and this creates fear that you could leave him….Another reason why he gets angry is the thought of you actually having friends outside of this relationship.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>When he goes missing, it’s a form of emotional blackmail to keep you constantly worried. His calling you only causes more distress – leaving you to think only of your partner and nothing else, whilst you wait for him to arrive home.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>Financially, you’ll incur debts such as the parking tickets due to him not being able to resist temptation to buy alcohol or drugs whenever he has money.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>Your partner’s paranoia and his belief that you only care about your friends may be part of his own life journey as well his selfish personality. The alcohol and drugs don’t help either…..</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>A deeper understanding of his own lifelong issues could help towards seeking treatment for his addictions – if he really wants to.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Another problem is the erratic, irresponsible behaviour he seems to display when drunk or high. The last thing you need…..Him coming home with a load of fireworks…..</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Some people can be impulsive, yet never think of the consequences.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Impulsive behaviour may occur when faced with situations they can’t handle. Perhaps your partner feels this way…..</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Your partner needs professional help. Whether or not you want to save this relationship is a matter of your personal choice.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>Either way. He needs to seek help and is the only one who can do it.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>However. Let’s be fair and admit that whatever the outcome, your life will be affected by his decision – especially if he chooses not to seek help.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>It’s not just about going in for treatment and assuming he’ll be cured after a week or two. Your partner needs to address the underlying issues that cause his addictions.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”>To do this, some counselling to focus on his reluctance to take responsibility and commit to agreements such as events, dates or appointments. It’s trying to deal with these underlying issues to help overcome the addictions.</p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”><span style=”box-sizing: border-box;”>If he can’t commit to changing his ways, then look after yourself and accept this relationship is over.</span></p>
<p style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px;”></p>

[Paul-]

In response to Cocain Hell…….

 

 

 

 

 

Your partner is making life a complete misery. He desperately needs treatment in order to overcome his addictions.

 

There appears to be a connection to the alcohol and drug addiction which your partner so desperately craves – and that is fear of taking responsibility.

 

He makes a promise – such as an arrangement – but when the time comes, he suddenly goes off and gets drunk/high on drugs. Because every time he makes a commitment, a mental wall confronts him and alcohol/drugs are his way of dealing with it.

 

After a couple of days. Your partner takes it for granted that all will be forgiven and forgotten and life can resume as normal – until next time.

 

There seems to be many broken promises in this relationship. The hotel booking just one of many.

 

His anger stems from a reminder that you are an independent person and this creates fear that you could leave him….Another reason why he gets angry is the thought of you actually having friends outside of this relationship.

 

When he goes missing, it’s a form of emotional blackmail to keep you constantly worried. His calling you only causes more distress – leaving you to think only of your partner and nothing else, whilst you wait for him to arrive home.

 

Financially, you’ll incur debts such as the parking tickets due to him not being able to resist temptation to buy alcohol or drugs whenever he has money.

 

Your partner’s paranoia and his belief that you only care about your friends may be part of his own life journey as well his selfish personality. The alcohol and drugs don’t help either…..

 

A deeper understanding of his own lifelong issues could help towards seeking treatment for his addictions – if he really wants to.

 

Another problem is the erratic, irresponsible behaviour he seems to display when drunk or high. The last thing you need…..Him coming home with a load of fireworks…..

 

Some people can be impulsive, yet never think of the consequences.

 

Impulsive behaviour may occur when faced with situations they can’t handle. Perhaps your partner feels this way…..

 

Your partner needs professional help. Whether or not you want to save this relationship is a matter of your personal choice.

 

Either way. He needs to seek help and is the only one who can do it.

 

However. Let’s be fair and admit that whatever the outcome, your life will be affected by his decision – especially if he chooses not to seek help.

 

It’s not just about going in for treatment and assuming he’ll be cured after a week or two. Your partner needs to address the underlying issues that cause his addictions.

 

To do this, some counselling to focus on his reluctance to take responsibility and commit to agreements such as events, dates or appointments. It’s trying to deal with these underlying issues to help overcome the addictions.

 

If he can’t commit to changing his ways, then look after yourself and accept this relationship is over.

 

[fayzey]

Hi Paul just wanted to say that what you said about the disappearing acts being emotional blackmail to keep us worried has been like a lightbulb switched on for me and made me totally see what’s been happening to me for years – I can see now you’ve said that it’s a kind of control where I’m constantly anxious about him and he enjoys it.   My partner also never ever thinks of the consequences. Thanks for the good advice on here!

[eddie123]

<span style=”caret-color: #183264; color: #183264; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”>Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. </span>https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/<br style=”caret-color: #183264; color: #183264; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;” /><span style=”caret-color: #183264; color: #183264; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”>They also provide free treatment if an addict wants to get clean, have a look at their website</span>

[Author]

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